


Metronome

by kooili



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-01-17 07:25:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 56,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12360585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kooili/pseuds/kooili
Summary: The CSI team are on the hunt for a serial killer stalking the children of Vegas. They call in some outside help in the form of Sara’s old friend and sometime-lover Alex Thompson to help develop a psychological profile of the killer. Along the way she becomes interested in the psychology of two women who seem determined to get closer then pull away in a predictable pattern. Where will they end up when the metronome stops moving?





	1. Chapter 1

Even from the threshold of sleep, Sara’s body reacted to the fingers tracing patterns across her torso. They were random, occasionally straying down just beyond her bellybutton to the strip of soft skin bordering her apex. When they did, her muscles tightened and thighs instinctively spread apart, urging the hand to move further down to where she wanted it. Her centre grew increasingly moist at the anticipation that soon her lover would be touching her there, stroking and thrusting into her as she had proven herself to be so very, very good at.  
  
This was her favourite way to wake up and she was not disappointed.  
  
Catherine never disappointed her. As the slender digits dipped into her a pair of lips pressed onto her chest simultaneously, nipping at the mounds of soft flesh that were waiting there. Sara moaned, arching herself even closer to the naked body next to her as two fingers eventually plunged deeply into the slick heat. The lips switched from nipping to sucking on her nipple and soon the blonde head bobbed up and down as Sara thrusted herself against the hand between her legs.  
  
Sensing that she was close, Catherine increased the speed of her movement, bringing her thumb round and started rubbing the engorged bundle of nerves beneath it. This sent another shock of pleasure through Sara’s already hypersensitive body. Her breathing became shallow and rapid. She began to ramble as she always did, curses and pleas all mixed together, begging, demanding to be released.  
  
“Fuck… please, let me… god…”  
  
One hand clenched the sheets while the other pressed Catherine’s head even harder onto her chest. For a moment, Sara thought that she might be hurting her as the sucking on her breast turned into a rougher pulling and biting action, but she was so far gone that she couldn’t stop herself even if she’d wanted to. The thrusting at her core became faster and harder; she could no longer tell if Catherine was using two fingers or three or more. How ever many there were, her inner muscles were clenching on them in spasms, signalling her imminent climax.      
  
The wave of orgasm rose from deep within her belly and crashed repeatedly against every nerve ending like a giant tsunami, knocking the breath out of her. A guttural almost feral growl erupted in the form of Catherine’s name. Sara gulped for air as her body relaxed into a familiar post-orgasmic haze. She was vaguely aware that the head on her chest had moved away at the same time as the fingers vacated her body. As the pounding in her head began to subside, the voice speaking to her in the background began to make sense. It took her a moment or two more to finally put together what it was saying.  
  
“Who the hell is Catherine?”  
  
The flush of her climax evaporated immediately and she fell to Earth with a sickening thud. Sara winced, not wanting to open her eyes.  
  
Goddammit, not again.


	2. Chapter 2

“So what happened next?”

“We eventually got back on speaking terms. She even took me out for a drink after that thing with Hank.”

It wasn’t like Sara had never woken up hot and aroused from an erotic dream before, but discovering that the hand between her legs was not her own was definitely not run of the mill. Fortunately for her, it belonged to the only person on Earth who wouldn’t take offence at what had happened. That didn’t mean that Sara had a chance in hell of making the whole incident go away without explanation.

Light streaming through the crack of the bathroom door was the brightest thing in the room, but that suited both of them just fine. It was a ritual they shared, lying in bed, talking in the gloom. The current subject of conversation was Catherine.

Obviously.

“So, you’ve been out on a date with her before.”

Sara sighed and shook her head. “It wasn’t a date.”

“What was it then? From what you’ve told me, the two of you weren’t exactly friends. She didn’t have to go out of her way to spend time with you.”

“She was just trying to be nice. She wasn't crazy about me but we still had to work together.”

The blonde let out a soft chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Sara’s defensive instinct kicked in automatically.

“You do know what your problem is, don't you?”

“I don’t have one but you’re going to tell me I do anyway, right, Miss hot-shot psychiatrist?”

Sara got a raised eyebrow in retort. “Don’t put ideas in my head otherwise I’ll have to start billing you for my advice.”

“Why do I have the feeling that I’d still get the benefit of your wisdom even if I were broke?”

There was a hint of resignation in her voice, laced with just enough humour for it not to be taken completely seriously. It worked.

“Because, sweetheart, I am a sucker for your charms.”

Both women smiled at each other simultaneously. The tension of the moment was broken.

“Hey, where do you hide your Nicorette substitute these days?”

The sudden change of topic caught Sara off guard.

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about – the last pack you can never bring yourself to throw away. The one you always replace every time you empty the pack just in case ... ”

“…they ran out of Nicorette’,” they finished the sentence in unison.

Christ, she knew her too well.

“Top drawer on your left.”

Sara studied the delicate profile and decided that the morning light brought out the aquamarine of her eyes very well. She wondered why she’d never noticed that before. How she’d missed out on so many things in the past and - from what had just happened - how she was just as clueless in the present.

“I’m sorry.”

Sara’s voice was low and contrite. The response she got was a thin wisp of smoke wafting lazily from the lips of the woman sitting on the other half of the bed. Strangely, the glowing ember at the tip her cigarette was hypnotic and distracting enough to ease the silence. She almost didn’t hear it when the answer finally came.

“What for?”

“I thought you were… I mean, I was dreaming and you…”

A soft chuckle cut her off before she could finish. “Sar, you were half asleep and fantasizing. From what I can tell,” she held up her right hand while wiggling her fingers, “ it was very vivid. Good to know I haven’t lost my touch.”

Sara groaned, burying her heated face in her hands. A gentle hand lifted her chin, forcing her to look Alex in the eye.

“Hey, don’t tell me you’ve grown all coy on me. We’ve always been completely open with each other. And I’ve earned that privilege, being your first and all…”

That brought a crooked smile to Sara’s face, her embarrassment temporarily forgotten.

“You, on the other hand, had a reputation that preceded you for miles by the time we met.”

Alex tossed the burnt out cigarette butt into a glass on the bedside unit and leaned back against the headboard.

“I was…” she paused momentarily, looking for the words, “…searching for the right one. It’s not my fault there were so many wrong ones in the way. At least I was always honest about it once I realised it wouldn't work.”

Sara rolled her eyes in mock exasperation.

“Yeah, I’m sure they're all thanking you right now - Diane, Jenny, Samantha, Laura….” She counted off the names on her fingers before being interrupted by being swatted by a pillow to her side.

“Just remember that you’re on that list too and the last time I checked, you weren’t complaining.”

The remark evoked another flashback of what had just happened and Sara felt a tingle run down her spine; among other places. Their relationship had not worked out for many reasons but sex was definitely not one of them. Even after all this time, Alex knew exactly how to touch her in the right places. That immediately made her feel even worse about what she did.

“Alex, what happened earlier…”

“I told you, don’t worry about it...., ”Alex arched an eyebrow and smiled suggestively, “…although, if it’ll make you feel better, you can return the favour.”

The look on Sara's face was a mixture of shock and embarrassment and Alex broke into a laugh immediately.

“Relax, I was just kidding. My ego may be dented but it’s not damaged enough to resort to charity. Besides, it was my fault for trying to wake you up in an imaginative way. You were tossing and turning in your sleep.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Work's been stressful, I guess.”

Alex’s face grew serious.

“I think it’s more likely you've been preoccupied with certain issues. Maybe a personal one named Catherine…”

Sara shook her head vehemently.

“There are no issues. She’s just a colleague.”

Alex sighed. She was glad to see that Sara hadn’t changed after all these years even if that included her legendary pig-headedness. The clock on the wall reminded her that they had to be up in a few hours. Plenty of time to continue this in the light of day, so she decided not to press the issue for now.

“Sounds like quite a woman. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“You will soon enough.”

Sara leaned over and gave Alex a hug, barely suppressing a yawn along the way.

“You don’t know how glad I am to see you. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Sara. Now, some shut eye. And this time…” she added mischievously, “…try to remember that I’m borrowing this half of your bed, not Catherine.”

Sara glared sleepily as she snuggled under the covers, turning onto her favoured right side. Alex watched as sleep overtook the slender body next to her; she was just as tired but knew sleep wouldn’t come that easily for her. Her mind replayed the conversation they’d just had.

As much as she hated to admit it, she had lost Sara all over again.


	3. Chapter 3

Sara loved Alex. There was no question about that fact. At that particular moment, however, she was _this_ close to pulling the Denali over and throwing her out of the car and making Alex walk the rest of the way to the lab.  
  
Alexandra Thompson was one of the wittiest, most charming, intelligent and caring people she’d ever known. She was also extremely persistent at not letting a topic go until she had gnawed it to the bone. Unfortunately for Sara, the entrée on her menu this morning was Sara. And Catherine.  
  
“You know what your problem is. You internalise everything so deeply so that you can tell yourself nothing is wrong. But it all comes back to bite you in the ass. The hostility, the fantasies, insomnia – these are all signs of unresolved issues you have with Catherine. And they won’t go away until you deal with them one way or the other.”  
  
“I do not internalise,” Sara muttered through gritted teeth, “I’ve told you all about it, haven’t I?”  
  
Alex sighed impatiently. “Telling me about it is not the same as talking to Catherine. I love you and I’m here for you but you have to have some form of resolution before you can move on.”  
  
Sara turned to Alex with a look of disbelief. “Let me get this straight, your professional advice is that I go up to my straight female colleague I'm barely friends with and profess that I’m sexually attracted to her. Don’t tell me you’re getting paid the big bucks for coming up with advice like that.”  
  
Alex ignored her sarcasm. “Why not? What happened to the woman who propositioned me in the middle of Professor Lewinsky’s senior year Quantum Physics class?”  
  
“I was not propositioning. I wanted to discuss lecture notes over coffee.”  
  
Alex winked conspiratorially. “Right, we ‘studied’ all evening in your room and then continued the rest of the weekend in the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom. In fact, I think we’ve ‘exchanged notes’ in every room of your apartment.”  
  
Sara blushed at the memory.  “What has that got to do with me potentially making a fool of myself in front of Catherine?”  
  
“First of all, if you don’t do anything, you’ll have given up without even trying. Second, and most importantly, the Sara Sidle I know is a passionate woman who is not afraid to take risks for what she wants.”    
  
“There is a difference between taking risks and committing career suicide.”  
  
Alex scoffed aloud. “Jeez, Sara, listen to yourself. Since when did you care so much what other people think?”  
  
Sara didn’t answer and from the way her knuckles were white from gripping too hard onto the steering wheel, Alex knew that she was treading a little too close to her limit. It would be wise to ease off and try a different approach.  
  
“How long have we known each other?”  
  
“Fourteen…no, fifteen years.”  
  
“And how often have we shared a bed?”  
  
Sara furrowed her brow, failing to see where Alex was coming from.  
  
“I don’t keep count…”  
  
Alex cut in impatiently. “Every time we visit each other because you never get around to furnishing the spare room in your apartment…”  
  
“And you've never ever had an apartment with a spare room.”  
  
“Never needed one. When I have guests who need to spend the night, it’s always in my bed.”  
  
Sara shook her head ruefully. “You never change, Lex. Always on the prowl for your next victim.”  
  
Sara was teasing but that remark hit a sensitive spot. She eased her feelings aside and pressed on.  
  
“My point is, missy, that out of all the times we’ve shared a bed platonically, last night was the first time you groped me in your sleep. Or at least it seemed like you were groping _me_ at the time.”  
  
“Alex, I said I was sorry…”  
  
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Sara. I just want you to realise what bottling up your feelings for Catherine inside is doing to you. Keep at it long enough and you’ll either explode or have a mental breakdown. _That_ would be suicidal for your career. ”  
  
“Thank you for your analysis Dr. Thompson. Now, if you done playing shrink, we’re here.”  
  
Alex knew what she’d said had hit home with Sara. She also knew her well enough to know that her friend had to dissect and analyse it from every angle before acting so she left it at that for now.  
         
They pulled into a parking space outside the CSI building and Sara killed the engine.  
  
“Ready?”  
  
“Lead the way, Ms. Sidle.”


	4. Chapter 4

Alexandra Thompson could give literal meaning to the term “killer looks.” Maybe not first degree murder but definitely in the realms of manslaughter. As they walked down the hallway, Sara could almost hear the whiplash as necks snapped round in their direction. Of course, as with most truly beautiful women, she was indifferent to all the attention.  
  
“So this boss of yours, Grissom, you had a crush on him right?”  
  
“You are obsessed with fixing me up with someone, aren’t you?” Sara tried to sound indignant but the crooked grin gave her away.  
  
“Just trying to figure out what floats your boat these days. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t make myself useful?”  
  
“The kind who’d still have half a bed in my apartment tonight instead of the couch.”  
  
“You wouldn’t.”  
  
“Just try me.”  
  
They rounded the last corner, reaching their destination. The door was slightly ajar but instead of Grissom sitting behind the desk, Catherine was leaning against it talking into the phone. She saw the two women at the doorway and waved them in while continuing her conversation. Alex swept her eyes across the specimen jars lining the numerous shelves on the way in.  
  
Picking one up, feigning interest in the label, she murmured, “You never told me Grissom looked so hot in a tank top.”  
  
Sara grinned, answering in a low voice, “You’re in luck. That’s your favourite topic of conversation for today.”  
  
Alex adjusted her glasses and eyed Catherine appreciatively.  
  
“Not bad, Sidle. If you’re not going to ask her out, do you mind if I do?”  
  
It took a jab of the elbow to wipe the smirk off Alex’s face. Fortunately, Catherine had her hands full with whomever was at the other end of the line and didn’t catch their little exchange.  
  
“…we have the full team working round the clock. I know the senator is very concerned about justice for his daughter and so are we…”  
  
The voice on the other end of the line grew more agitated and Catherine had to move the receiver a little further from her ear.  
  
“… I have already spoken to him four times today so please explain to the senator _again_ that evidence has to be processed before we can take any action. And thank him for his concern about my job. ”  
  
Catherine hung up the phone a little more forcefully than she had to, muttering under her breath.  
  
“Asshole.”  
  
Sara briefly wondered if Catherine knew how beautiful she looked when she was mad.  
  
“Let me guess - Ecklie?”  
  
Catherine nodded. “I have been swamped with phone calls the entire morning about the Keely case. The senator. The DA’s office. The Sheriff. Ecklie.”  
  
“Isn’t it Grissom’s job to deal with the brass?”  
  
“Yeah, when he’s actually around to do it.”  
  
Catherine slipped into a lab coat and fluffed her hair over the collar at the back in one fluid movement.  
  
“Where is Grissom anyway?”  
  
“They needed his,” Catherine drew quote marks in the air, “entomological expertise on a federal case in Austin. Left this morning. Or should I say, escaped. The rest of us aren’t so lucky.”  
  
Sara smiled knowingly. “How are we doing so far?”  
  
“The PD has the suspect in custody but they’re some having problems with the arrest.”  
  
Alex stood back a little way, watching, while this whole exchange was going on. She could see why Sara was attracted to Catherine. Physical beauty aside, she exuded an absolute confidence in the way she moved and talked that was palpable even to a stranger.     
  
“You’ve got to be kidding. The perp has priors in four different states. His prints were all over the crime scenes and we even have the victims’ blood on his clothes. He raped and killed three children in Nevada alone. These cases are signed, sealed and delivered as far as forensic evidence is concerned.”  
  
Catherine nodded and sighed.  
  
“I know, but he isn’t disputing our evidence. He’s pleading not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect-” Catherine shuffled through the pile of folders on the desk before picking out the relevant scrap of paper, “-claiming that he wasn’t acting on his own volition. There were,” her voice hardened sceptically as she read down the page, “voices in his head telling him to kill those children and he’ll take the polygraph to prove his claim.”  
  
Sara furrowed her brows. “So, we’ve done our jobs and it’s now up to the DA’s office to prosecute the case...”  
  
She trailed off seeing the pained look that Catherine had on her face.  
  
“It should be out of our hands but since a senator’s daughter is involved, the powers that be are especially determined to see that he spends the rest of his days behind prison bars and not in a padded room. So, we are going back to the evidence to see if we can find anything to prove that he was lucid when he committed the crimes. Meanwhile, they’re bringing in the heavy guns for this one – a psychiatric expert from FBI Behavioural Sciences.”  
  
“I’m not with the FBI although I do freelance for them from time to time when my expertise is needed,” Alex cut in smoothly, deciding it was time to announce her presence.  
  
Catherine turned towards the voice. She’d been so caught up with the phone call and talking to Sara that she almost forgot there was another person in the room.  
  
Alex stepped forward and offered a hand. “Alex Thompson.”  
  
“Catherine Willows.”  
  
Sara felt like she was at the O.K. Corral. There wasn’t any hostility per se, just an air that the two women were sizing each other up.  
  
“Welcome to Las Vegas, Dr. Thompson. I’ve been expecting you.”  
  
Catherine’s cool gaze was famous for making a person feel uneasy even when he or she hadn’t done anything wrong, but Alex held it effortlessly and answered with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“I hope you aren’t expecting much in the heavy artillery department because the closest thing I have is a pen that writes in three different colours. And please, call me Alex. I like to save the formalities for psychopaths and assholes.”    
  
Sara had known Alex long enough to understand that her acerbic sense of humour was definitely an acquired taste. She found herself involuntarily holding her breath, waiting to see how Catherine would react to Alex’s candour. She needn’t have worried; if there was one thing Catherine could appreciate, it was someone who didn’t pull any punches. A smile broke out on her face and the atmosphere relaxed as the women departed Grissom’s office post haste, before the phone rang again.  
  
“Someone must have screwed up giving you directions because the suspect is being held at the station. That’s a couple of blocks away.”  
  
“I got a ride in with Sara this morning because I wanted to look at what you’ve got so far before I interview the suspect.”  
  
Alex watched Catherine for a reaction and caught her flicking a glance in Sara’s direction. Interesting.  
  
“I figured that I could get a clearer picture from the people who are actually working the case since your superiors don’t seem to be welcoming my presence, even if they have to tolerate it.”  
  
Both Sara and Catherine looked surprised so Alex explained.  
  
“I got a two page summary of the investigations yesterday morning. I may be good but I can’t do a proper evaluation with such a veritable treasure trove of information. Maybe I should have brought a flak jacket instead of the pen.”  
  
“Let me guess whose name was on the cover of the summary – Conrad Ecklie?”  
  
Alex looked impressed. “How did you guess?”  
  
Sara grinned. “He is what you would classify as a ‘Dr. Thompson’ kind of guy.”  
  
“We have files and paper _this high_ on the guy – it’ll take all day and maybe all night to go through them. You sure you’re up to it?”  
  
Alex smiled at Catherine. “Clock’s a ticking – the sooner I get started, the better I’ll know this man by the time I have to talk to him. Besides, my stamina’s pretty good. Must be all that practice from studying Quantum Physics, right, Sara?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our ladies meet at last, as promised :)


	5. Chapter 5

Catherine shifted uneasily as she watched the proceedings through the two-way mirror in the observation room. It was like watching a silent movie except she knew the actors involved and the lead actor in this drama was doing a damn good job at making her skin crawl. His picture had been plastered on the television ever since his arrest but none of those images adequately conveyed how evil he looked in person. She chided herself for not being objective or scientific but it was the most accurate description she could come up with.      
  
Alex, on the hand, was totally at home. The man across the table leered at her as he recounted in intimate detail what he did to his victims. How he stalked them, abducted, molested, tortured and killed each and every one of them. And how he was instructed along each and every step of the way by voices in his head.  
  
The CSIs went through the evidence again and, as Catherine had expected, they’d found irrefutable evidence that he was guilty. No doubt whatsoever. In any other circumstance, it would be cause for celebration. They’d done their job, matching the crime to the perpetrator. How they hell were they supposed to prove state of mind from the physical evidence? They had both succeeded and failed. Like it or not, the fate of this freak rested on Alex’s ability to get into his head.  
  
As she continued watching the interview, the door behind her opened and a lanky body eased through it silently. The brunette saw how tired Catherine was - her arms crossed tightly and her posture tense – and had to consciously resist the urge to reach out to comfort her. She wasn’t sure if her concern would be welcomed or appropriate. Talking about work seemed to be a safer option.    
  
“How’s the interview going?”  
  
Even though Catherine was aware that someone else was in the room, the sound of Sara’s voice made her jump a little.  
  
“They’ve been at it for the last three hours and so far we’ve got what the evidence already tells us – that he did it.”  
  
“He confessed to every one of the murders?”  
  
Catherine nodded. “In more gory detail than I needed to hear, but you are welcome to it if you like.”  
  
Sara walked over to a small black box on the wall and pressed the red button in the middle of it. Daniel Avery’s voice streamed calmly through unseen speakers.  
  
“…said the avenging angel. I just did as I was told, Dr. Thompson. I cleansed them from the sins of their fathers. They had to suffer to be free. And the angel wanted me to be his instrument.”  
  
Sara, who had seen the latest crime scene and the broken, mutilated body of the young girl, felt her stomach turn.  
  
“How did you set them free?”  
  
Alex’s voice was neutral and her face showed no emotion. Avery leaned back into the chair and looked wistful as he described matter-of-factly.  
  
“The angel whispered in my right ear that they had to be alive and awake while I released the impurity that was within them. I made the cuts small so that the bad blood dripped out slowly enough for them to know that they were going to be redeemed. And when they stopped breathing, I offered them as a sacrifice like Abraham would have…”  
   
Sara heard enough, she could read Alex’s report for the details, and tapped the button again to cut out the sound. The two women stood silently while the mime show continued playing in the adjacent room. Neither of them felt like talking until minutes later.  
  
“It’s still gets to me.”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
It took Sara a few seconds to register that Catherine was speaking to her.  
  
“After all this time in the job, listening to people like Daniel Avery still makes me wish I didn’t eat breakfast.”  
  
Sara eyed Catherine for a moment. “You didn’t.”  
  
They had stayed up all night going over the files with Alex and by the time they finished it was only long enough for a short nap and a fresh change of clothes before the interview. Sara had stayed back at the lab to finish some paperwork while Catherine went with Alex to the station to observe. Save for a cup of over-percolated coffee courtesy of detectives in the squad room, she had had nothing in her stomach since dinner last night.  
  
“Neither did you, but don’t tell me that what this man did doesn’t make you sick.”  
  
Sara sensed the defensive undertone in Catherine’s remark.  
  
“It does. And no matter how long you and I do this, that feeling should never go away. It should make us want to be better at what we do so that sick bastards like him can be locked away for good.”  
  
Catherine cocked her head to one side and smiled as she listened to Sara’s little speech. The brunette’s face coloured a little when she realised that she was preaching to the choir. Catherine decided to let her off the hook by changing the subject.  
  
“I don’t know about you but my respect for Alex just went up a couple of notches.”  
  
“She’s always had a strong stomach and  an even stronger desire to analyse and fix things. That’s why she wanted to work with the FBI. It used to be a full time job until she went into private practice three years ago. The only thing she did then was profiling serial killers, all of whom were either on death row or in maximum security facilities serving life without parole.”  
  
Catherine blew a low whistle. “Sounds like a hell of a job.”  
  
“She was good at it. Alex had this ability to gain their trust and once she did, she could delve into their minds and work out the reasons they acted the way they did. She got a lot more than she bargained for in the end.”  
  
Catherine was about to ask Sara what she meant when she was distracted by the activity in the interrogation room. The interview was over, at least for the time being. Two uniforms checked the cuffs before propelling Avery towards the exit. As he was being led away, Alex started gathering up her notes into a pile. The moment the door clicked shut again, she leaned back into her chair, plucked the glasses off her face and let out a huge breath.  
  
Sara entered the interrogation room, followed by Catherine.  
  
“Remind me again why I gave up doing this full time.”  
  
Sara grinned as she sank into the chair that Daniel Avery had occupied for the last couple of hours.  
  
“It was ruining your social life.”  
  
Alex opened her eyes and smiled at Sara across the table.  
  
“Try having a social life after spending two days in a row talking to a psychopath who murders old women for kicks. Or a man who kills young boys because he thinks drinking their blood will boost his libido.”  
  
“Locard’s Theory.”  
  
Both Sara and Alex turned to look at Catherine.  
  
“They leave a piece of themselves behind every time you shrink them. You get into their heads, they get into yours.”     
  
Alex nodded. “I told myself that I’d quit if they ever got ahead of me.”  
  
Catherine couldn’t stop herself from asking the inevitable question. She was sure this was what Sara was referring to earlier. “What happened?”  
  
“I was interviewing a subject at Rikers Island. He wouldn’t talk to me with the guards present so I convinced them to watch from outside the holding cell. They were only three feet away but I overestimated how long he had to kill me before the guards hit the door.”  
  
Alex pulled down the collar of her shirt a little, exposing a small depression on her right clavicle.  
  
“He left a little souvenir before they managed to pull him off me.”  
  
It may have been a while since the attack, but from the way Alex was fingering her scar, Catherine could tell it had affected her for a long time. She knew, first hand, how the mental scars always outlived the physical ones.  
  
“And you quit because the attack scared you?”  
  
Alex shook her head.  
  
“I quit because I’d become complacent. I let him get into my head and made me believe that I was safe and in control of the situation even when I wasn’t.”  
  
Sara interrupted. “You were in control. The guards could see both of you all the time. It was one bad call.”  
  
“When you deal with dangerous psychopaths in close proximity on a daily basis, you’re not allowed to have bad days. I was lucky…” Alex trailed off pensively.  
  
“That the guards got to you in time?”  
  
“No. That my mistake didn’t cause anyone else to be hurt or dead. I remember the look he had in his eyes, just before I passed out. He knew that he was in control and more importantly, had nothing to left to lose. They were going to stick the needle in his arm and one more body added to the list wasn’t going to make a difference.”  
  
Alex paused and looked at both of them.  
  
“Daniel Avery had that same look in his eyes when he was telling me about his victims.”  
  
Catherine pulled up a chair and joined them at the table. “So this is about control.”  
  
“He is revelling in idea that he’s got us chasing after our own tails right now. By confessing to the acts, he thinks he’s taken away the power we hold over him. In his mind, he’s gloating at us, knowing that we can’t touch him as long as he maintains he was mentally defective at the time.”  
  
“It’s beginning to sound like he is.”  
  
“You’re right, he is,” Alex agreed.  
  
“Then we’ve hit another dead end,” Sara said morosely. Catherine, on the other hand,  looked as if someone had stolen her dog. Alex chuckled as she shook her head disbelievingly.  
  
“Ye of little faith. I’ve only begun and you’ve already given up?”  
  
“But you just said he’s mentally defective. That _is_ proving his defence.”  
  
“No, his defence is that he wasn’t acting under his own accord when he committed the crimes. The fact that he cold-bloodedly murdered those children makes him sick but it doesn’t mean he didn’t know what he was doing all the way.”  
  
“Do we have any way to make this stick so that his lawyers can’t shoot it down in two seconds?”  
  
Alex smiled grimly. “I’ve gained some degree of trust today by just letting him talk about himself and what he did. He thinks he’s in charge of the situation right now. The next interview, I’ll turn on the heat a little, rattle his cage and see what falls out.”  
  
A quick glance at her watch told Sara it was late afternoon.  “What now?”  
  
Alex looked at Sara. “Now, I am going to take advantage of your famous Vegas hospitality. I need a shower, some sleep and then you can buy me dinner.”  
  
“As long as you’re in the mood for vegetarian,” Sara teased.  
  
Alex scrunched up her nose and turned to Catherine.  
  
“How about you, Catherine? Join us. Sidle’s buying and the company will make up for the food.”  
  
That remark nearly earned her a jab on the side but Alex swerved expertly to avoid Sara’s elbow.  
  
“Love to, but if I don’t see my daughter soon, she’s going to forget what her mother looks like. Besides, some of us have to work tonight."  
  
**************************  
  
Catherine found her thoughts wandering while she cut the vegetables into bite-sized pieces. The excuse she gave to Alex was only partly true – she did want to spend time with Lindsey – but more than that, she didn’t want to intrude on their evening. The subject of how Sara knew Alex never came up but it was obvious that they were close. She didn’t know why that fact surprised her at all; they weren’t exactly friends outside of work, therefore she wasn’t privy to Sara’s private life.  
  
Even though their relationship was generally of the ‘two-steps-forward-one-step-back’ variety over the years, Catherine was instinctively concerned about the younger woman. Sara had a reputation as a loner and a workaholic who was very passionate about her work. That made her a great CSI. And any good CSI knew that the only way to prevent passion from becoming obsession was by having an outlet. She had Lindsey to keep her grounded. There were times Sara stepped so close to the edge, Catherine was worried no one was there to pull her back. She needn’t have. From their rapport, Alex seemed like someone Sara could talk to when she needed a friend. Or maybe even when she needed more than a friend.  
  
Catherine crunched a piece of carrot and let her musings wander a little south. It wasn’t a secret that Sara swung both ways. Alex was an attractive woman and it didn’t take a Level Three CSI to figure out the possibilities. In fact she could think of a couple of male CSIs who’d love to figure out _all_ the possibilities.  
  
A loud ding signalled that it was time to check on the oven and she pushed all thoughts of Sara and Alex out of her mind. Wherever they were and whatever they were up to, Catherine was sure that their evening would be more exciting than hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boring work stuff but needs must :)


	6. Chapter 6

“Just open your mouth and put it in.”   
  
“This isn’t really my thing…”   
  
“Look, let me show you how easy it is. Open. Insert. Taste. Mmm, perfect…”   
  
“I don’t know…”   
  
“You won’t know till you try. Where’s your sense of adventure, Alex?”   
  
Alex knew that she wasn’t going to get out of this so she chose a small piece and popped it into her mouth. Sara watched as Alex chewed tentatively. The flavour obviously agreed with her because she picked up another piece with her fork after swallowing the first mouthful.    
  
“This textured soy protein meat substitute tastes better than it sounds,” Alex commented as she scrutinized the small print with renewed interest.      
  
Sara gave her one of her famous death-stares which Alex deliberately ignored by perusing the back of the box between bites.    
  
“It’s a vegetarian steak.”   
  
“That is an oxymoron.”   
  
“Stop being oxymoronic,” Sara said, stressing the last three syllables.   
  
“Sidle, the word ‘steak’ implies that it used to have a face.”   
  
“Alexandra Eileen Thompson, you can be such a Neanderthal…”   
  
“Flattery won’t get you anywhere with me. Besides, are you always so charming with your dinner dates?”   
  
“They’re normally more appreciative of my cooking skills.”   
  
“I think this,” Alex lifted her now empty plate, “is ample proof of my appreciation. My compliments to the chef.”   
  
Sara smiled and handed Alex a beer before settling down on the other half of the sofa. By the time they had got back to Sara’s apartment, neither woman had had the desire or energy to go out again. While Sara was busy in the kitchen, Alex went through her notes from the interview, and in the half hour it took for dinner to be ready, the coffee table had been transformed into a makeshift desk.   
  
It had been a while since Sara had had company and she’d forgotten how good it felt not to be alone in her own home. A couple of beers later, the casual banter whittled down to a trickle and Sara could tell from the glint in Alex’s eyes what was coming next. She knew that company with Alex came with a price and tried to head it off at the pass by turning on the television. Alex wasn’t going to be put off so easily and just sat there watching Sara pretending to be engrossed in the news. Each woman was equally stubborn in her intention not to give in and by the time the weather report came on, Alex had lost her patience. She picked up the remote and pressed the ‘off’ button.   
  
“Hey, the weather’s about to come on.” Sara tried to sound indignant but Alex waved her protest aside.   
  
“Yes, yes. It may rain but it’s most likely to be sunshine. We’re in the middle of the freaking desert after all.”    
  
Sara glared at Alex. If Alex thought she would give up so easily, she had another think coming. Without looking, Sara picked up a random magazine from the pile on the floor but before she could flip open the cover, it was plucked away from her grasp and tossed across the sofa. Alex, it seemed, was determined to get her attention. This little game was getting tiresome. Might as well just get it over with. She finally turned to look at Alex who had a grin on her face almost as big as the axe waiting to drop.    
  
“Sooooo…”    
  
Sara cut her off before she could say anything else. “No, nuh uh, we're not talking about that.”   
  
Alex raised an eyebrow, feigning innocence. "Talking about what?"   
  
" _ You _ know," Sara answered through gritted teeth.   
  
"I do?"   
  
Alex wasn’t going to make it easy for her.   
  
"Catherine."   
  
Alex smirked triumphantly. "Oh! I was going to talk about work but since you're so preoccupied with her..."   
  
Sara had been sucker-punched and she knew it.  “You are evil.”   
  
“I know. And you love me anyway.”    
  
“I sometimes wonder why,” Sara muttered.   
  
Alex knew that getting Sara to talk about her feelings was about as difficult as getting a tooth pulled out, so she started the ball rolling from a different angle.   
  
“So, Catherine has a daughter…”   
  
The subject of Lindsey caught Sara slightly off guard and her posture relaxed visibly.                                                
  
“Lindsey. She’s twelve and I swear, Lex, she’s a mirror image of her mother in looks and character.”    
  
Alex just smiled at her without saying anything.   
  
“What?”   
  
“Nothing…”   
  
“Don’t ‘nothing’ me, Alexandra.”   
  
“I’ve never imagined you as a mother.”   
  
Sara almost sprayed out the beer that was in her mouth. Fortunately for the carpet and Alex, she managed to choke it down instead.    
  
“Read my lips, Alex. We. Are. Just. Friends.”   
  
“You want it to be more though…”    
  
Sara drained the last of her beer and plonked the bottle down a little harder than she meant to.    
  
“So what if I do? Everybody fantasizes but that doesn’t mean we should act on every impulse and make fools of ourselves. This ‘relationship’ you’re intent on creating is never going to happen.”    
  
Alex drew her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees.    
  
“Why not?”   
  
“Because…”   
  
“Because?”   
  
Sara knew her friend was being deliberately obtuse.  _ Fine, two can play at that game. _   
  
“Because I say so.”   
  
“I apologize, I was wrong about what I said,” Alex said, not sounding particularly contrite. Sara eyed her warily, waiting for an elaboration, which Alex was only too happy to provide. “You’d make a great mother. You sound like one already.”    
  
Sara groaned and thumped her forehead in exasperation. She couldn’t believe that she’d fallen for that one.    
  
“You’re so funny.”   
  
“I know, but, enough about me. You were about to explain why the idea of asking Catherine out is scaring the crap out of you.”   
  
“It doesn't. Besides, we’ve been out together before.”   
  
Sara's tone was nowhere near convincing.   
  
“Work outings don’t count and according to you, neither do ‘my-ex-is-a-bastard’ drinking’ sessions.”    
  
Sara opened her mouth to protest but stopped halfway, realising that she didn’t have a rebuttal for that. Alex took the silence to mean she was right and pressed on.   
  
“Have you tried asking her out. Say for dinner?”   
  
Sara kept quiet.   
  
“How about a drink?”     
  
Still no response. Alex was getting exasperated.   
  
“How then do you know she’ll say no?”    
  
_ Finally, an easy question. _ Sara had gone through the reasons in her head so many times she knew it by rote.   
  
“Let’s start with the fact that she was married and has since had numerous boyfriends…”   
  
“Could be she hasn’t met the right woman. You of all people should know that bisexuality isn’t a myth.”   
  
Sara chose to ignore Alex’s commentary and continued.   
  
“…she hates my guts half the time…”    
  
“Displacement of one emotion with another. Attraction and desire with aggression and aloofness.”   
  
“…and even if we warped into some alternate universe where she’s interested and we’re best friends, we’d still have nothing much in common.”   
  
“You work together don’t you? Besides, it’s scientific law that opposites attract. Anything else?”   
  
Alex looked at her expectantly.    
  
“Alex, if I fuck up with Catherine, I don’t know if I’ll be able to work with her every day pretending nothing ever happened and I’m not prepared to run away again. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I’m at home; I love my job and I love the people I work with.”   
  
“You are not going to fuck up. I’m not suggesting you propose to her on the first date. Just ask her out for dinner and take it from there. The worst that could happen is that she says no. It’s not like she’ll bite your head off…”   
  
“She might…” Sara mumbled.   
  
Alex sighed and sat up, stretching the kinks from her back.   
  
“You know what, if she’s the kind of person who’ll do that, then she’s not good enough for you.” Sara looked mildly surprised as Alex continued talking. “Come to think of it, she sounds like a downright bitch.”   
  
“Well, I wouldn’t quite put it that way…”   
  
Alex was getting more worked up by the second.   
  
“A bitch with a heart of stone…”   
  
“Now hang on a minute, I didn’t say that…” Sara tried to stem the tirade by raising her voice a little but it didn’t work.    
  
“…a manipulative, scheming…”   
  
“Stop it! That’s not true. She may be tough on the outside but Catherine has a heart of gold. If you’d seen how hard she works her cases, how she sticks her neck out to speak for the victims even though it gets her in trouble... Grissom may be the boss but Catherine is the heart of the team and…” Sara trailed off, recognizing the smirk on Alex’s face. “You're looking at me as if I have something on my face...”   
  
Alex didn’t answer straight away. She padded across the room to the kitchen counter and picked something up from a jumble of items before retreating back to the sofa.   
  
“Just egg. I think you’ve just proven my point, so, here…” Alex grinned as she pressed something metallic into Sara’s hand.    
  
“Are we going somewhere?”   
  
“No. But you are. I need to work and you are going to have a talk with a certain someone at the lab, so scoot…” Alex said, waving Sara towards the door.   
  
“I can’t believe I’m getting thrown out of my own apartment.”    
  
“I think of it as giving science a helping hand. The attractive force between two opposite charges is inversely proportionate to the square of the distance between them, remember?”   
  
“You’re quoting the inverse square law of electricity to support your case?” Sara asked, shaking her head in disbelief.    
  
“What’s wrong with that? Science is meant to be practical, isn’t it?”    
  
“I doubt this was what Coulomb had in mind when he came up with the law.”    
  
“Whatever it takes to get through that beautiful head of yours. And in case you need an opening line,” Alex winked as she reached for a folder from the top of the pile, “notes for the lead CSI from today’s interview. I don’t know  _ how _ it completely slipped my mind to leave Catherine a copy.”     
  
Maybe Alex’s optimism was rubbing off on her. Maybe the lingering buzz from the alcohol was taking effect. Hell, maybe it was simply because she had wanted to do this for the longest time. Whatever the reason, Sara found herself pulling on her jacket. She was halfway out the door, report in hand, when Alex called out to her.   
  
“See you later.”    
  
“You sure you’ll be okay on your own?”   
  
“I’m sure. I promise the hookers will be gone by the time you get back,” Alex teased.   
  
“I don’t even want to know. Wish me luck… ” Sara said with a small grin before closing the door behind her.   
  
Alex listened to the sound of Sara’s footsteps fading down the corridor before turning her attention back to work. The smallest sliver of jealousy tugged at the corner of her heart as she wondered if Catherine knew how lucky she was.


	7. Chapter 7

“I know why you’re really here. And it’s not just because you’re playing courier for Alex, right?”   
  
It was more of a statement than a question since Catherine had that all-knowing smile on her face. Sara’s was more of the plastic variety that was growing more uncomfortable by the second. It was now or never.   
  
“Well, actually, I was wondering…” Before Sara could continue, Catherine held up an index finger and stopped her.   
  
“Don’t waste your breath. The answer is no.”   
  
Her heart plummeted and it felt like Catherine just punched her in the gut. She hadn’t expected to be shot down before she even finished asking the question.      
  
“Oh…” Even that single syllable sounded toneless and deflated.    
  
“And don’t give me that puppy-eyed look. It isn’t going to work.”    
  
Catherine’s voice was firm but there was a smile trying to escape from the corners of her mouth.  _ Great _ \- not only was Sara rejected; Catherine also thought she was a joke. Puppy-eyed look indeed. Sara Sidle had numerous qualities, desirable or otherwise – the stubbornness of a mule and tenacity of a leech among others – but she resented the implication that she  _ ever _ had a look that even remotely resembled a doleful canine. Unfortunately, her indignant response came out sounding like a question instead.   
  
“What?”    
  
Screw it. Any attempt at a verbal protest seemed pointless, if not also comical, since her speech was currently limited to monosyllabic replies. In fact, there was a question at the tip of her tongue but the words refused to materialize no matter how hard she tried. All that effort must have shown on Sara’s face because Catherine’s expression softened.   
  
“I know how important this is to you but at least now you get to spend more time with Alex…”   
  
The mention of Alex threw Sara into mild confusion. Did Catherine think…?   
  
“What has she got to do with this?” She blurted out once her ability to converse returned.   
  
Catherine was still deciding how much to presume in her answer. Before she could respond, the question that was eluding Sara snapped into focus, her previous query all but forgotten.   
  
“How did you know what I was going to say before I asked it?”          
  
Relieved at being let off the hook from committing a potential faux pas, she replied, “Gil warned me about you. He said there was a high probability you’d try to pull off something like this.”   
  
Grissom knew? Was she so obvious that everyone knew how she felt already? Sara didn’t think so but she wasn’t sure anymore. And if Grissom the Oblivious knew, she could just imagine the rumours flying around the lab by now. Her natural defences kicked in automatically.   
  
“Catherine, I don’t know what Grissom has been telling you but…”   
  
The blonde shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Sara. You should know better anyway. Rules are rules and you’re not going to break them.”    
  
A random image floated into her mind, one of Grissom holding a status meeting on acceptable conduct pertaining to interpersonal relationship and dating protocol in CSI. Complete with application forms to submit for approval. In triplicate. She had to shake her head to clear it away before she laughed out loud. She must have been out of this dating game for longer than she realized - surely it hadn’t been this complicated the last time she asked someone out.    
  
“What rules…?”   
  
Sara almost regretted asking when those blue eyes flashed impatiently at her.      
  
“I may be subbing for Grissom as shift supervisor but that doesn’t mean you get to take advantage of that. You’re maxed out on overtime this month and you’re going straight home. End of discussion.”   
  
Overtime? This whole conversation was about working overtime? Sara didn’t know whether to feel relieved or stupid. It felt like both. Luckily for her, maintaining a poker face was second nature and all Catherine could see was a thoughtful expression. It took all of two seconds to decide that her easiest way out of this situation was to let Catherine believe her assumption was right.   
  
“Catherine, I might as well help out since I’m already here. I feel like the only person who’s not pulling a fair share of the caseload right now. Alex virtually threw me out of the apartment so that she could work.”   
  
It may not have been the whole truth but nevertheless it was the truth. Catherine smiled inwardly at the image of a bored and restless Sara craning over Alex’s shoulder every two minutes offering to ‘help’.     
  
“I’m sorry Sara, the answer is still no. I can’t justify authorizing overtime unless some time-sensitive evidence shows up in this case. You’ll be back to work in,” Catherine glanced at her watch, “less than twenty hours anyway. Enjoy it while you can.”    
  
Sara heaved an exaggerated sigh and held up her hands in mock surrender. “A girl’s gotta try.”     
  
Catherine smiled benevolently.   
  
“And I’ve got a job to do. Thanks for dropping this by.”    
  
Catherine placed the file onto the already huge pile of folders balanced precariously on Grissom’s desk and dropped her head back to the report she was reading. That was Sara’s cue to go, unspoken invitation notwithstanding. She had it all rehearsed in the car but Catherine’s reaction made it all null and void since her plan consisted of offering to stay and help, culminating in an invitation to have breakfast together after shift.    
  
Sara was already halfway across the office when she stopped and turned around. The means may have to be changed but the objective was still the same. Her eyes fixated on the first thing they landed on and it was the old metronome Grissom kept on the shelf behind his desk. She remembered asking him about it as well as his usual inane, cryptic response.   
  
_ I keep it there to remind me that timing is everything. _   
  
Sara could waste time mulling over what Grissom meant by that but her random thought of the moment was that allegro was the musical tempo that came between moderato and presto. It was also approximately, she was sure, the rate at which her pulse was racing. She shifted her gaze away from the inconsequential contraption and set it instead on the blonde head bent over the desk.   
  
“By the way, did we find anything new in the evidence?” Sara asked casually, hoping that her voice didn’t betray any nervousness.   
  
Catherine looked up, slightly exasperated to see Sara still standing there. She wasn’t in the mood to be having a battle of wills or in this case, ‘won’ts’. This could be the beginning of yet another ploy to change her mind but she decided to give Sara the benefit of the doubt.    
  
“Not really. We’ve resorted to pulling everything else we can on Avery – bank statements, credit card bills, phone records. If you were doing overtime tonight, you’d be on trash detail with Nick.”     
  
Sara wrinkled her nose at the idea, drawing a wide grin from Catherine's face.   
  
“Didn't think so. Nick had the same look on his face when I told him. Even if he finds anything, it’ll probably be more of what we already have a ton of – evidence that Daniel Avery committed the crimes. If Alex doesn’t come up with something the DA can use to prove state of mind, then the scumbag is going to get away with all of it.”   
  
“Getting locked up in a mental asylum isn’t exactly getting away with it.”    
  
The blonde sighed, nodding in agreement.  “If he gets convicted as a person of sound mind, it’s multiple counts of murder one. That’s life without parole or the needle. This way he has a chance of walking free again if his lawyer can eventually convince a judge that he is no longer mentally ill.”    
  
Sara hated this part of their job. This was the kind of a loophole that five-hundred-dollar-an-hour defence attorneys were paid to sniff out. And Avery had one of the best on retainer. 

At least she had the one certainty she could rely on. “If there is any way to prove that he is faking this whole insanity plea, Alex will find it.”   
  
“You seem to have a great deal of faith in her,” Catherine observed coolly, in spite of Sara’s conviction.   
  
“Comes from knowing her for as long as I have.”    
  
The conversation lapsed into momentary silence and Sara knew she was on borrowed time. Catherine would remind her to leave again soon.   
  
“Look, I’m going to go now but I was wondering if you have anything planned for breakfast after shift…”   
  
“If you call coffee and leftover pasta a plan, then yes I do.”   
  
You’d have to work graveyard to understand how pasta for breakfast or cornflakes for dinner made complete sense.    
  
“What do you say to a change of plan and some company in the morning?”   
  
Catherine was intrigued. Two invitations in as many days was a record, especially since the Sara Sidle she was familiar with was not a social creature. If Alex responsible for  this transformation, she must be quite a woman. Spending time with the two of them over breakfast sounded like an enlightening and increasingly appealing prospect.     
  
“Since you’re asking, I am assuming that Alex wasn’t joking about what you were feeding her… ”     
  
Sara groaned. “She thinks she’s a regular riot.”     
  
“Breakfast sounds great and it’ll give me a chance to go over this report with Alex, but,” Catherine grinned, unable to pass up the opportunity to tease, “just to be on the safe side, let’s make it at the usual place.”   
  
“She exaggerates, but that's fine by me,” Sara tried to sound offended but the smile ruined the effect.   
  
“If she’s known you as long as she has, she probably knows something the rest of us don’t. Now, do I have to change my mind and stick you with Nick?”    
  
“No you don’t. As much as I  _ love _ his company, I’ll pass.” Sara took a step backwards before turning to leave.    
  
Catherine watched with a twinge of envy as Sara disappeared out the doorway. Whoever invented bureaucratic red tape should be shot. And by her book, it would be justifiable homicide. She took a deep breathe before focussing her attention back to the report. Wishful thinking wasn’t going to get any work done.    
  
************   
  
The moment she was out of Catherine’s line of sight, Sara steadied herself and blew out a huge breath.    
  
_ Way to go, Sara. _   
  
She should have told Catherine that Alex wasn’t part of the company instead of chickening out. Her plans had disintegrated into a working breakfast and she was now left with the task of convincing Alex to not only play chaperone but also behave, for at least an hour or two. Sara cringed as she recalled their conversation from earlier that night and wondered if it was too late to pray for a miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite a date but close enough :D


	8. Chapter 8

“Do you remember that chiropractor I used to date in Boston?”   
  
Sara was sitting across the booth from Alex but her mind was clearly somewhere else. 

“Huh, no, what…?”  
  
Alex sipped her coffee before continuing. “I’m sure I told you about her. The things that woman could do with her fingers. Last time I met her…”   
  
Sara made a face and held up a hand.   
  
“I don’t need to hear this right before breakfast.”  
  
“Just let me finish…” Alex trailed off when Sara whipped her head round in the direction of the entrance. The sound of traffic filtered into the diner and muted again as the door closed behind the newest patron who took his seat at the counter. Sara turned her attention back to a bemused Alex.  
  
“Sorry, what were you saying?”   
  
“I was just going to say she told me she moved to Vegas about six months ago. I should give you her number.”  
  
It hadn’t taken much effort on Sara’s part to convince Alex to join them for breakfast. Extracting a promise that she would behave in front of Catherine was a futile effort as Alex chose to be deliberately vague.   
  
“I thought we had a deal.”   
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You know exactly what I mean. Do I have to make you promise again that you’ll behave?”  
  
“Did I promise? I don’t remember.”  
  
“Lex….” Sara groaned with frustration.  
  
“Don’t you trust me?”   
  
She was clearly having her fun at Sara’s expense. If it were anyone other than Alex, Sara would have long since suggested she did something obscene to herself. But this _was_ Alex, so, one, she’d just have laughed it off and intensified her efforts just to annoy Sara and two, she knew that in spite of all the teasing and baiting, Alex always had her best interests in mind.   
  
“I do not need you to set me up with your ex-girlfriends.”    
  
“Okay, but it’s for your own good. The way you’re twisting your neck round every three minutes, you’ll need a chiropractor real soon.”  
  
This already felt like the longest breakfast in the history of time and Catherine wasn’t even there yet.   
  
“Who needs a chiropractor?”   
  
That woman had one hell of a sense of timing. Catherine slipped into the seat next to Alex and looked at both women expectantly.  
  
“No-one.” Sara shot Alex a warning glare before quickly changing the topic, “Busy night?”  
  
“Double homicide out in Summerlin so guess who had to take over Nick’s trash detail?”  
  
“Sounds like fun.”  
  
“If you think that’s fun, what till you try and catch up on Gil Grissom’s paperwork,” Catherine answered sarcastically. “No wonder the man has all that time to play with his spiders.”   
  
Alex stared at Catherine. “I hope you are referring to little eight-legged web-spinning arachnids.”  
  
“The ones he rears are a little larger than your usual garden variety but, yes. What other kind is there?” Catherine’s curiosity was piqued.  
  
Alex shook her head and grinned broadly.   
  
“One of my patients was referred to me for treatment of compulsive sexual behaviour. He had a fetish for kinky sex and among the items in his vast collection of...” Alex cleared her throat before continuing, “…sexual accoutrements was this thing he called the spider. Turned out to be an eight tailed whip about this long and had a handle that doubled up as a …”   
  
The way Catherine and Sara’s expressions simultaneously changed from confusion to realization to disgust was priceless.  
  
“Ewww…”  
  
“My ears…”  
  
“My brain…”  
  
“Hurt…”  
  
“Please…”  
  
“Stop.”     
  
Alex watched in amusement as the two women played off each other flawlessly without even realising it.    
  
“Just for that, you can go get breakfast.” Sara shook her head several times but the image refused to go away completely.  
  
“It was worth it for the look on your faces. Be right back.”  
  
Alex walked up to the counter and placed their orders. Sara couldn’t hear what she was saying but the waiter seemed slightly confused at first. As she continued explaining, his expression slowly cleared up and he started smiling and nodding. Maybe she was imagining it but Sara swore he was losing the battle to stop from laughing out loud by the time he disappeared through the kitchen doors.   
  
“I thought you CSI types weren’t suppose to be squeamish,” Alex said, as she eased back into her seat.  
  
“And I thought that an esteemed psychiatrist like you would be more concerned about the danger of scarring us for life.”   
  
“Then I probably shouldn’t tell you he finally decided he needed therapy after a co-worker burst into his office while he was using Mr. Spider. She heard him moaning and thought he was having a heart attack.”  
  
There was a moment of silence before all three women burst out laughing.  
  
“Now I know why you became a psychiatrist.” Sara wiped a tear from her cheek.     
  
“I told you it’s not just for the big bucks. Downside is for every harmless Joe Spider I meet, there are ten Daniel Averys along the way. The human mind is much more twisted and cruel by choice than it is by illness.”   
  
“Do you think Daniel Avery had a choice?” Sara asked.  
  
“He chose the victims, he chose the timing to kill them and then he chose exactly when he would be caught by turning himself in. He’s in control of what happened all the way. Even the _non compos mentis_ defence is an attempt to control the consequence of his actions. I am probably the biggest threat to his sense of control because I didn’t react in horror or disgust to what he did.”  
  
Catherine nodded in agreement. “You’re right. His counsel is bringing in their own psychiatrist to support the defence. A Dr. William Logan.”  
  
Alex looked impressed.  
  
“They’ve done their homework. If I were thinking of pulling off an insanity defence of this proportion, I’d hire Bill Logan as my expert witness. Only trouble is he doesn’t get out of bed for anything less than a five-figure retainer and three hundred dollars an hour.”  
  
“Considering that his attorneys probably cost twice as much, I don’t think he’s losing any sleep over the bank balance.”  
  
The conversation paused as coffee was served. As soon as the waitress stepped away from their booth, Catherine continued.  
  
“Looks like your reputation precedes you…”  
  
“What do you mean?”   
  
Catherine measured her next words carefully.  
  
“If you’re as good as Sara says you are, they’re going to need the best money can buy.”  
  
Alex paused a split second before bringing the coffee cup to her lips and taking a sip. The hot, bitter liquid stung the back of her throat in an oddly pleasant way.  
  
“I’m flattered but I was under the impression that she’s a much more avid admirer of yours than mine.”   
  
Alex grinned from ear to ear as Catherine shifted her attention towards the brunette.    
  
“Really? What did she say?” Catherine asked, without taking her eyes off Sara.  
  
“I’d love to go into the sordid details but breakfast is served.”   
  
The waitress placed a platter on their table. It held two halves of a skinned melon, round-side up, with a single red cherry on top of each. In contrast, the peaches were still fuzzy but had their pits removed through a vertical oval slit right in the middle of each fruit. Sara’s eyes widened in horror as she realized what Alex was up to. Why the guy who took the order was laughing. She was going to kill Alex for pulling off a stunt like this. Unfortunately, she had to deal with the situation at hand first since there was no chance that the earth would open and swallow her up.   
  
“You didn’t…” Sara hissed at Alex.  
  
“You're welcome…” Alex whispered back smugly.  
  
Catherine liked melons and peaches well enough but from the way Alex was smirking at them, she knew there had to be something more to it. The fact that Sara was staring daggers at Alex strengthened her suspicion.  
  
“Melons,” she commented needlessly. Something looked vaguely familiar about the way they were deliberately arranged but she couldn’t put her finger to it.     
  
“A pair of melon halves and cherries, served with fuzzy peaches on the side. We used to have it all the time on girls’ night when we were at Harvard.”  
  
Alex drained the rest of her coffee and started putting on her jacket. Catherine looked at her in surprise.   
  
“You’re leaving already? What about breakfast?”      
  
“I’ll take a rain check. Besides,” she nodded towards Sara, “my work is done and Sidle here probably has had enough of me playing chaperone for one morning. Enjoy your breakfast. It’s one of the classics from the book.”  
  
“What book?”  
  
Sara was too preoccupied plotting in excruciating detail what she was going to do to Alex when she got home to stop her from answering. She was a CSI. She knew how to off a person and get rid of the body discreetly without leaving a trace.  
  
“The Sapphic Food Lover’s Recipe Book. It was the best nineteen ninety-nine I ever spent. You should get Sara to show you her copy.”   
  
Discretion be damned. She was going to kill her right now. The judge will let her off on extreme emotional distress. Justifiable homicide. The only problem was - since all the blood in her body had taken up permanent residence in her face - her limbs refused to work.   
  
Sara was certain her face was an unnatural shade of red by now and neither woman said anything until the door closed behind Alex.   
  
“Since when do we need a chaperone?”


	9. Chapter 9

Sara couldn’t be sure if Catherine was being deliberately ambiguous but she knew that prematurely showing her hand could end in irreversible and embarrassing consequences. Since outright denial was now out of the question, the other option would be to go on a fishing expedition, even though that had a slim to nil chance of uncovering Catherine’s intent. It was a no-brainer - she chose option two.  
  
_A ramble in the park can be a good thing._   
  
If she repeated that in her head enough times, she would convince herself she wasn’t being a complete coward.     
  
“Alex likes to feel useful.”   
  
It was clear that the lanky brunette was floundering. Her patently obvious attempt to avoid answering Catherine’s question was, well, just that. Catherine decided to play along just to see where this whole conversation was leading.        
  
“So she orders us a fruit platter? She must think I have a vitamin C deficiency.”   
  
Speaking of which, there was no sense in letting good fruit go to waste. It had been a long night and unlike her nervous table mate, she didn’t consider coffee to be food. Catherine speared a piece of melon onto her fork and popped it whole into her mouth. Her taste buds protested the sweetness of the fruit but only because of its contrast with the bitter aftertaste of coffee.   
  
“If she thinks anyone is deficient, it would be me,” Sara mumbled under her breath.   
  
Her response was automatic, typical of Sara chastising herself needlessly. Catherine's answer was spontaneous but only because it was genuine.   
  
“You’re many things, Sara, but you’re not deficient.”   
  
Was that a hint of encouragement she detected? Sara lifted the cup to her lips to cover the faint smile that was threatening to break loose. Even the bitter dregs that accompanied the last mouthful of coffee didn’t make her wince like it usually did. Her little game of hide and seek was momentarily forgotten as her gaze somehow fell inappropriately on the cleavage of the baby blue shirt Catherine was wearing.   
  
“You’re certainly not lacking in any way yourself,” Sara murmured appreciatively before realising she actually said that out loud. Blue eyes narrowed instantly as Catherine followed her gaze.   
  
“I was referring to your investigative skills but thank you anyway.”   
  
“I meant that. Your abilities as a CSI.” Sara was desperately trying to look anywhere but straight ahead.   
  
Catherine decided that she’d underestimated her counterpart’s ability to procrastinate the inevitable. “Sara, we didn’t come here to trade compliments or go round the houses, so why don’t you tell me what this is all about.”   
  
“What?”   
  
“This.” Catherine waved a hand between the two of them.   
  
“This? It’s just, you know, coffee and fruit. Breakfast.” Sara knew she was sinking fast but she couldn’t help groping for the lifeline one last time.   
  
“Seems to me it’s more than that. I smell a set-up. Or if you prefer, I can go ask Alex.”   
  
So much for a taking a ramble. Sara swallowed a deep breath before answering.   
  
“Alex has appointed herself match-maker extraordinaire and decided that I wasn’t pro-active enough for her liking.”   
  
Catherine raised an eyebrow. The penny was starting to drop. The breakfast platter. The deliberate presentation. Sara’s nervousness.

“So this is supposed to be a date?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call this a date…”  
  
“What would you call it?”  
  
Sara shrugged her shoulders. A couple of things came to mind – a shot in the dark, an attempt to see if pigs fly – but none of them sounded right.   
  
“Getting to know each other better away from work?”   
  
“In other words, a date,” Catherine said with a hint of surprise in her voice. “I was under the impression that the two of you are a couple.”  
  
“Were. Ancient history. These days, she’s more interested in getting me into embarrassing situations with my co-workers.”  
  
“And why would she think I’d be a good candidate?”  
  
Sara searched Catherine’s face for any clue as to what the older woman was thinking, feeling. Catherine didn’t seem shocked or angry, as Sara would have expected. In fact, her expression was frustratingly nondescript.  
  
“She’s always had good taste in women as well as, in her less than humble opinion, infallible female intuition.”  
  
“I’ll take the compliment but I wouldn’t give up my day job I were her.”  
  
“Why is that?”   
  
As soon as the words left her mouth, Sara wished she hadn’t said it. Her gut told her she wasn't going to like the answer.  
  
“She should have made sure both parties were interested before she proceeded. It could have been worse…”  
  
Sara felt a knot form in her stomach but forced herself to ask the next question.  
  
“How could it be worse?”  
  
Catherine gave her a hard look before answering.   
  
“Someone else could have overheard us and misunderstood the whole scenario. You know how the more ludicrous the rumour is, the quicker it spreads.”  
  
The knot was gradually growing into a lump of sizeable proportion. Sara kept her voice as casual as she could manage under the circumstances.  
  
“I didn’t think the idea of a romantic relationship between two women would turn many heads these days. People are going to think what they want. Logic and fact are just minor inconveniences.”  
  
Her reply was a cynical smile. “Oh, I know all about being unconventional, singularly or in a relationship. We don’t need the jungle drums setting off just because Alex chose to jump to the wrong conclusion over a completely hypothetical situation.”   
  
The knot in Sara’s stomach had eased slightly and raw nervousness was being replaced by an almost masochistic curiosity.   
  
“What if, hypothetically, Alex didn’t come to this conclusion on her own?”   
  
Catherine looked at her impassively. She had no desire to hurt Sara’s feelings but she would resort to being blunt if that was the only recourse.  
  
“If that’s the case, some hypothetical person was giving her bad, unsubstantiated information which she should have verified in the first place.”  
  
“Verified?”  
  
“Yes, verified. Made certain of the facts. Consulted the actual parties concerned instead of relying on hearsay.”  
  
“And what if that hypothetical person was me?”  
  
Catherine stiffened perceptibly. Her voice came out low and harsh.  
  
“Then we need to end this conversation before one of us makes a serious mistake.”  
  
“You think it would a mistake?”  
  
“Yes I do.” Catherine responded curtly, bracing herself for a barrage of arguments.  
  
“Then forget I said anything.” Sara's reply was a dull whisper.   
   
Catherine sighed at the tone of Sara's voice. It had to be a lose-lose situation, didn’t it? Instead of dealing with awkward protests, she would have to deal with awkward silence.   
  
“Look, we’ve got a case to work and I need you to be focused. Is this going to be a problem?”   
  
“Is what going to be a problem?” Sara forced a stilted smile.   
  
She didn’t have time to resolve this right now but the last thing Catherine needed was for a misunderstanding to escalate into gossip. “Good. I’m glad we understand each other. And, I’d appreciate it if this conversation stayed between the two of us.”  
  
_Go to hell, Catherine._  
  
“What about Alex?”  
  
Catherine ran a hand through her hair and sighed again. “All right, the three of us but that's as far as it goes. I don’t want to have to deal with all the unnecessary speculation.”  
  
In the numerous times Sara had gone through this scene in her mind, imagining what she would say, how she would react, she had never once anticipated the way she was feeling now.   
  
Empty. Hollow. Numb.   
  
Catherine’s words had sucked every ounce of energy from her body. Fortunately, a shrill tone from Catherine’s cell phone spared her the need to respond.  The conversation was brief. Catherine got up to leave even before she finished putting the phone away.  
  
“As much as I’d love to continue this awkward conversation, I’ve got to go. Thanks for breakfast.”   
  
Sara managed a half smile which Catherine never even saw since she was already halfway to the door. It was barely nine am and her day had already hit rock bottom. Sara knew she should go home. Or maybe back to the lab to work herself into oblivion. Neither option was particularly enticing at that moment but she knew what was.


	10. Chapter 10

“Hit me.”   
  
“No.”   
  
“Come on, Rudy.”   
  
“No.”   
  
“Do I need to come round back and do it myself?”   
  
“You’ve had enough, Sara.”    
  
Sara glared at the heavyset figure behind the bar but he held her gaze easily. Seeing that he was going to be as adamant as she was insistent, she stumbled to her feet, using the countertop to steady herself.   
  
“Fine. I’ll just go somewhere else my business is welcomed.”   
  
“Go.” Rudy called her bluff and went back to wiping down the countertop.    
  
She regarded him for a few seconds and started fumbling in her pockets for her keys. Her current state of intoxication complicated the process as they remained elusively just out of reach. Cursing softly, Sara started to empty her pockets. Rudy observed that this served only to exacerbate the situation since her lack of dexterity was causing their ex-contents to spill onto the floor. Finally, she fished out the duo of keys with a smug grin, apparently oblivious to the fact that she was minus a cell phone, a pager and a wallet; all unceremoniously strewn on the hardwood floor.       
  
Apparent was the operative word at that moment. Was Sara as intoxicated as she appeared to be or was she calling his bluff?   
  
“I’m gone.”     
  
When Sara took a tentative step forward, lurching slightly as if the terrain was unstable, Rudy knew his hand was forced. Either way, she was still sober enough to make good her threat but it wouldn’t take more than a couple more drinks to push her over the edge. He didn’t want to think about what might happen to her then. Sighing heavily, he tossed the cleaning cloth under the counter.   
  
“Where do you think you’re going?”   
  
She could hear him coming round the bar. Since her back was still towards him, she allowed her lips to curl up in a satisfied and uncharacteristically sober grin, considering the state she was supposed to be in. Sara could hear him gathering up her wayward possessions and piling them on the bar.    
  
“Sit down.”     
  
It took the two seconds needed to rearrange expression into a suitably inebriated look before she complied. Rudy eyed her warily as he resumed his place behind the bar. When he reached under the counter and fished out a squat glass bottle, Sara knew she’d won.   
  
“You’re a mean drunk and they’ll throw you out in two seconds. Who’s gonna haul your sorry ass off the sidewalk?”   
  
“Just shut up and pour.”   
  
Sara smirked triumphantly as he caught the tumbler she slid across the worn surface of the bar. There was no longer any need for deception since she had succeeded in her objective.   
  
He grumbled out loud as he poured from the bottle. “I don’t know why you drink this stuff. No one else does.”   
  
Glass thunked loudly against wood as Rudy set the bottle down on the bar a little harder than he needed to. Sara watched the amber liquid slosh around the half empty bottle before picking up the drink.   
  
“Your customers are philistines. And it’s single malt whisky, Rudy. Not _ stuff. _ ”   
  
Sara emptied the tumbler in one easy swallow and reached over for the rest of the bottle. Rudy watched silently as she slopped another measure of liquid into her glass.    
  
“This stuff will kill you, you know.”   
  
Her senses may have been muffled by the alcohol but Sara managed a derisive snort. Rudy stiffened defensively as he pushed the wayward stopper back onto the bottle.    
  
“Most of my patrons don’t drink whisky like it’s going out of fashion tomorrow.”    
  
The drink was halfway to her lips when she paused and looked as if she was considering his rationale. He almost thought his plan had worked until Sara grinned rakishly and toasted him. She clinked her glass against the bottle and downed the contents in one smooth motion. He shook his head, knowing that nothing he said would make a difference.    
  
“Leave me alone.”   
  
Anyone else would have felt insulted by the brusque tone of her voice but Rudy knew Sara well enough to know there was no malice intended. For some reason, she needed to disconnect with reality, even if it was just for a few hours. The bar was expectedly quiet this time of the day and he felt safe enough to leave her on her own.   
  
Sara refilled her drink, not caring that a good part of the whisky wasn’t ending up in her glass. The buzz in her head was increasingly overpowering as she allowed herself to drift towards a place where all conscious thought dissolved.    
  
Well, almost all.    
  
The singular thought she was adamant on banishing was that of a five and a half foot blonde. Ironically, that was the one image that the alcohol had failed to sear away thus far. No matter. She had all the time and all the whisky in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one, this but crucial to the plot :)


	11. Chapter 11

Alex moaned in relief as she finally dropped her pen on the table. It had been a long day - interviewing Daniel Avery, interspersed with phone calls and meetings with various powers that be, all wanting to be updated and given status reports. She was beginning to remember the other reason why she’d left the federal system.    
  
“You’re still here.”     
  
Alex turned to see Catherine at the doorway. There wasn’t any spare space so the conference room had been sequestered into a makeshift office for the duration of her visit. That meant she had very little privacy but on the plus side, her work area did have more than ample space. The ever-growing pile of files and folders with which she was laden occupied but a fraction of the huge table monopolizing the room.   
  
“Thankfully, not for much longer. I’m just clearing up.”    
  
“Rough day?” Catherine pulled up a chair across the table.   
  
“No more than expected,” Alex said, letting out a huge sigh. “Should have known that some things never change,” she added acerbically, “but the next bureaucratic asshole who asks for a status update is going to get their butt kicked all the way down the Strip. Don’t these people talk to each other?”   
  
Catherine smiled ruefully while looking somewhat embarrassed. “In that case, I’m next in line but I’ll take a butt-kicking over the prospect of talking to Ecklie any more than I have to. So give it your best shot.”    
  
Alex let out a bark of laughter. “Why do I get the feeling that my life will be in mortal danger if I come anywhere near that part of your anatomy?”   
  
Catherine’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “I didn’t think you scared so easily.”   
  
Alex lifted a finger in protest. “I don’t. You’re just fortunate you have Sara on your side.”   
  
The remnant of a smile was instantly replaced by a momentary twitch of annoyance before it fell behind the mask of cool indifference. “Lucky me.”   
  
Catherine’s dry response to her rhetoric wasn’t what she’d expected but instinct warned her to curb her curiosity, at least for now. Alex did observe, however, that although Catherine had regained her neutral expression, she refused to look Alex in the eye. She theorized that her actions earlier in the day had caused  _ something _ – what, she wasn’t sure since Sara had been persona in absentia for the last eight hours or so – to happen between Catherine and Sara.     
  
As she handed over the thin folder to its intended owner, Alex decided to test out her theory.   
  
“Lucky you indeed. Our Sara is quite a girl…”   
  
She might as well as poked a cattle prod at her companion because Catherine’s eyes jerked up immediately to meet her questioning gaze. If looks could kill, Alex would have been incinerated, pulverized and reduced to atoms in the microsecond it took for that familiar mask to materialize yet again.   
  
Catherine’s immediate reflex had been to lash out at Alex for that comment and the situation she’d induced earlier that day. She was glad she hadn’t. The whole situation disturbed her more than she cared to admit and until she regained her balance, she didn’t need anyone else wondering why.    
  
“If you say so,” Catherine answered in a flippant tone of voice as she focused on the first page of Alex’s report. Her next sentence was more deliberate, as she laced it with a good measure of sarcasm. “I’d be far more impressed if she’d actually turned up on time tonight.”   
  
_ Oh yes, something definitely happened this morning. _ __   
  
“She’s not here?”    
  
“If she is, I can’t find her.”   
  
Alex knew she should end the experiment before her luck ran out but she couldn’t resist the temptation.   
  
“I thought that the two of you...”   
  
This time, Catherine levelled her a look that would sear through carbon steel and held it firm. It practically dared Alex to finish the sentence the way both of them knew she’d intended to.      
  
“…stopped by the station to speak to Captain Brass before shift,” she continued smoothly. Alex allowed her lips to curl upwards ever so slightly at the fact that she’d deflected a potential blow-up and managed to throw the other woman off her guard.  

  
Keeping Catherine on tenterhooks was almost as satisfying as finding out what happened.        
  
Catherine felt the bottom fall out of her prepared rant and groped for a response that would not betray her disappointment.    
  
“I’ve been working on the phone logs for the past hour. You haven’t seen Sara since this morning?”   
  
“I haven’t even spoken to her at all. I just assumed that she had her hands full.”   
  
Catherine let the obvious innuendo pass without comment. “We all have our hands full and that’s precisely the reason why I don’t need her to start playing hooky now.”   
  
Alex’s brow creased slightly. “Sara Sidle does not play hooky. Have you tried calling her?”   
  
“Yes,” she retorted, “and I got her voicemail all six times.”    
  
Alex frowned. Catherine watched as the younger woman located her cell phone and tapped a sequence of buttons before bringing it up to her ear. The crease on her forehead turned into deeper furrows with each passing ring. Alex finally gave up and ended the call when the recording of Sara’s voice eventually kicked in for the third time.    
  
“She’s not answering. I’m going to try the apartment.”   
  
Thirty seconds and an answering machine later, Catherine gave her a look that practically said “I-told-you-so”. A tiny part of her felt relief knowing that Sara was not solely avoiding her. Not that it really mattered since she hadn't done anything wrong. If Sara chose to neglect work on purpose, she was asking for trouble.        
  
“Has she ever done this before? Disappeared from work without telling anyone?”   
  
“Never.”  Catherine answered instinctively, mildly surprised that she’d noticed that much about Sara. “Alex, she’s an adult who can take care of herself,” she added quickly, as if to justify her purported insight into her colleague.   
  
Alex was too busy trying to untangle the lump of anxiety occupying her gut to notice the defensive tone. “What if she’s in trouble?”   
  
As hard as she tried to convince herself that this was just a case of extreme tardiness or even childishness with Sara in avoidance mode, Catherine was starting to share some of Alex’s apprehension.  Somewhere between mind and mouth, that concern camouflaged itself behind a thick wall of irritation and annoyance.  “If she keeps up this game of hide and seek, she’ll be in a shitload of trouble.”    
  
The callous tone of Catherine’s remark had the instantaneous effect of transforming Alex’s anxiety to fury. She was about to shoot off a sentence that contained the words “bitch” and “heartless” when the screech of Catherine’s cell phone intervened. Saved by the proverbial bell.   
  
“Willows,” Catherine answered without even looking at the display. From her tone of voice, Alex surmised that she fully expected it to be yet another request for an update, some powers that be to placate, which was why the confused look that Catherine slowly developed as the conversation progressed didn’t make much sense.    
  
“Yes, this is she…what? Hold on…”   
  
Or why Catherine was now staring at the display of her cell phone while the line was still open. Alex did notice that when she brought the phone back to her ear, all traces of uncertainty were gone and her voice had a distinctly hard edge to it.   
  
“Who the hell are you and why do you have Sara’s phone?”


	12. Chapter 12

Alex was very rapidly losing control of the urge to wrench the phone out of Catherine’s grasp. She didn’t see how frowning silently at the unseen voice on the other end of the line was achieving anything. Granted, the conversation was probably about thirty seconds old instead of the eternity it seemed to be. And it was mostly, Alex’s rational inner voice argued, a monologue. Fortunately, Catherine’s voice came to life just in time.  
  
“Let me get this straight, she’s okay, right?” Catherine paused to allow the other person to speak, “…yes, other than that, she’s in one piece?”  
  
Alex couldn’t take the suspense any more.  
  
“Catherine, what is going on?”  
  
Catherine held up a hand to silence her while she listened intently.  
  
“Okay. Tell me where you are.”  
  
Cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder, Catherine searched the table for something to write on. She accepted the pen Alex tossed in her direction and scribbled a few brief lines on a scrap of paper before snapping the phone shut. Catherine took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before letting out an indiscernible string of words under her breath.  
  
“Where’s Sara?”  
  
The words grew more audible as she dropped the phone onto the table and started pacing, apparently oblivious to Alex’s question.   
  
“I don’t fucking believe this…”  
  
“What’s going on?” Alex rose from her seat and repeated more urgently, “Where. Is. Sara?”  
  
“Of all the irresponsible…”  
  
“Catherine…”  
  
“…illogical…”  
  
“Catherine…” Alex’s voice raised a register.  
  
“…moronic…”  
  
Alex’s patience snapped and the next thing she knew, her hands were grasping Catherine’s shoulders to stop her from pacing away. She might as well have grabbed a live wire. Catherine flashed her a look of equal parts surprise and outrage as she instinctively raised her arms to push Alex away. They met with thin air. In the split second before she made contact, Alex had released her hold and took a step back, palms up in the universal sign of surrender. She continued to hold Catherine’s gaze silently until the older woman lowered her hands to her hips again and Alex was sure her unspoken apology had quelled the tempest.    
  
“What is going on? Where is she?” Her tone of voice, though bearing the requisite amount of contrition, made it clear to Catherine that she would not be denied an answer.  
  
“She’s all right,” Catherine answered succinctly, as if it was explanation enough. Needless to say, it wasn’t.  
  
“What do you mean she’s ‘all right’?” Alex didn’t bother to keep the disbelief out of her voice.  
  
“Do you want her not to be all right?” Catherine countered sarcastically.   
  
Alex took a deep breath. It demanded a great deal of self-control to resist taking the bait that had been dangled so enticingly in front of her. As much as Catherine was asking for it, this verbal thrust and parry would just prolong into a stalemate if they both persisted. Catherine was angry and - regardless of the reason - Alex was fair game at that moment. A prudent tactician knew when to change strategies.  
  
“Where is Sara?”  
  
Catherine had expected a retort, some argument or protest and was slightly deflated when Alex didn’t push back as she expected her to. She couldn’t be certain her voice wouldn’t betray her disappointment so Catherine waved the paper she had written on in Alex’s direction instead.   
  
Within thirty seconds, Alex’s eyes went from greedy anticipation to revelation. She groaned softly when the information finally made sense. “I don’t fucking believe this…”  
  
Catherine’s lips quirked into a smile as the two women mirrored each other’s expressions.   
  
“I’m glad you agree with me, doctor…”  
  
Alex couldn’t help but let out a chuckle herself. “You know what they say about great minds…”  
  
“Or fools…” Catherine’s expression grew serious again as her eyes fell on the paper dangling between Alex’s fingers. The tension had seeped away but there was still this little situation to sort out.  
  
“So, what are you going to do now?” Alex rested a hip against the edge of the table, grateful to ease some weight off her feet.   
  
“Get back to work and hope that crime decides to call in sick tonight.”  
  
“No, I mean about this.” Alex held up the now infamous sheet of paper.  
  
“I have a report with her name on it when she comes to her senses.”  
  
“So, you’re just going to leave her there…”   
  
“Sara’s a big girl. She can take care of herself.”   
  
The words, echoing an earlier statement Catherine made, sounded even less convincing the second time round. From the unconvincing indifference she was trying to portray on her face, Catherine wasn’t having an easier time persuading herself either. Denial came in all shapes and sizes and Alex had seen enough to know that Catherine had got it bad. An evil thought occurred to her right then - nothing cured denial better than a good old-fashioned guilt trip.   
  
“I’m sure she can but someone should be with her anyway. You look like you have your hands full so I’ll go get her. Do you have a number for a cab?”   
  
Alex took her time searching for her cell phone before fishing it out of her bag. A furtive glance at the conflicted look on Catherine’s face confirmed that her gambit was working.   
  
“I’m sure I’ll be able to get her out of there in one piece,” Alex said as innocently as she could, well aware that she was shamelessly nudging a fragile conscience over the edge.  
  
Initially, Catherine had been grateful to be let off the hook so easily. But who ever said that life was easy? The mild relief was soon overcome by a sense of duty, concern and, damned if she’d admit it out loud, guilt, that she had some part to play in this whole situation.   
  
“Put your phone away, Alex. I’ll drive.”  
  
Alex arched an eyebrow at Catherine with the barest hint of a smirk on her face. This was turning out just as she’d planned after all. Catherine recognized the look and her defences came right back up.  
  
“You’ll never get a cab at this hour of the night.”  
  
Alex tilted her head in acquiescence as a token of graciousness. She had all the time in the world to gloat later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're on the move again!


	13. Chapter 13

Alex knew she should have gloated while she had the chance. Better yet, she should have just gotten the damn cab. How was she supposed to know that Catherine Willows was a speed junkie with a death wish?  They barrelled through yet another stop sign and Alex began to wonder when scenes from her life would start flashing past her eyes. Her jaw muscles were already starting to hurt from all that nervous clenching.   
  
“Is this a Vegas thing?” Alex asked as evenly as it was possible for someone whose teeth were being ground to enamel powder.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Whatever she’d intended to say was blanked out by a loud honk that rose and dipped in intensity as it screeched past the side of the car, barely missing it by a foot. Alex reflexively clung to the door handle with such force that it took a while before she was relaxed enough to pry her fingers loose. She took a deep breath, bringing some much-needed oxygen to her head before answering.  
  
“The last time I was on a ride this fast, moving non-stop on a narrow lane, it was a roller coaster.”  
  
Catherine turned towards Alex, looking maddeningly calm considering the circumstances. “This is a short-cut and we’re in a hurry, remember? Besides…”  
  
Before she had the chance to finish the sentence, a hand frantically propelled her to face forward again.    
  
“Car…” Alex yelped as twin spots of light grew larger at an alarming rate. Catherine veered the car expertly and, this time, Alex was convinced that she’d escaped her doom by mere inches. As she struggled to control her racing heartbeat, she noticed that Catherine had a decidedly smug look on her face and started to wonder if this demonstration of vehicular acrobatics was payback.   
  
“Sorry about that,” Catherine said, although she didn’t sound particularly remorseful in Alex’s opinion.  
  
As they screeched around another corner, Alex offered a silent prayer to whatever gods that were listening that their destination was close. Or that Catherine would regain her senses and stop trying to kill them both. Anything, as long as the car stopped moving at this breakneck velocity. Some unseen deity must have deigned to answer her plea because they ground to an abrupt halt. The air left her chest in a violent grunt as she was thrown forward into her seat belt. Salvation came in the form of a van which, by virtue of their arrival, had been promoted to the penultimate spot of a stationary queue.  
  
Alex took a deep breath as the air that had violently left her body filled her lungs again. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was ten o’clock at night and she was actually happy, nay ecstatic, with relief that they were stuck in the middle of gridlock. The immediate shock of the moment over, she suddenly realized that they had stopped just in time. A split second later and the back of the van and the front of their car would have been mangled into an indistinguishable mass of metal.   
  
The surge of adrenalin that accompanied that alarming thought brought her senses back to life. Aside from a dull throbbing pain that radiated from where the restraint had imprinted her torso, Alex was none the worse for wear. Since Catherine had the advantage of anticipating the sudden stop, the only damage she had suffered seemed to be a further deterioration of her disposition. In fact she was already busy venting her frustration by pounding the steering wheel. Alex took a few moments to choose her next words carefully since she didn’t intend for her neck to share a similar fate with the unfortunate object in Catherine’s vice-like grip.  
  
“We’re still going to need that to get going again so you may not want to detach it from the steering column just yet…”   
  
Catherine glared at Alex but quickly realised that the younger woman was being facetious and getting riled up wasn’t going to do any good. That didn’t stop her from giving it a final thump before tossing her head back onto the seat.  
  
“Feeling better?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“At least that’s one steering wheel that’ll never threaten us again,” Alex commented dryly.  
  
“If only some people were so easily taken care of…” Catherine muttered in return.  
  
Perhaps her initial trepidation hadn’t been unwarranted after all.  
  
“Should I be afraid now?”   
  
“You’re safe. For now, anyway,” Catherine shot back, her voice lacking enough conviction to be taken seriously.  
  
_Well,_ Alex mused, _her bark is certainly worse than her bite._ It reminded her of a certain someone she knew. The two of them were more alike than either of them cared to admit. No wonder Sara had fallen so hard.   
  
“I’ll take my chances,” Alex paused before adding, almost as an afterthought, “and since we won’t be going anywhere for a while, why don’t you tell me more about yourself?” She earned a baffled stare which Alex chose to ignore. “Let's start with what's been bugging you since that phone call.”   
  
Alex wasn't in the habit of pulling any punches but Catherine wasn't folding. “Nothing.”   
  
“I meant other than that,” Alex brushed aside the stock reply dismissively.    
  
“There isn't anything else,” Catherine snapped back.  
  
Alex eyed her silently, determined not to let go of the conversation or let it be reduced into childish wordplay. Catherine tried to ignore her by concentrating on the back of the van but Alex’s persistence bore fruit and the other woman finally grumbled out loud.      
  
“You know what this is about…”  
  
Alex refused to budge. “No, I don’t. Why don’t you explain it to me?”  
  
Catherine rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner. “Let’s see, it’s ten o’clock at night and we’re stuck in the middle of gridlock on some god-forsaken Vegas side road because your best friend has chosen the worst time to rediscover her inner brat. If that’s not a good reason to be pissed off, there’s plenty more where that came from,” Catherine finished in a huff.  
  
Talk about looking at different sides of the same coin. Then again, Catherine wasn’t the one having her nerves shredded by a consummate display of reckless driving. At least they could agree on the source of their predicament.  
  
“Brat, huh? Can’t say I agree with you. I always thought of her as more of a bitch.”  
  
Catherine stared back with a vaguely stupefied look on her face. She had expected protest over her choice of words but did not foresee Alex replacing it with an even more derogatory term. Well, who was she to disagree with such an insightful observation?  
  
“Since you brought up the subject,” Catherine said in a tone that indicated she was just following Alex’s lead, “she can be a pain in the ass when she puts her mind to it.”   
  
“And very often, she succeeds without even trying at all.” Alex accepted the responsibility casually.  
  
Catherine’s expression softened as she allowed herself to smile, her frustration diminishing slightly. “I always thought her charming personality came from hanging around the lab too much.” _Or being around the people who worked there,_ Catherine thought uneasily. She couldn’t be sure about the guys, but her working relationship with Sara had plenty of room for improvement.   
  
“Nah. She’s been like that as long as I’ve known her. I used wonder how a person could be absolutely brilliant intellectually, yet so emotionally inept at the same time.”  
  
From the dubious tilt of her head, Alex could tell that Catherine was mentally weighing the sincerity of her last remark.  
  
“She may be my best friend, Catherine, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get the occasional urge to smack her on the head.”  
  
When Catherine finally spoke, it was in a grave tone that belied the droll nature of her words. “Is that your idea of therapy?”  
  
Alex’s mouth twitched amusedly. “Therapy doesn’t work on her. She’s an enigma wrapped in a puzzle hidden in a maze. Sara Sidle is a psychiatrist’s nightmare.”   
  
“Or a proctologist’s wet dream.”   
  
The words slipped past Catherine’s mouth before she belatedly froze in horror at the realization that she’d actually said them aloud. Alex seemed equally scandalized since her eyebrows were doing their best to leap off her forehead.   
  
“Sounds like you know her pretty well. Perhaps I should be persuading you instead of her.”  
  
Catherine decided that attempting to justify her choice of words would just be akin to jumping out of the pot into the fire. “I hate to disappoint you but I’m as far from an expert in Sara Sidle as you can get.”  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure the time you’ve spent together has given you more insight than you realize. Like what happened this morning?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More (hopefully not too boring) banter :)


	14. Chapter 14

Catherine shot her a warning glare.    
  
“Oh no, you don’t…”    
  
“Don’t what?”    
  
“Don’t even think of shrinking me. It’s not going to work.”   
  
Alex threw up her hands in frustration. “Why do people think psychiatrists are constantly trying to burrow into their heads whether they like it or not? What ever happened to being respected as professionals?”    
  
Deciding that Alex was just being melodramatic, Catherine replied facetiously.  “I happen to hold your colleagues in the highest esteem. Right up there with ambulance-chasing lawyers and used-car salesmen.”    
  
“Oh, stop, you’re killing my ego with all this sweet talk.” Alex held a hand to her chest.    
  
“You started it,” Catherine grumped.   
  
Alex gave her a look of mock offence. “We, psychiatrists,  _ are _ trained to help people in emotional pain.”   
  
“Well, I don’t need someone else to tell me how I should be feeling or what the feelings are supposed to mean. I’m old enough to figure things out for myself. So thanks but no thanks.”       
  
“That may be true,” Alex conceded before continuing gently, “but you’re never too old to get hurt or need someone to talk to when that happens. I don’t know about you but I don’t consider having this conversation as ‘therapy’. I call it being a friend.”   
  
Her words hung in space a few moments while Catherine chewed her lip thoughtfully. On one hand, she wanted to just pretend this whole day never happened. Reality, of course, negated such wishful thinking and, like it or not, she’d have to deal with Sara’s little tantrum soon. She hadn’t the first clue where to start and Alex might have some ideas up her sleeve. After all, it wasn’t as if she could talk to anyone else about this without complicating the matter.   
  
“I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Dr. Thompson.”   
  
Alex replied with a reckless grin. “I interview serial killers for a living, remember?”   
  
“Remind me of how much fun this is the next time I decide to take a shortcut,” Catherine muttered uneasily.    
  
Alex’s mouth curled in silent amusement and waited for her to continue. Her companion was struggling with the right words.    
  
“After you left, she tried to say, no… hinted that…well, actually it was more like hypothesized…”   
  
“Sara revealed that she has romantic feelings for you.” Alex mercifully put her out of her misery.   
  
Catherine nodded, gratefully for the reprieve. The difficult part of the story now out of the way, she proceeded to fill Alex in with the dialogue surrounding that revelation.  “I guess I overestimated her ability to handle my candour,” Catherine finished with a nonchalant shrug.   
  
“You shot her down,” Alex concluded flatly.     
  
Catherine eyed her with pained patience. “I was being direct and honest. It would be far more inconsiderate and a waste of time to encourage an impossible delusion. Besides, how could I have known she’d go off on a tangent like this?”     
  
Alex had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from spitting out the first words that came to mind. She was, after all supposed to be getting Catherine’s side of the story, which meant maintaining objectivity. “I admit,” Alex finally said, “it’s not like Sara to act recklessly but it must have taken a lot out of her to open up like that.”   
  
Catherine frowned. “Alex, what she proposed was the equivalent of an adolescent fantasy. She must be insane to even think that a relationship between the both of us was possible.”   
  
Again, Alex had to rein in her instinctive reaction to the callousness in Catherine’s words.   
  
“You’d have to ask her yourself but the Sara I know doesn’t take matters of the heart lightly.” She was about to add that it took a great deal of persuasion and encouragement before Sara even worked up the courage to say anything but decided that wasn’t something Catherine really need to find out right now. And definitely not from her.   
  
“I can’t wait to have that talk.” Catherine’s cynical tone hardened. “I don’t want to hurt her feelings, Alex, but if that’s what it takes to get through to her…”   
  
Alex couldn’t keep the barb out of her voice this time. “Let’s just assume you’ve already made your point. We wouldn’t be having this conversation otherwise, would we? She must have felt all of two inches tall after you were through with her.”    
  
In spite of her bravado, a fresh splinter of worry wedged itself in Catherine’s mind. This was no longer just a matter of assuaging guilt. Catherine had wanted the problem to go away so she had chosen dismiss it forcefully. Was she so gullible as to have believed that Sara could be waved aside so easily? What was clear now was that the repercussions she’d failed to consider this morning were not going to disappear by the end of tonight.     
  
“Okay, I admit I pushed a little harder than I needed to, but I had to make her understand that there was no ambiguity, no further discussion about the matter.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
The single syllable caught Catherine off-guard and she frowned, slightly confused.    
  
“Why did the discussion have to end there?” Alex probed.   
  
Catherine stared as if she’d asked something stupid. “Because it would have been ridiculous and pointless to let it go on.”   
  
“Or maybe you were avoiding the issue…”    
  
“This is not about me. This is about Sara having a problem accepting the truth.”   
  
“You mean your version of the truth,” Alex countered.   
  
“‘My’ version? There is only one version. The fact is, regardless of how deluded your best friend is, a relationship between the two of us is totally out of the question.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
Catherine sighed, exasperated. “Will you please stop asking me that…”    
  
“I will as soon as you give me an answer. You keep telling me that it’s impossible to have a relationship with Sara but you still haven’t told me why.”    
  
“I don’t have to explain anything to you,” Catherine said frostily.

“You're right, you don’t but humour me anyway,” Alex shrugged with a smile, “ and just think of it as a trial run for the talk you’re going to have with Sara if that’s easier.”   
  
The queue chose that particular moment to move and it was with no small measure of relief that Catherine turned her attention back to the mechanics of driving. Unfortunately for her, Alex was determined not to let her off the hook. Since they were just inching along at a sedate speed, she felt safe enough to continue.   
  
“Is it disinterest or unavailability?”   
  
Alex got a blistering glare for her effort.   
  
“Are you involved with someone else?” Alex tried again. It’d take far more than a frown or two to deter her.   
  
Catherine almost snapped off a ‘yes’, just to see if that would get Alex off her back. She stopped herself just in time. She had enough on her plate without adding an imaginary lover to the equation.   
  
“No.”   
  
Alex paused briefly before going for the kill.   
  
“Then it’s because she’s a woman?”   
  
“No,” Catherine answered immediately, almost surprised by the ease of her response, “I’m not a prude, Alex…”    
  
“Didn’t say you were. But there is a difference between being an advocate and joining the club.”   
  
“If they sent you to sell memberships, I already have a toaster oven, so, no thanks,” Catherine snapped.    
  
“What if they sent Sara instead?”    
  
“As tempting that it sounds, I’m really a one toaster oven woman,” Catherine answered in a voice thick with sarcasm.   
  
“Okay. Do you just plain dislike Sara, then?”   
  
Catherine had had enough of Alex’s version of twenty questions. “Look Alex, I know you think you’re trying to help but the best thing you can do for Sara is to make her see what a bad idea this is. The last thing either one of us needs is to be involved in a complicated relationship.”   
  
Alex snorted mirthlessly. “Since when was there such a thing as an uncomplicated relationship?”   
  
Catherine chose to ignore the rhetoric. “Maybe not but I don’t intend to be a CSI Level Three for the rest of my career. The way up the ladder is hard enough without adding even more colour to my resume. And believe me, I already have plenty on my plate.”       
  
Their pace picked up a little as the traffic finally dispersed past the repair crew who were working steadily to cover up a gaping hole in the road. As Catherine eased them smoothly round the next corner, Alex let her mind run over the last few minutes of their conversation. The logic of Catherine’s reasoning, her anger, even her insensitivity towards the situation was a classic smokescreen for something deeper. There was a supreme familiarity about her argument.   
  
Once they were coasting along smoothly again, Catherine flicked a glance over at her passenger. The younger woman was silent, in deep thought, and she couldn’t resist a parting gloat of success in stymieing the inquisition.   
  
“Admit it, I make sense. Even Sara would agree with me on this.”    
  
The revelation came with such startling clarity that Alex almost burst out laughing at how obvious it all was. “I’m sure she would. In fact, she had just about the same look as the one on your face right now.” She smiled forebodingly. “So what exactly is it that  _ you _ are afraid of?”   
  
Her question was met with silence but it didn’t matter. Alex had the answer she needed, only she never knew it was possible for a person’s face to turn a shade so pale.


	15. Chapter 15

Twin pinpricks of light grew relentlessly in size despite her best efforts to will them away. As she drifted back to consciousness, the unfamiliar contours pressing against her back told her that she wasn’t in her own bed.   
  
_ So, where am I? _ _   
_   
The points of light grew into slits as her eyelids cracked open. Her eyes instinctively squinted against the bright light but she forced herself to keep them open. It took a couple of blinks before the world around her came into focus. A desk. A couple of filing cabinets. Some kind of a couch she was on. And a sign on the wall with two words scrawled on it.   
  
_ Of course.  _ _   
_   
She was still at Rudy’s.   
  
_ Rudy’s. _   
  
She frowned as she contemplated the two syllables.   
  
Right. Why was she at Rudy’s?   
  
_ I wanted a drink. I’m here because I wanted a drink. _   
  
Sara vaguely remembered having a few drinks at the bar. She scrunched up her face trying to remember how she got from the bar to - her eyes swept the room once more - what must be Rudy’s office. It didn’t make any sense why she would be there. She hadn't had that much to drink and felt perfectly fine. Slightly bleary eyed, but otherwise great.    
  
She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to regain some focus.   
  
She felt great. Ready to take on the world. Which was a good thing because the voice in her head telling her that she was supposed to be somewhere else right then was failing to provide a destination. Maybe the answer would appear if she concentrated a little harder, but her confidence waned as the answer stayed tantalisingly out of reach and she eventually gave up trying. It was futile and the effort she was expending just made her head hurt.   
  
_ I need a drink right now. _ _   
_   
With renewed purpose, she looked around the room again. It yielded the same inventory. No drinks here, Sara pondered with a frown before inspiration struck.   
  
_ Rudy knows where the drinks are. I’ll go ask Rudy. _ _   
_   
All she had to do was find him. He should be through the door, out front at the bar. Except, she puzzled, her feet couldn’t feel the floor. Her sock-clad feet wriggled helpless in mid-air. Sara felt her back sink deeper into soft cushions as she raised her legs to get a better look.    
  
_ Of course. _   
  
She was lying down on the sofa. With her socks on.     
  
Wait a minute. Socks?   
  
If those were her socks, that meant she was missing her shoes.   
  
_ What else am I missing? _   
  
To her relief, a hasty run down with her hands confirmed that the rest of her clothing was otherwise accounted for. She could concentrate on her missing footwear.    
  
Her shoes. They must be somewhere nearby. She never left home without them. Never.    
  
_ So where are they, genius? _ _   
_   
The soft leather of the sofa creaked as she shifted and craned her neck over her right shoulder.     
  
_ Hah, there they are! _   
  
On the floor, slightly beyond her reach but most definitely found. That wasn’t so hard.   
  
_ Time to get going. Footsies on floorsies. _ _   
_   
Sara gripped the top of a cushion and started pulling herself upright. The moment her feet hit the floor, everything started to go horribly wrong. The room began to sway and that mild euphoria she had enjoyed was a fragment of a distant memory being shattered by the wrecking ball pounding against her skull with vengeance. Meanwhile, her stomach was doing it’s best to turn inside out.    
  
Sara squeezed her eyes shut as she fell back into a horizontal position on the sofa. She had to swallow convulsively to stop that roiling mixture of bile and alcohol from creeping past her throat. As she landed, a sharp jab to her kidney made her yelp in reflex. Forcing herself to ignore everything especially the nausea, she breathed in deeply. It took several gulps of air to sufficiently ease the queasiness and regain her bearings. Something hard was still pressing into her lower back. Sara shifted a little as she groped for the offending object.  She found her cell phone.   
  
She cracked her eyes open wide enough to notice that something was blinking on the screen. Her eyes were still bleary so she brought it nearer to her face.    
  
_ A couple of missed calls and voicemails from…  _ _   
_   
She peered a little harder.   
  
_ …Catherine? _   
  
Something was awakening from the murky depths of her memory. She remembered seeing Catherine this morning.    
  
_ Breakfast. We had breakfast and… _   
  
Sara groaned as the disaster that was breakfast came painfully back to mind. It now made sense that she would be at Rudy’s needing a drink. So why was Catherine calling her?   
  
_ She probably wants you to go in early. Put in a few extra hours. _ _   
_   
The more she remembered about their conversation, the more pissed off she felt.   
  
_ That woman has some nerve to call me in early after the way she behaved. Screw her, I’m not going back to work at… _   
  
Her eyes searched out the clock on the wall. Sara looked at it and frowned. The hands were at the wrong places. Big hand at twelve and little hand at ten meant it was…    
  
_ Ten o’clock, genius. _   
  
But it couldn’t just be ten in the morning. The intensity of the ache in her skull had to be the product of at least several hours of drinking.    
  
_ So, if it’s not ten in the morning, it must be… _ _   
_   
It took all of two seconds for her to go from squinting in confusion at the clock to goggling wide-eyed at the phone.   
  
_ Oh shit. _ _   
_   
Sara sprang upright instantly, ignoring the encore performance from various hung-over body parts. It still felt like she just went twenty rounds in a boxing ring but sheer panic kept her vertical. She looked at the clock again, wildly hoping that her eyes were deceiving her the first time. No. No mistake there: she was screwed.   
  
_ Catherine is going to have your ass. And not in a good way either. _ _   
_   
She needed to….what was it she needed to do? Sara growled in frustration as her mind remained impassively fuzzy.   
  
_ Come on Sidle, concentrate. _ _   
_   
She had her jacket and her cell phone.    
  
_ What else? What else? _ _   
_   
Shoes. It’d be a good idea to put on her shoes.   
  
Sara stood up and traversed the two steps needed to grab the shoes. It took more swallowing and all the will power she could muster not to lose her liquid lunch. With a groan of relief, she finally retreated back onto the sofa with her booty. She fumbled with a shoe as thoughts of how she was going to explain the situation to Catherine ran furiously through her head.   
  
_ I’ll say I was working the case and lost track of time. _   
  
Her sarcastic inner voice looked her up and down disdainfully.    
  
_ Yeah, right. That’ll do it if your goal is to convince her that you were working through a case of whisky. _   
  
She didn’t have a mirror but if she looked half as bad as she felt, there was no way anyone would believe she’d been busy working all this time. Sara needed a believable excuse that would also explain why she looked like something a cat just dragged in from the alley.    
  
_ How about just telling her the truth? _ _   
_   
The truth.   
  
_ Let’s see…hi, Catherine, the reason I’m not at work is because I was too busy getting drunk on your account. _   
  
Oh yes, that’d go down really well. As if embarrassing herself in front of Catherine once in a day wasn’t enough.   
  
Sara hadn’t realised till now that playing hooky from work was such a complicated process. It was so much easier coming up with excuses to max out on overtime. Or, she thought ruefully, was it just because she had much more experience at being a workaholic?   
  
She was halfway through jamming her left foot into a shoe when she had a brainwave.   
  
_ I’ll call in sick. _ _   
_   
It was a valid reason and there was even some measure of truth in it, as her stomach chose that very moment to remind her. Sara had to close her eyes for a few moments before the urge to be sick faded away. With that semblance of a plan in mind, she found herself working on the errant shoe with renewed vigour.   
  
_ I’ll drive home and call her from there. _ _   
_   
For the second time in fifteen minutes, Sara felt her blood run cold.   
  
_ I drove here. So where the hell are my keys? _ _   
_   
Sara rustled through her jacket frantically. No keys. The shoe was now hanging forlornly on half a foot as she stood up to empty the pockets of her jeans. Still no keys.   
  
_ Think, Sara. Where did you put them? _ __   
  
Maybe they slipped out of her pocket onto the sofa. Hopping slightly on one foot, she bent over and ran her hand between the seats, hoping, praying that the keys would magically appear. Sara was so caught up in her search, she didn’t hear the door open. When she finally realised that she was no longer alone, she froze. Her insides lurched as sheer panic replaced surprise as her company materialized in the form of a deadly familiar voice.   
  
“Looking for this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proverbial calm before the storm. Had fun writing the monologue so hoping it's decent :)


	16. Chapter 16

“You’ve got to be kidding.”   
  
“Here, check the address if you don’t believe me...” Catherine waved the slip of paper between her fingers.   
  
Alex held up a hand. “I believe you. It’s just,” she paused, scanning the scene in front of her, “not quite what I expected.”  
  
Standing in a cold parking lot with Alex in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly how Catherine had imagined her evening would pan out either. “You had expectations?” she asked incredulously.  
  
“I had an idea or two. Nothing as colourful as this though…”  
  
Twin sets of blue eyes looked up simultaneously with differing reactions. While Alex couldn’t keep the grin off her face, Catherine's lips had thinned into a line looking decidedly unimpressed.   
  
“At least he was being honest when he said we couldn’t miss the place. You’d have to need a new pair of eyes if you missed _this_.”  
  
Alex cocked her head in amused appreciation. “I don’t know. It has a certain panache to it, don’t you think?”  
  
Catherine looked at her in disbelief. “You actually think a neon man on a signboard with a butt that blinks in time with the music is tasteful?”    
  
“Maybe that’s Rudy...”  
  
Catherine's answer was an inelegant snort. Alex replied with a chuckle and sighed.   
  
“Come on… it goes with the theme of the establishment. What says ‘Rudy’s Rainbow’ better than having the lights flash in seven different colours?”  
  
 _What, indeed?_ _  
_  
“By the looks of it, the message must be coming through loud and clear,” Catherine remarked as they approached the crowd milling around the entrance.  
  
Alex had to agree. She had never seen that much Lycra and leather in one place before. It must be that typical Vegas flamboyance. A particularly obvious example chose to walk past them the very next moment and Alex couldn’t help but stare a little.  
  
“I think I have a pair of leather pants just like his but I didn’t realise it was supposed to fill out like _that_.”  
  
Under any other circumstances, Catherine might have found some humour in that observation.   
  
“Don’t you live in Manhattan? I thought all of this would be old hat…”  
  
Alex pulled her jacket a little tighter around herself to shut out the cold breeze. “The boys in the bars Sara and I used to go to were a little more _subtle_ than this.”  
  
Catherine's eyebrows quirked at this new found knowledge. “You used to hang out at men’s bars?”   
  
Alex grinned at the look on Catherine’s face. “Yes we did and it was mostly people watching,” she couldn’t resist teasing, “although judging from what's on offer here in Vegas, she isn't short of opportunities to expand her horizons. Maybe she could turn trisexual...”   
  
Catherine shook her head, her imagination failing to grasp an appropriate image. “I don’t even know what that is…”   
  
“It’s when you’ll try anything once. Okay, I made that up,” Alex admitted, “but yes, we used to go once in a while.”  
  
Catherine gave her another hard look as she pushed open the door. The level of noise spiked significantly and Alex had to raise her voice to be heard.  
  
“I don’t know about Vegas, but back in New York, they’re the best places to go to when you want a little peace and quiet, a drink at a bar and not to get hit on by men or women.”  
  
Catherine had to admit she vaguely saw the logic behind that argument. However, as a loud blast of music rudely reminded her, Rudy’s Rainbow was far from a sanctuary of peace and quiet.  
  
 _So what’s Sara doing here?_ _  
_  
She immediately chided her inner voice and brusquely swept aside the hint of worry that accompanied that random thought.  
  
 _Not working, that’s what. And getting herself into a whole lot more trouble than she bargained for._  
  
“I don’t see her, do you?” Alex’s voice broke into her internal monologue.  
  
Catherine gave the scene a quick once over. “She’s not out here. By the looks of it we’re the only two women in this place.”  
  
It wasn’t an exaggeration. As they stood there surveying the room, it was patently obvious that they were a novelty amidst the sea of male bodies. Alex was strangely grateful for it since that would make it easier to pick out the feminine figure the were looking for.  
  
“She’s a woman…” Alex’s eyes stopped at the edge of the dance floor.  
  
The corners of her companion’s blue eyes crinkled in amusement as they followed her gaze. Catherine leaned closer to Alex before answering in a conspiratorial voice.  
  
“No, he’s not.”  
  
“What do you mean ‘he’?”  
  
“As in the male pronoun.”  
  
“That is a woma…” Alex started to protest when the subject of their conversation suddenly laughed out loud. The guttural baritone clashed incongruously with the otherwise feminine physical appearance.  
  
Catherine tried not to look too smug as her companion gaped disbelievingly.  
  
“I’ve seen my share of cross dressers but, wow…”  
  
The words slipped out before Alex realised she’d just handed even more ammunition to Catherine.    
  
“He isn’t even close to being great. This Manhattan you're from _is_ in New York City, right?”  
  
Getting to see the way her ribbing flustered the younger woman was worth being at the receiving end of an icy glare. It even merited that one last jibe.  
  
“Come on, we’ve got an errant CSI to rescue. You can sightsee all you want after that.”   
  
Alex decided that Catherine had had enough fun at her expense and changed the subject. “Let’s find this Rudy and get out of here.”   
  
Catherine nodded graciously and indicated that they should head for the bar.  
  
Fortunately for them, most of the patrons were more interested in the dance floor or less conspicuous seating options and Alex quickly found an open spot by the counter as Catherine followed close behind. The stocky man across the bar smiled charmingly at them. He looked strangely out of place in a plaid shirt and khakis but from the way he worked the bar, it was clear he belonged there.   
  
“Lost your way, ladies?”  
  
“We’re looking for Rudy…”  
  
The smile broadened into a grin. “In that case, can I buy both of you a drink? It’s not often I have such lovely ladies asking for me.”  
  
“You’re Rudy?”   
  
The scepticism was so patent that he started laughing. “I see you’ve met my neon alter-ego.”  
  
“We were just admiring it, weren’t we?”  
  
The look Catherine gave Alex inspired another burst of laughter.  
  
“Call it artistic license. So, what can I get you lovely ladies? On the house...”  
  
Alex grinned, she warmed to the gregarious nature and his smiling eyes.   
  
“Thanks for the offer but we’re looking for Sara…”  
  
Rudy looked between the two blondes and sighed good-naturedly.  
  
“Sara? Don’t tell me she beat me to the pretty girls _again_ …”   
  
“I don’t think you want to trade places with her just yet. I’m Catherine and this is Alex.”  
  
A look of comprehension dawned on Rudy’s face.   
  
“Ah, of course. I left your ‘package’ in the office at the back. She was still asleep the last time I checked but that was an hour ago.”  
  
The look on Catherine’s face made Rudy grimace.   
  
“She’s in a shit-load of trouble this time isn’t she? Well, that girl she’s mooning over better be worth it.”  
  
Alex caught the stiffening of Catherine’s posture but to the older woman’s credit, it was only because she knew to look for it.   
  
“Sara told you she was mooning?”   
  
“She didn’t have to. The way she worked through a whole bottle of _this_ ,” Rudy, hefted an empty whisky bottle from under the counter, “said everything.”  
  
Catherine shook her head in disgust before she started wending her way to the back of the bar, not bothering to wait for Alex who was still busy staring at the label on the bottle. She wasn’t a connoisseur but even she knew how much it cost.    
  
“Please tell me she has a tab you can put that on.”  
  
“I’ll make her pay, just so she’ll think twice before doing this again,” Rudy said in a kindly tone.     
  
“Next time, try doing what they used to back home when she became a pain – just throw her out.”   
  
Brown eyes crinkled in a smile. “I’ll remind her next time before she starts.”  
  
Alex suddenly realised that she’d lost track of Catherine. Considering the way their evening had gone so far, someone was likely to get hurt if those two were alone when they confronted each other.   
  
“I’ll catch you later, Rudy. Someone has to prevent hell from breaking loose.”  
  
He nodded sympathetically. “Good luck… and, oh, here…” Rudy dug a hand into his pocket and offered the key he retrieved from it to Alex, “I kept this so that she wouldn’t accidentally drive herself into a tree.”  
  
Alex wondered if Sara even realized how lucky she was to be around people who were genuinely looking out for her. “If you don’t see at least one of us in the next fifteen minutes, you might want to call 911.”  
  
Alex moved as fast as she could in the direction of the office and to her great relief, Catherine was still standing outside an unopened door.  
  
“Having fun with the small talk?” Catherine asked sarcastically.   
  
“Just catching up with the latest gossip.”  
  
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Maybe I should just leave you and your delinquent friend here to make small talk with Rudy while the rest of us, who still have a job we want to keep, get back to work.”   
  
“Don’t knock the small talk. It got me _this_ ,” Alex brandished the key at Catherine.  
  
“Great,” Catherine muttered as she plucked the key from Alex’s fingers. “She manages to lose both her head and the key to the company ride as the same time. If Ecklie finds out about this, he’s going to personally throw her out of the lab.”  
  
Alex glanced between Catherine and nodded towards the still unopened door.   
  
“I expected to be sorting out body parts by now.”  
  
“I was waiting for you. Just in case I need a witness to corroborate justifiable homicide.”   
  
Catherine sounded so deadly serious that Alex wondered if the fifteen minutes she’d given Rudy was an over-estimate after all.   
  
“Why did I even think this was a good idea?”   
  
In one ominous move, Alex turned the doorknob and pushed the door inwards. She would have found it amusing if Sara wasn’t in so much trouble. Expecting to see her best friend passed out from her excessive behaviour, Alex instead found herself pondering the back of a dishevelled Sara Sidle, hopping comically on one foot while a shoe dangled precariously on the other.   
  
_At least she’s standing up._ __  
  
Standing up and apparently rummaging for something in the sofa. She sneaked a quick look at the key in Catherine’s grasp. No prizes for guessing what that something was. She opened her mouth to speak but Catherine was quicker.   
  
“Looking for this?”  
  
Alex didn’t know how it was possible but she swore those three words dropped the temperature in the room by a few degrees. Sara must have agreed with her because she froze instantly at the sound of Catherine’s voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly there...*g*


	17. Chapter 17

She really should do something to help. Anything. Well, anything other than grimacing helplessly as Catherine bored holes into the back of Sara’s head, waiting for a response. A few seconds passed and her best friend was still bent awkwardly over the couch, as if she could will them away by keeping absolutely silent and still. From the intensity of her impatient glare, Catherine had come to the same conclusion herself.  
  
“You can either turn around now or you can collect your key from Ecklie in the morning.”  
  
That did the trick. As if someone had clicked an invisible play button, Sara jerked upright immediately. That was when things got interesting. Come to think of it, Alex mused, it would’ve been belly-achingly funny if not for the fact that they’d probably have killed her if she’d actually laughed out loud.   
  
In an attempt to turn towards Catherine, Sara twisted her body around a little too quickly and lost her footing. Maybe it was the precarious physics involved in balancing on one foot. Maybe alcohol had dulled her reflexes. Or maybe it was just sheer panic from being caught red-handed. Whichever it was, the ensuing result was one none of them would forget in a hurry.   
  
Sara reacted the way anyone else in her situation would have. She groped desperately for something to steady herself on. Unfortunately for her, the nearest object was none other than the slender form of a certain blonde CSI. Since she wasn’t prepared for the seventy odd inches of lanky brunette that was hurtling towards her, the momentum of Sara’s sudden movement carried both of them backwards and downwards. As they fell, Catherine felt herself pulled into a spontaneous embrace when a pair of surprisingly strong arms snaked round her back in an attempt to brace them from the inevitable impact. It didn’t do much good and they still landed hard. A jolt of pain shot up and down her back and left her in a daze as Sara’s larger torso pinned onto hers at full force.   
  
The next time the world came back into focus, Catherine was playing cushion between a soft body and the hard floor. The breath that had left her lungs in a whoosh was now trickling back painfully. Just her luck. Sure, she’d expected tone and definition but who’d have thought that just underneath that, Sara was all sculpted, tensed muscle? Even through layers of clothing, Catherine could feel them rippling as Sara moved in reflex to lessen the pressure her body was bearing down on Catherine’s. That lanky body belied a power and strength that was evident now that they were in such close proximity. Momentarily disorientated from the shock, she remained motionless as she took stock of the situation. Her back was probably going to bruise from the impact but other than that everything was still in its place and working well.  
  
Maybe even a little _too_ well.  
  
Now that some of the weight had been removed from her chest, Catherine discovered that it was not altogether an unpleasant feeling to have such a supple form sprawled on top of her. As the brunette shifted against her again, this time more gently, she took the opportunity to explore this new-found awareness. It was an intriguing interplay of softness and firmness that mirrored her own soft and firm parts. Catherine was far from being an innocent but she’d never been entangled this intimately with a female form before. And if it weren’t for this little mishap, she wouldn’t have given the missed experience a second thought. Pity. She closed her eyes and focused.  
  
It was interesting. Gentler. Smoother. More yielding. And different. Yes, different but definitely not unpleasant at all.  
  
_Maybe it’s pleasantly different because it’s Sara._ _  
_  
She couldn’t be sure whether it was the brush of a hand, the muffled groan or the waft of whisky breath that finally snapped her back to reality.   
  
Her eyelids flew open.   
  
_Whoa, where did that come from?_ _  
_  
The sheer intensity of what had just flitted through her mind hit her like a splash of cold water but she was not going to panic. There was a simple explanation for everything. She was dazed, disorientated and what she’d made was really no more than a purely academic observation of her situation.  
  
Like the reason Sara’s hand was warm against her arm was because she was heated up.   
  
_By the whisky. Heated up by the whisky. Purely science._ _  
_   
There, it was completely intellectual. Absolutely nothing prurient on her mind at all.   
  
_Just keep still and wait for Sara to move away._ _  
_  
She’d just ignore the lingering contact between hot and cool flesh.  
  
_Piece of cake._ _  
_  
Except a knee chose that particular moment to slide against the inside of her thigh and all of a sudden, parts of her started to feel disturbingly warm. Catherine couldn’t wait for Sara to extricate herself from that provocative position.   
  
Hovering inches above, Sara was also enjoying the warmth of having the smaller body beneath her. She knew she’d to get up but her muscles were protesting even the tiniest movements. As she disentangled herself, Sara relished their forced proximity – an accidental brush of bare skin here and the inadvertent caress of denim on denim there. Maybe it was her imagination but she could’ve sworn that Catherine too was relaxing herself into the intimate contact they shared.  
  
_Don’t go there, Sara. You know what’ll happen…_ _  
_  
It wasn’t like she did anything, really. Catherine’s arm was just lying there and her hand needed that particular spot on the floor right next to it to steady itself on. It really did. And it couldn’t possibly avoid brushing against the smooth skin. She was helpless to stop the groan that escaped her lips. Smooth skin, cool to her touch. Or was she just hot?   
  
_And how._ _  
_  
Sara ignored the lecherous voice in her head and continued working her way to a sitting position. It wasn’t easy, considering how stiff her body felt but she was careful not to further hurt Catherine along the way.   
  
She shouldn’t have worried. That moment of bliss was too good to last.  
  
From floating on pliant heat one second, Sara suddenly found herself violently displaced yet again the very next, this time in the opposite direction. She didn’t have time to brace herself for the inevitable impact and landed butt first with a grunt.    
  
“What the…”    
  
The expletive dissolved into a moan as more of her battered body parts chose to announce their presence simultaneously.   
  
With the distracting weight off her chest, Catherine levered herself up on her forearms and breathed in a few deep gulps of air to steady her nerves. It took all the effort she could muster to maintain the facade that she was just flustered from having the wind knocked out of her and nothing more.   
  
By now, Alex had resorted to biting her lower lip to stop herself from bursting out in laughter. She looked between the gasping blonde and the groaning brunette on the floor; uncertain whom she should be helping first. She finally decided and offered a hand, which Catherine accepted as she scrambled to her feet.   
  
Alex was struck by how cold Catherine’s hand was considering that her face was flushed.  
  
“You okay?”   
  
Catherine nodded distractedly as she straightened herself up. She’d be all right as soon as her mind got over that momentary lapse in judgement.   
  
“What about me?” Sara whined.  
  
She instantly regretted even thinking of fishing for sympathy when she found herself the focus of four identical baby blues. They were anything but sympathetic but it was difficult not to stare back. There was something to be said for blue eyes. Brown eyes were boring. The most they could do was look dark and mysterious. Or dark and broody. Or just plain dark.   
  
Blue eyes.   
  
Now, they could do all sorts of wondrous things. Drift from the palest cerulean with glee in one second to ominous cobalt the very next. They could give the impression of warm liquid mirth, like Alex’s were, or cut through your very soul as if nothing were there. Sara noted with dismay that Catherine seemed to have the latter technique down to perfection.   
  
Brown was a good colour for the whole puppy-eyed look but Sara figured it was too late for that. Besides, she’d done her self-respect enough damage for one evening. The practical, albeit painful, thing to do was to stand up to Catherine. Literally.   
  
She’d just have to beg, bribe and cajole several dozen body parts to co-operate first.     
  
Careful to avoid an even more embarrassing repeat performance, she staggered gingerly to her feet. Despite her apparent nonchalance, Alex was on guard to hold on to Sara in case her balance failed again. Catherine looked as if she was ready to leap away the moment the brunette gave any indication of swaying in her direction. There was a collective sigh of silent relief when she finally planted both feet firmly on the floor.  
  
“Welcome back,” Alex said with a huge grin on her face.  
  
Sara managed to muster up a muted version of her death glare as a response before facing Catherine. With the vertical distance between them restored to status quo, she felt a little more in control though no less apprehensive.   
  
_Now for the hard part._  
  
“What…”   
  
That came out as a squeak. She cleared her throat and tried again.    
  
“What are you doing here?”  
  
“I think the question should be what _you_ are doing here.”  
  
“I can explain everything.”  
  
She got a look of pure disdain for her answer.  
  
“I doubt it.”  
  
“Catherine, just let me…”  
  
In that single moment, everything that had gone wrong in the evening coalesced into a burst of pure hostility Catherine was determined to unleash onto Sara.   
  
“Save your lame excuses for Grissom. You’ve wasted enough of my time for one night.”   
  
Sara was struck at how callous Catherine could be when she put her mind to it.   
  
_Well, if we’re going to do it this way…_  
  
“I wasn’t going to make any excuses but you didn’t have to come here if you didn’t want to. I don’t need your sympathy or your concern and I sure as hell don’t need the attitude.”  
  
Alex tilted her head in admiration. Sara had to be very brave, very stupid, or still very drunk to answer back like that. Catherine stared at the brunette for a moment before addressing Alex in a dangerously low voice.  
  
“Would you please excuse us, Alex?”  
  
Alex didn’t want to arbitrate between the two women but neither did she want either of them to get hurt. And by either of them, she meant Sara.  
  
“It’s late. Maybe I should just get Sara home and we can talk in the morning.”  
  
Catherine’s expression never even flickered.  
  
“Excuse us, Dr. Thompson.”  
  
Alex glanced at Sara and shrugged her shoulders apologetically. To her credit, Sara looked ready and determined to make her stand. As she slipped out the door, Alex couldn’t avoid the feeling that she’d just been handed a fortuitous escape from impending mayhem. Maybe she should save some time and tell Rudy to call 911 now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer that my usual chapters but I was having too much fun to stop *g*


	18. Chapter 18

Catherine waited for the door to click shut before letting the floodgates loose.    
  
“Listen, if you think I drove halfway across town in the middle of the night because I enjoy hauling your sorry ass off a bar-room floor, you must be delusional as well as drunk.”   
  
Sara took a step towards Catherine and let out a curse as she nearly tripped. In spite of everything, that accursed shoe had miraculously clung onto her foot. She gave it a good shake and finally the footwear came loose with a clatter and slid across the floor.    
  
“Oh, so you came because you enjoy rubbing my mistakes in my face? Next you’re going to tell me that I’m screwing up my life, right?”   
  
“I don’t  _ care _ about what you do with your life as long as you do it on your own time. When you do it on the clock, under my watch, it becomes my business whether I like it or not. And believe me, I don’t.”    
  
Thanks to the lack of footwear, they stood practically nose-to-nose. Sara was amazed at how an angry Catherine could be both terrifying and breathtaking at the same time. She’d never been so badly torn between wanting to throttle and to kiss someone before.     
  
“That makes the two of us. So why don’t you just leave me alone?”   
  
“Don’t tempt me. You want to drink until you pass out? Fine. I don’t care. Just do me a favour and wait till Grissom’s in charge before you get drunk on the job.”    
  
“What? And miss out on all this fun?” Sara couldn’t help baiting a response.    
  


Catherine’s voice rose in exasperation. “Damn it Sara, you could get fired for this. What the hell were you thinking?”     
  
Sara wasn’t sure which hurt more; that she was being chewed out like some rookie or that Catherine didn’t care. Whatever she had intended to say became lost in a haze and she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  
  
“I wasn’t. I just overslept, okay?”  
  
 _Lame, Sara… so lame._ _  
_  
The look on Catherine’s face, Sara noticed, was depressingly familiar. It was the unique mixture of pity, disgust and impending triumph that she occasionally wore just before she slam-dunked a hapless suspect with an irrefutable piece of evidence.  
  
“Well, next time explain to your bartender friend that’s what you were doing. He was under the impression that you were so drunk that you needed to be saved from hurting yourself.”      
  
“Catherine…”  
  
A hand shot up in warning. “Don’t.”  
  
“Don’t what?”  
  
“Don’t even think of trying to explain. Just get your things together and let’s go. The last thing I need right now is to explain why half of the graveyard shift has disappeared from work.”  
  
“I’m not going anywhere till you hear me out.”  
  
Sara stood her ground until Catherine eventually looked her in the eye.   
  
“I was just going to say I’m sorry.”  
  
Catherine snorted sarcastically.  
  
“You’re sorry? Is that for missing work or the fact that you’re going to be relegated to crime scene clean-up if Ecklie finds out?”  
  
Sara was truly grateful to whatever gods there were that Catherine wasn’t her boss.   
  
“I’m sorry about missing work and,” Sara searched for the right words before continuing, “what happened between us. I don’t want it to be...”  
  
Sara trailed off, frowning. She wasn’t sure how she could have but she must have said something wrong because Catherine’s face suddenly turned an odd shade of pale.  
  
“I thought we agreed not never to talk about that ever again.”   
  
Sara was formulating a reply when the familiar trill of a cell phone interrupted.    
  
“Willows.”   
  
The way the line of that elegant jaw hardened abruptly did not bode well.   
  
“Yes, I’m out in the field but I’m on my way back to the lab…I had to clear up something… not the Keely case… I realise that…we’re all working hard…”  
  
Catherine’s expression grew progressively darker with each passing second.  
  
“What are you insinuating, Ecklie?  I did not leave the shift unsupervised…well, I’m sorry I missed the senator but maybe you can enlighten him as to how CSI works. Explain how being out on a crime scene is part of the job…” By now, a vein in her temple had started to throb. “You know exactly how many people we have on his daughter’s case…yes, I understand how much pressu-”  
  
A single glance from Catherine and Sara wished that the floor would open and swallow her up.      
  
“…I’ll remember that…I’m sure Grissom would rather be back here too but I assure you that everything is under control…yes, you’ll have the reports…first thing in the morning.”  
  
A few more awkward seconds passed before the rapid monologue from the other end of the line finally concluded. Catherine snapped the phone shut and for a moment it looked like she’d actually hurl the offending device across the room. What was even more disturbing was that if she actually did, the odds were good that it’d be in Sara’s direction.   
  
“Catherine…”  
  
“Damn you, Sidle.” Her voice was a low hiss.  
  
“Catherine?”  
  
“This is all a game to you, isn’t it? What do you call it - fun ways to screw up Catherine’s life?”  
  
“I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me?”  
  
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it. They think that the shift has gone to hell in a handbasket because Grissom left me in charge. Do you know how that looks?”  
  
She was exaggerating but now wasn’t exactly the best time to point that out just yet.  
  
“Ecklie’s just being a prick.”  
  
Catherine looked as if she was about to fire another insult Sara’s way but stopped and blew out a frustrated breath. “Why you do this to yourself?”  
  
Sara immediately decided that she preferred ranting and cursing to condescending sympathy.   
  
“I didn’t _do_ anything to myself.”  
  
“Well, then who did? The tooth fairy? Me?”  
  
“I never said you did anything.”   
  
“Great, no one did anything and everything is peachy. So why are we here?”  
  
They were back to that question. Sara knew what Catherine deserved to hear but she’d be damned if she’d allow her to see how painful it was to say it. Her eyes sought out an imaginary spot on the wall just beyond Catherine’s shoulder.   
  
“I made a mistake and let something personal that happened between us affect my ability to do my work.”   
  
Blue eyes dogged her brown ones till they finally grasped hold of them.  
  
“Now you see why some things should never have been said?”   
  
Sara could almost hear the silent ‘I-told-you-so’ that preceded that question.  
  
“I apologise for missing work and for upsetting you but I’m not going to be sorry for being honest. I screwed up, Catherine, but this doesn’t change anything.”  
  
“I’m sure the disciplinary board will give extra points for candour when they haul you in.”  
  
She should have been worried by the threat in Catherine’s remark but the only thing Sara felt right then was concern for how agitated the older woman was. “Look, if it’ll help, I’ll come clean to Ecklie, Grissom and whoever else there is and make sure all the blame falls on me.”  
  
Catherine looked at her as if she were mad. In her panic-stricken brain, that sounded suspiciously like a threat. “Don’t even think of saying one word of this to anyone. You’ve caused enough damage for one night.”  
  
There was no pleasing the woman, was there?  
  
“You’re the one who’s worried about your reputation. I’m just trying to help by offering to tell them what happened.”  
  
 _Sara wouldn’t dare, would she?_  
  
Catherine wasn’t going to risk calling her bluff.  
  
“Believe me, you’ve helped enough already. I mean it Sara, if you tell anyone else about what happened today, you’ll regret it.”  
  
Sara tilted her head in surprise.   
  
“You’re letting me off the hook? Why?”  
  
Why indeed? Why not just report the whole thing and let Sara get what was coming to her and save her own skin? Everyone would just think that it was a silly crush on Sara’s part. There was no way anyone could think Catherine would be interested.   
  
Was there?  
  
 _Of course not! Sara and me… what kind of a moron would believe a crazy idea like that?_ __  
  
To her great distress, a little voice at the back of her head was jumping up and down to answer that question. Catherine forced herself to ignore it.  
  
“Just go home, Sara. I don’t have time for this right now.”  
  
“Catherine…”  
  
“Not a word about anything or you’ll be explaining why you were drinking on the job.”   
  
Catherine turned on her heel and practically wrenched the door knob off. Before she could protest, Sara found herself staring dumbfounded at the door as it swung violently from the force with which it had been flung open. A few seconds later, Alex poked her head through the doorway.  
  
“You still in one piece?”  
  
“I think so. Where’s Catherine?”  
  
“She threw this at me,” Alex held up a key, “and shot out of here like a bullet. Where are your shoes?”   
  
Sara was suddenly aware of how silly she looked and padded across the room to retrieve her footwear. Putting them on was a surprisingly easy task, now that she wasn’t panicking.  
  
“What just happened in here?”  
  
“I’m not sure.”  
  
Alex shook her head resignedly.   
  
“Maybe you’ll remember better after you sleep the alcohol out of your system. Come on, I’ll drive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tongue lashing as promised *g*


	19. Chapter 19

“I mean it, Sara. Don’t make me have to call Catherine to find out what’s going on. I will if you keep this up…”  
  
All she got was more of the same still silence in return. Alex crossed her arms and slumped back onto the couch. She hadn’t wanted to resort to this but asking nicely wasn’t working. The fact that even _this_ wasn’t working was starting to worry her. It must have been more serious than she’d imagined if Sara was calling her bluff so casually.   
  
Well, in a way, it was good to know that nothing had changed. Sara would only talk when she was ready and there was nothing Alex could do about it except wait it out. She’d just find some way to occupy herself in the meantime.    
  
“Got any of that single malt stuff around here?”  
  
Sara looked her in the eye for the first time since they’d entered the apartment. The conversation in the car had consisted mostly of Sara giving road directions as Alex cursed her way through the notorious Vegas traffic.   
  
“Did you see that?! You’re supposed to signal _before_ you cut in, grandma!”  
  
“Do you want me to take over?”   
  
“I’m not putting you and suicidal grandma out there on the same road together. Not in the condition you’re in.”  
  
“I’m fine, Alex.”  
  
“Of course you are…”  
  
“I am…” Sara said defensively.  
  
Alex gave her a dubious look. “You really want me to say it don’t you?”   
  
“You were going to, anyway…” Sara waited for the annoyed look to appear before continuing. “Look, I had a couple more drinks than usual but I’ve slept it off. Take the next right.”  
  
Alex waited until she got them safely past the corner before answering.  
  
“You drank until you passed out. Rudy had to call us to come get you.”   
  
“He over-reacted.”  
  
They were coming up to a traffic light junction that looked vaguely familiar but Alex couldn’t be sure. Sara saw the uncertainty on her face and signalled her thumb to the left lane. The light turned red just as they pulled to a halt.  
  
“I’d have gone for it.”  
  
“That’s why I’m driving and you’re not.”  
  
“Wimp. Live a little.”  
  
An eyebrow rose dangerously.  
  
“This isn’t helping your case.”  
  
“And what case might that be, doctor?”  
  
The lights turned and they were moving again.   
  
“First, you get stupidly drunk. Then you refuse to admit there’s anything wrong. Now you’re acting suicidal.”  
  
“That’s my middle name. Sui-Sidle.”  
  
“Sara…”  
  
“Sui-Sidle… get it?” The gap-toothed grin turned into an uncharacteristic giggle.  
  
“I’m glad your sense of humour is still intact.”  
  
The laughter turned bitter. “Would it make you feel better if I had nervous breakdown instead? That’ll give you something to analyse.”  
  
“I’d prefer we deal with whatever’s crawled up your ass with something other than denial or hyperbole.”  
  
“But everybody seems to be enjoying telling me what’s wrong with my life today so why stop? Go on, I’m giving you a head start for once.”   
  
The words were meant to be sarcastic but they came out bitter and resigned.  
  
Alex wasn’t about to have this conversation, not while she was driving on a strange road in an unfamiliar city at night. She did recognize some of the buildings that were streaming past them. At least that meant that they were near home, but she still needed some help to be sure.  
  
“Right now I just need you to tell me if I take the turn or keep going straight?”  
  
For a second, she thought Sara wasn’t going to answer and she was going to top the evening by getting them lost.   
  
“Take the right and follow the road. Building’s on the left.”  
  
Alex breathed a huge sigh of relief when they finally pulled into Sara’s parking space. Now that she had one dilemma out of they way, she could deal with whatever was brewing in her friend’s head.  
  
“Okay. We’ve actually made it back in one piece,” Alex killed the engine and twisted round her seat to face Sara. “So, do you still want to fight?”  
  
Was it her imagination or was a passing look of contrition? It was too brief to tell under the dull illumination of the street lamp.   
  
“I never wanted to fight.”  
  
“Then, talk to me.”  
  
“I’m tired, Alex.”  
  
The shadows round her eyes spoke more of defeat than fatigue.   
  
“Didn’t you say you’ve slept it off…?”  
  
Alex didn’t think the wing mirror was that interesting but from the way she was staring at it, Sara apparently did.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.”  
  
“You can sit here if you like but it’s cold and I’m going inside.”   
  
Without waiting for an answer, Sara slipped out of the car faster than Alex could’ve stopped her. To be honest, she’d also rather be inside and warm while they talked. And, Alex mused as she watched her friend recede into the distance, there was plenty to talk about. Sara was avoiding but Alex wasn’t going to let a little thing like that stop her.  
  
So there they were. Twenty past midnight but sleep was the last thing on either of their minds. Alex regarded the faintly blood-shot brown eyes that were staring back at her.  
  
“Whisky. And I mean the kind you were splurging on at Rudy’s…”  
  
“There’s a bottle of Jack in the kitchen cupboard.”  
  
Alex made a face. “I guess beggars can’t be choosers.”  
  
As Alex poured herself a measure of the brown liquid, she was half-tempted to offer Sara some. Maybe it’d help loosen her tongue a little. She changed her mind almost instantly.   
  
_I really don’t need to deal with a drunk Sara Sidle twice in one evening._ _  
_  
“Okay.” Alex plopped herself back onto the sofa, drink in hand. “Where were we?”  
  
Sara glanced at her briefly before going back to analysing the wall.  
  
Alex sighed. “Ah yes, you were trying to stare a hole into the wall and I was talking to myself.”  
  
She got a longer look out of Sara that time. Alex took a sip of her drink and continued her monologue.  
  
“I’m thinking it’d be more productive if you give the wall a break and we talked to each other instead. What do you think?”  
  
When Sara finally spoke, the words were drawn out so tightly they almost crackled in the air. “There’s nothing to talk about.”   
  
“Sure there is. I’ll even give you a topic since Catherine’s already told me what happened at the diner this morning.  You get to tell me what went on in Rudy’s office earlier.”  
  
“No thanks, I’m going to bed.” Sara got up from the seat and waved her hand vaguely at a wall. “That’ll keep you company.”  
  
“Suit yourself. Maybe the wall will be interested in what Catherine had to say.”  
  
Alex rolled the tumbler between her palms as she smiled smugly, waiting for Sara take the bait. It took a few seconds for curiosity to beat ego into submission and the brunette eventually sat back down on the opposite end of the couch from Alex.   
  
“So, what is she now, your new best friend?”    
  
“No. I like the one I have just fine. I just wish she’d let me help her once in a while,” Alex said, her voice deepening seriously.  
  
Sara looked at her with sad eyes. “You can’t.”   
  
“I can’t or you won’t let me?”  
  
“You can’t. Alex, I’m in so deep that even I can’t get myself out of it.”  
  
Alex frowned in concern. She expected denial, not this timid surrender. “Glass half empty? That isn’t you.”  
  
“A lot’s happened lately that isn’t normally me.”  
  
“So, things didn’t turn out like you expected them to. Is that so bad?”  
  
Dark eyes widened in disbelief.  
  
“Should I start at where Catherine shot me down or go straight to the part she found me at the back of a bar?”  
  
“How about we stick to the part where it feels better now that you’ve been honest with yourself?”   
  
Sara sighed. “Alex, please don’t do this.”  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“Deduce. Analyse. Hypothesize. I’m not one of your patients.”  
  
“Thank God for that. I’d have given up on you a long time ago if you were.”   
  
Sara managed a tired smile. “You mean you’d have stopped if I’d just paid you to?”   
  
A similar expression spread across the alabaster face. “I’ll stop when you talk to me.”  
  
Alex hated sounding like a broken record, but sheer persistence usually worked when everything else failed.  
  
“Look, nothing you’ll say or do is going to make any difference, Alex. I started making a fool of myself in front of Catherine this morning and finished the job at Rudy’s tonight. If Catherine didn’t hate me before, she sure as hell does now.”  
  
Alex leaned forward and reached for Sara’s hand. “Is that what you think? That she hates you?”  
  
“I’m pretty sure that was implied when she said I was screwing up her life.”  
  
“Hmm, let’s analyse the evidence. She abandoned her work in the middle of an important case to rescue you from a bar. Instead of being grateful, you tell her to piss off and leave you alone. Meanwhile, the brass is probably putting all kinds of pressure on her to come up with more evidence. You’re right, how dare she be upset at you? She must hate your guts…”  
  
Sara said nothing but her expression spoke volumes as she plucked the bourbon out of Alex’s hand.   
  
“You’re wrong, Sara. She doesn’t hate you at all.”  
  
One sip was enough for her gut to remind her that more alcohol was the last thing she needed. Sara ignored the burning sensation and handed the drink back to Alex.   
  
“Yeah, I’m paranoid and she’s actually nuts about me, right?”  
  
“I wouldn’t go that far but you two are far more alike than either of you want to admit. It’s like two people pulling at opposite ends of the same rope. As long as neither one gives, that rope and that distance will remain tense and constant.”  
  
“Very poetic, Dr. Thompson. But I did let go this morning. Fell flat on my face for my trouble. And that rope you’re talking about? There’s no one at the other end. It’s one big fat rubber-band and I have the whiplash to prove it.”   
  
Alex shook her head. “Don’t you see? If you weren’t on the same rope, Catherine wouldn’t have reacted the way she did. Why should she get all riled up over fictitious impossibilities?  
  
“She’s worried about her precious reputation.  
  
“Even you can’t really believe that, can you?”  
  
When an answer didn’t come, Alex drew back to her end of the couch. Sara immediately missed the warm and comforting grasp that had been covering her hand. She lifted her feet and placed them lightly against Alex's side. It was a ritual from years past and she was reminded again how comforting it felt. The blonde smiled, remembering her role and tucked the sock-clad feet under her thighs.   
  
“Better?”   
  
Sara smiled and nodded. She hugged a cushion as she settled deeper into the sofa, closing her eyes.   
  
“Sar, from what you’ve told me, Catherine isn’t exactly your average shrinking violet. Do you honestly think the possibility of some random gossip about the two of you would freak her out like that?”   
  
A silence fell between them.   
  
“I didn’t think so either. Reality can be a frightening prospect, especially when it catches you unawares. Even more so when it’s something that’s been right in front of your eyes all the while.”  
  
“Did she tell you that?”  
  
“She didn’t have to. I’ve been practically having the same conversation with the both of you these past couple of days. And hearing the same roundabout excuses. You know, I’d have put good money on the odds that you two would be circling each other till kingdom come if yesterday didn’t happen.”  
  
Alex caught the cushion just before it landed on her face.  
  
“A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice...”  
  
The reply came thick with sarcasm. “How __did we ever manage without you?”   
  
The cushion went flying back in the opposite direction and landed on Sara’s lap.  
  
“What I’m saying is, don’t give up because of fear, both yours and hers. If Catherine’s the one, she’s worth all of this and more.”  
  
Alex’s voice trailed off pensively. She’d somehow ventured onto her own emotional raw territory without realising it. Fortunately, Sara was slow to notice the hint of wistful sadness in the other woman’s voice before it passed.  
  
“What if you’re wrong?”  
  
“What if I’m right?”  
  
Alex watched with satisfaction as Sara mulled over that last question in silence.   
  
“I don’t know about you but I’m going to bed,” Alex said, letting out a groan as she uncurled her stiffened limbs. She offered a hand in Sara’s direction.     
  
“Coming? I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself.”  
  
Sara rolled her eyes and smiled as she allowed herself to be pulled up from the sofa. There’d be plenty of time to think in the harsh light of day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small intermission since I've put Sara through so much.


	20. Chapter 20

Sara stumbled out of bed to an empty apartment and a note from Alex with a couple of hours to kill before shift. It was just what she needed - time away from work and the world in general to regroup her thoughts on what had happened the day before. It was amazing how details she’d missed before materialised so easily when there were no distractions. In fact, all the minutiae came back with such crystal clarity that less than a second went by before Sara knew exactly what she had to do next.   
  
She was striding down a hallway in the lab with an armload of paper within the hour.   
  
If she was going to drive herself insane thinking about her problems, she needed to be somewhere where they’d find her body quickly. Sara had found what she was looking for in a pile on Grissom’s desk. Phone records. It was mundane and there was at least a boxful worth of it. In other words, it was perfect; picking out numbers from a list didn’t require higher thinking and the tedium it involved was appropriate penance for her unexpected absence from work. Sara thumbed through the first few pages. They were still untouched. Could it be that someone else was also avoiding? Although, after that little fiasco last night, chances were Catherine had been saving this unenviable task for her anyway.

There was nothing quite like the satisfaction of analysing a piece of evidence, coaxing from it clue after clue, until a solution eventually emerged. 

This was nothing like it.  
  
Sara enjoyed a good challenge as much as the next person but this exercise in sheer monotony was definitely giving her ability to focus a good workout. Her eyes were already aching from the effort it was taking to keep them open, but she stoically chose to carry on. A healthy dose of monotonous number crunching was just the thing to keep her mind occupied.   
  
The ache escalated to a persistent throb and Sara finally gave in. She sank back into her seat and let her eyelids close, relishing the brief respite. In spite of her best efforts, the last few hours of her life could be reduced to a single observation.   
  
_Penance is a bitch._   
  
Her brain already felt like it’d been shot up with novocaine. She’d drunk so much coffee that she should have just stuck a caffeine IV in her arm in the first place but there was barely anything to show for it except the small pile of completed records next to a much bigger pile of unread folders staring mockingly back at her.   
  
The same work that was supposed to be a life-line of distraction was starting to feel like a rope around her neck.   
  
Rope.           
  
Two ends of the same rope.   
  
Sara shook her head rapidly and forced herself to concentrate on the work in front of her. All she needed to complete her misery was the sound of Alex’s voice in her head.

  
She pushed it away and turned her attention back to the phone numbers. A pattern. She was looking for a pattern. Something to tie the evidence together.  
  
Like a rope.  
  
It wasn’t working. She rubbed her eyes again, adamant that she would regain her concentration. She may have been staring at the page but she wasn’t reading a single thing. All those rows of numbers to analyse, yet her brain was stubbornly fixated on some random psycho-babble. Damn Alex and damn her metaphorical rope.      
  
_Besides, she’s wrong. Catherine shot me down without even blinking an eye. Hell, she couldn’t stand to even touch me. The only rope in our relationship right now is the one she wants round my neck._  
  
Sara squared her shoulders as she shut that unfortunate image out of her mind and went back to work. Picking a number that appeared a couple of times on the same page, she checked it against the phone company records. It was just the local pizza delivery. At least that was one more down.   
  
_But why let me off the hook if she didn’t care? Why not just write me up and throw me to the wolves?_  
  
The pen in her hand hung momentarily in mid-air as Sara contemplated that question. For a moment, she allowed herself to play devil’s advocate. After all, all that hostility made as much sense as a defensive reaction as a malicious one. Perhaps that was just her way of showing concern.     
  
Red alert sirens went off in a flash.   
  
_Oh boy, here we go again. Let’s just think about what started all the trouble in the first place…_ _  
_  
Speculative obsession. Obsessive speculation.   
  
Either way it’d left nothing but a trail of confusion and mishap in its wake. So, somewhere between her empty apartment and locker room, she had made herself promise not to venture down this road again.    
  
_That’s right. So, strut up to Catherine and ask her directly or just put a sock in it, Sidle. Now, stop talking to yourself and get back to work before they break out the padded room…_ __  
  
The pen finally resumed its journey and met paper. The next number turned out to be a Chinese restaurant. That made the frequent caller list she had so far…pizza, Chinese, a burger joint and his attorney. Sara tallied up the numbers and two things became clear. Daniel Avery didn’t go out much and - for a man who could afford high-priced attorneys and five-figure expert witnesses - he was obviously less than discerning as far as his food was concerned.  
  
Sara honed in on the last item on the list. Avery must have had his attorneys on a big fat retainer, judging from the number of phone calls he’d been making to their offices. She flipped through the stack of paper and found the same number scattered on almost every page. Since they’d pulled out all the stops on this case, which meant the logs went back at least a couple of months.   
  
That’s strange…  
  
She double-checked the date just to be sure.   
  
Why would Avery be calling a defence attorney weeks before he was even a suspect?   
  
As Sara pondered on this, her hand went for the coffee mug in reflex. She frowned. A tilt of the wrist confirmed that unless she wanted to suck on dregs, it was time for a refill. No sense in depriving herself when perfectly good coffee was just down the hallway. Sara arched her back away from the chair and stretched out her cramped muscles in relief. She needed a break anyway.   
  
Her body was still sore and, as each aching step she took closer to the break room reminded her, it was going to be a while before the ill effects of her little escapade wore off completely. At least it’d heal sooner than her battered ego. It’d help if Sara could keep Catherine out of her head but that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon either. The last thing she needed was to slip up again and throw the proverbial monkey wrench into their already precarious relationship.   
  
Speak of the devil…   
  
She stopped short at the door.  
  
Was it that late already?  
  
Her watch confirmed that there was still an hour before their shift officially started. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one with work on her mind.  
  
It was a good thing Catherine had her back to the door because Sara would be hard-pressed to explain why she was standing at the doorway, staring mesmerized at her while she made coffee. Sara had never noticed it before but that shade of blue on Catherine’s shirt perfectly complemented the colour of her hair. Her eyes followed the fluid flow of the fabric around her curves before it disappeared beneath the waistband of her pants.   
  
The woman could have made a potato sack look good.  
  
Just then, Catherine bent to reach across the counter-top. Naturally, the material of her pants yielded and clung to all the right places, stretching tautly across the firm, full, round perfection of her…  
  
“You’re early…”   
  
Caught like a kid with her hand in the cookie jar, Sara jumped at sound of Archie’s voice behind her. Catherine gave them both a silent look and went back to pouring coffee.   
  
“Hey…,” Sara didn’t trust herself to say anything more complicated than that. Her heart was still going a mile a minute.     
  
“You’re both early…” Archie said, looking between the two women in surprise, before turning to Sara, “So, I guess you’re feeling better, huh?”  
  
Sara threw him a look of confusion. The lab tech grinned broadly as he led them both into the break room.  
  
“You didn’t come in last night. Catherine said you took a sick day.”  
  
The two women locked eyes instantly and from the look Catherine gave her, Sara decided it’d be wise to play along.  
  
“Yeah, something I ate…”  
  
“You sure you’re all right? You look a little flushed.”  
  
That was one conversational road Sara didn’t need to go down. Ever. She needed a diversion.  
  
“Any luck with the computer we bagged from Avery’s apartment?”  
  
His eyes lit up. “It took a while but I managed to crack the encryption algorithm of the security software. He’d booby-trapped it to auto-run a scrubber program to erase all the data and cache files in case someone tried to hack in. So what I had to do was go back to the code at boot level and…”    
  
“In English?”  
  
“I got in. Defused it and secured the data using…”   
  
“Did you find anything?” Sara cut him off before he launched into another technical ramble.  
  
“Plenty, but I’m not sure if it’ll be relevant to the case.”   
  
That caught Catherine’s attention and she joined in the conversation, coffee mug in hand.  
  
“Right now I’ll take anything. What have you got?”  
  
“Okay, but it’ll be easier if I just show you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to work aka here we go again *g*


	21. Chapter 21

Catherine watched her as they waited for Archie to finish setting up the computer. He was right about the flush but it wasn’t just that. Sara looked unsettled. The fact that the younger woman refused to acknowledge her blatant scrutiny confirmed her guilt. Catherine barely suppressed a frown.   
  
So, Sara _had_ been staring at her when Archie walked into the break room.   
  
For some reason, that conclusion both annoyed and excited her at the same time. It obviously hadn’t done her ego any harm; much simpler just to think of the whole incident as a misplaced compliment and forget all about it. Then again, it could easily have been someone more observant who’d walked in on Sara. No discredit to Archie, but the only other person who wouldn’t have put two and two together in that situation was probably Gil.   
  
A voice in her head clucked disapprovingly.  
  
_So, what are you’re going to tell her…‘Sara, you’re not allowed to ogle me’?_  
  
That didn’t sound right and why would it? There wasn’t any way she could bring up the subject now without sounding irrational and the awkwardness would eventually pass. As much as Catherine hated to admit it, she was still a little out of whack emotionally. What had happened last night had done forced her to take a good look at a lot of things, including her own actions and reactions. Unsurprisingly, it all led to the question of how Sara always managed to crawl under her skin so easily.    
  
_Face it Cath, she always will because you’re a sucker for a challenge, especially the huge, complicated kind._  
  
That was exactly what Sara Sidle was. It wasn’t as if she was some great incomprehensible mystery, Sara just didn’t let her get near enough to go any further than the superficial. Every time Catherine thought they’d progressed a step beyond that boundary, Sara slipped away, often in the wake of frayed tempers and heated words. Work would inevitably draw them together again only for the cycle to repeat. She’d tried reasoning before that it was because they were so much alike, both passionate, opinionated women, but that didn’t explain why this push and pull dynamic was unique between the two of them.   
  
In light of what had happened, Sara’s past behaviour was beginning to make sense. All that bristling antagonism had been a manifestation of Sara’s inability to resolve her unspoken feelings for Catherine.   
  
It was all so clear.  
  
Catherine was painfully familiar with that of rush of jumbled emotions. It was the same reason she lashed out at Sara when they were at Rudy’s last night. The only difference was, her reaction to their tangle on the floor was obviously a simple physical reaction to their unexpected proximity. She hadn’t really been able to think clearly about it before but there was nothing wrong with having a physical reaction to, well, someone attractive.   
  
And Sara _was_ attractive. Especially if toned curves, long legs, soulful dark eyes and heart-melting smiles were your thing. And strong arms. The kind that made you feel protected, safe…  
  
Catherine shook her head, berating herself for straying from her original flow of thoughts. Anyway, what had happened was purely reflex. If Sara had read anything more into it then that was her problem and she’d better get past it soon. Unresolved tension had an uncanny way of doing strange things to people. Sometimes, Catherine thought, giving the brunette a sympathetic look, to the extent of making them hopelessly oblivious.   
  
Some people were just completely blinded by denial.  
  
“I’m going to bring up the main directory.” Archie’s voice broke into her ruminations. He waited till he got both their attentions before continuing, “So far so good, right? Looks like your average setup but wait… ”  
  
Archie started typing as the women watched over his shoulder. The screen wavered for a microsecond before resuming its previous configuration.   
  
“See that?”  
  
“The screen jumped.”   
  
He nodded, fingers working as he explained. “That’s the security program kicking in. Nothing some good old multi-level hacking can’t handle...”  
  
Archie finished the sequence of keystrokes and the screen began to fill. Catherine leaned in for better look. “What am I looking at?”   
  
“Encrypted files and folders on a virtual partition,” he answered with a satisfied smirk on his face. “Mainly pornography. From what I’ve seen, our guy is a big fan of the erotic arts and he’s not picky either.” A couple of mouse clicks brought up a series of pictures. “Everything from vanilla to kinky. Role-playing. Bondage. S&M. Multiple partners. You name it, he’s got it. And before you ask, yes, I’m actually checking this file by file. As far as I can tell, he’s a big fan of playing it rough.”  
  
Catherine eyed the screen, not bothering to hide her disgust. “Big surprise. You’ve looked through all of this?”    
  
“Only scratched the surface,” Archie shook his head with a shrug and a grin, “but somebody’s got to do the dirty work.”  
  
Sara gestured towards the screenshot of a young woman, immortalised in a position she’d never previously thought was possible. At least not without a great deal of pain involved.   
  
“So, what you’re saying is we have is a hard drive full of pornographic pictures.”  
  
“Not just pictures. There are videos and literotica as well.”   
  
“Videos and what?”   
  
“Literotica. Erotic stories. I’m not sure if any of it is his own work but I think he just downloaded most of them from online archives. There’s even stuff from the Pit.”  
  
Archie smiled when he saw the look of recognition on Sara’s face.  
  
“Yeah, hard to believe anyone would read that stuff, right?”     
  
“The Pit? Sounds hardcore…” Catherine said, frowning dubiously.  
  
“Nah, it’s mostly harmless…” Archie started answering.   
  
“Unless you consider bad grammar a crime,” Sara chipped in, a huge grin stretching across her face.  
  
Catherine looked between the pair of them exchanging knowing looks, feeling increasingly more stupid by the second. She waved her hand in the air in an impatient gesture, “And this is relevant to our case how?”  
  
“Other than proving that, among other things, Daniel Avery enjoys violent smut and bad writing? I’m not sure it is. That’s why I wanted to show it to you.”  
  
This was beginning to sound suspiciously like one of those dead ends they’d been hitting with alarming regularity as far as this case was concerned. Catherine frowned.  
  
“Is there a pattern to any of this or have we just found more proof that he’s perverted as well as insane? Because what we need at this point is evidence of premeditation. Conscious thought. Something to prove that he knew what he was doing.”  
  
“I know what you need but I’m just telling you what I’ve got right now. I’ll need to run a search through the websites on the history list. Some of these sites have online chat functions, blogs, forums. Maybe we’ll find a lead there.”  
  
“See if there’s anything with a paedophilia theme,” Sara offered, “since all his victims are children.”  
  
“You think we’re dealing with some form of sexual perversion taken over to the extreme?”   
  
“It’s worth a shot. This hobby of his looks like it goes back way before God was speaking to him. Maybe Alex can tie it in as evidence of criminal premeditation or at least predisposition and work from there.”  
  
Archie nodded, “You’ll be the first to know, but I have to warn you, we’re talking about nearly five hundred gigs of data here...”    
  
“Just let us know if anything slimy floats to the surface...”  
  
Sara fell into step beside Catherine as they left Archie to his task. The blonde muttered, “This case just keeps getting better and better...”   
  
“Tell me about it… I don’t really care where they lock him up anymore, as long as they throw away the key after that.”  
  
“You and me both,” Catherine replied. “I’ve gone through everything from bank statements to his grocery list and I’m still left with a mound of paper up to my neck and nothing else.”     
  
They entered the small office where Sara had been working before. The formidable stack of unfinished work perched on the desk reminded her why she’d taken a break in the first place.    
  
“At least you aren’t killing your eyes playing ‘match the phone numbers’. My head hurts and my back feels like it’s pinned down by a ton of bricks. Now I remember why I need that coffee so badly.”    
  
The younger woman looked frazzled and Catherine had a pretty good idea why. It was a good thing Sara wasn’t the kind who fished for sympathy because she wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened. Not yet, anyway.  
  
“Didn’t know you ever needed a reason for that…”  
  
Sara snorted, looking pointedly at the mug in Catherine’s hand, “Said the pot to the kettle.”  
  
“Hey, at least I don’t make excuses and this is only my first.”  
  
“Since you’re so chipper today, why don’t you add my stack to your mound?”  
  
The words slipped out of Sara’s mouth before she realised the innuendo behind what she’d said. If Catherine caught on, her expression betrayed nothing. She turned silently towards the door while Sara tried desperately to suppress the colour rising in her face. She was certain she’d just carved another notch in her ever-growing tally of screw-ups and it took excruciating effort to hold a neutral expression for the ten seconds until she was alone again. She heard the door click shut and was about to let out a groan of relief when she realised she wasn’t alone. Catherine stood ominously in front of her.   
  
_Great, now she’s going to rip me a new one._  
  
Sara was steeling herself for the inevitable when the scene took a turn for the surreal. It must have been her caffeine-addled imagination because instead of what she’d expected, she was staring at eyes dilated with desire. It was suggestive enough to catch her off-guard.

_ Great, on top of everything else I’m now having random hallucinations. _

She squeezed her eyes shut and drew in a deep breath hoping, to clear her head.

_ Yup, still there. _ __  
  
When Catherine finally spoke, her voice was pure silk.

“I want to see what you’ve got first…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhangers are nearly as fun as slow burn right *g*? And bonus points if you know what the Pit is in reference to.


	22. Chapter 22

“Show me.”   
  
There was no mistaking the intention behind the words now. Catherine had all but purred those two syllables.   
  
Sara almost pinched herself as the older woman closed the gap between them. No, if this was a dream, the last thing she wanted to do was wake up. She found herself backing up in reflex until the edge of the table hit the back of her thighs.   
  
“Show me,” Catherine repeated, only this time she was close enough that Sara could feel the warm breath that punctuated each word hit her skin, sending shivers down the brunette’s spine.   
  
Long fingers trailed along her shoulders before they splayed across her clavicles. Sara felt her upper body being pushed backwards as Catherine slid up against her. The firm line of the table edge dug sharply through her jeans but Sara was beyond caring. The only thing that she could think of was the excruciating warmth of Catherine’s lips hovering just inches away from her own. She stretched her neck to capture her prize but it eluded her as the older woman drew her head back teasingly.   
  
“Not yet… you still have something to show me first…”   
  
She felt the fabric of her shirt rub with agonizing deliberateness against her heated skin as skilful fingertips caressed the first of the buttons that held the plackets together. Sara groaned. She wanted nothing more than for Catherine to ease the plastic disc through the buttonhole but her captor was clearly holding back, waiting for her to do something. Right now, as the liquid heat suffusing the lower half of her body reminded her, she’d go to hell and back if Catherine asked her to.    
  
“You want to see my….unhh, oh god…” Sara rasped out between rapid breaths as a rough wetness traced her earlobe.   
  
Catherine did not answer immediately, her mouth focussed on its task. She let her palms slide downwards to cup twin contours, gently measuring their yielding weight. In her hormonal haze, Sara cursed the additional barrier keeping their flesh apart, wondering what kind of madman invented something as restrictive as an under-wired bra. She let out a hiss when the tongue flicked one last time before Catherine breathed into her ear.   
  
“I want to see everything…”   
  
She wanted to see everything. This woman who was the object of her wildest fantasies, who was now tracing kisses along line of her jaw wanted to see everything.    
  
Hell yes.   
  
The softest pair of lips christened the hollow of her neck and whatever shreds of inhibitions Sara had left dissolved in a whimper. She braced herself on one hand as the other one tore at the buttons, her task made all the more difficult by the distraction of kisses that were being trailed against her skin. In her haste to pull her shirt apart, she slipped. The back of her head fell against the table with an awkward thunk. In the blurry daze that followed, Sara felt a great weight lifted off her chest and a distant voice echoing.   
  
“Sara…”   
  
That sweet voice. That sweet angelic voice.   
  
“Catherine,” she whispered back.   
  
“Sara?”   
  
There was a harder edge to Catherine’s voice this time and that did not bode well. Sara blinked and the room came back into focus. Except she wasn’t flat on her back and Catherine wasn’t sprawled all over her. She was standing at the door. Glancing down at the open file in front of her, Sara concluded that she must have been working when her imagination took a little detour into the realms of fantasy.    
  
“Show me.”   
  
Sara froze at the now familiar phrase. Just exactly how much of it was fantasy? She cleared her throat nervously.   
  
“Show you?”   
  
Catherine closed the door behind her. Sara was the one who’d said that she had something to show her in the first place. Not only did she not return with the file, she now reacted as if she’d no idea what Catherine was talking about. She stepped up towards Sara and was puzzled by the way her simple action caused the younger woman to draw a sharp breath. As if she expected Catherine to hit her or jump her.    
  
“You said you found something in the phone logs?”   
  
The immediate look of relief on Sara’s face following her explanation was equally mystifying. Catherine sighed impatiently. If Sara’s way of dealing with her problem was fidgeting uncomfortably every time they were in the same room together supplemented by the occasional black out, they may have to have that talk after all. Before she could say anything, Sara stood up abruptly.    
  
“Yes…”    
  
Sara picked up the folder that was in front of her, not really knowing what else to do with her hands. The imagery, though fictitious, was still fresh and having Catherine in the same room wasn’t helping. Maybe if she didn’t look at the table...    
  
“I was going through the logs and I think we should take a closer look at one of the numbers…”     
  
“Well, would you like to show it to me or am I just supposed to guess which one it is?” Catherine couldn’t keep the sarcastic edge out of her tone.     
  
Sara glanced at the folder in her hand and unsurprisingly, it wasn’t the right one. She immediately saw what she wanted on the top of a pile but one look at the table and she knew there was no way she could have a professional conversation with Catherine in that room without feeling incredibly uncomfortable.   
  
_ More like incredibly horny. _ _   
_   
She made a show of rummaging through a stack of papers unsuccessfully.   
  
“I know it’s somewhere here, just need to find it…” She said as she pulled a random pile of files towards her, “…why don’t you give me a few minutes and I meet you at Grissom’s office?”   
  
_ Please say yes, please say yes. _ __   
  
Catherine opened her mouth as if she had something to say but to Sara’s relief, she just nodded and left the room.    
  
The moment the door closed, Sara fell gratefully into a chair before her knees failed. That was bizarre. Fantasizing was one thing but now she was doing it at work? She took a deep breath, hoping it would steady her. This was an isolated incident and purely a case of bad timing. And the best way to prevent this from happening again was to focus her on work.     
  
With that resolve in mind, Sara cleared her thoughts as she picked up the file she needed. Catherine was expecting her, but first she needed to make a small detour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but hopefully does the job.


	23. Chapter 23

She entered the restroom, grateful to find it empty bar the company of her own image staring back from the row of mirrors on the far wall. Seeing herself under the stark fluorescent lighting made her wince reflexively. She moved in for a closer look. Did her eyes really look so tired? Even if they did, she knew, as her fingers turned the faucet, there’d be no respite for at least the next few hours. There was still plenty of work to be done.   
  
The water felt numbingly cold against the heat of her skin. Just what she needed. She needed to cool down or at least shock her body back into its usual equilibrium. Tired eyes stared down at the hands hanging limply under the gushing tap. It was strangely mesmerizing, the constant movement, the fleeting embrace of liquid against skin, so very much like the continuous thrum in her head that she couldn’t still. She curled her fingers inwards and managed to catch some of the water for a brief moment but as it seeped away between the unseen gaps of her slender digits, she knew that, like the random thoughts running through her head, this was a futile attempt to contain something equally amorphous.    
  
She took a deep, steadying breath. If she couldn’t have resolution, then clarity was the next best thing for now. Cupping her palms together she drew another handful of water, this time bringing it up to her face, letting it envelop her senses. She kept her eyes closed as the water trailed down her cheeks, falling in erratic droplets into the sink. Her head still wasn’t completely clear but this was as close as she was going to get until shift was over. A cold shower would probably do the trick, she thought ruefully, but that’d be a little extreme, not to mention highly inappropriate.      
  
It wasn’t until the sound of running water had silenced into a few errant drips that she realized she wasn’t alone. Perhaps her senses were acute and perceptive by habit but she sensed... no,  _ knew _ there was someone standing behind her without even looking. The same way she was almost certain who that person was. She strained her ears to catch a sound, a clue, something to confirm she was right. Or wrong. It came in the form of the lightest rustle of fabric against fabric. The sound of someone shifting tentatively from one foot to the other.    
  
She was right.   
  
Slender fingers curled tightly round the smooth ceramic edge of the sink as she braced herself, eyes lowered, completely, pointlessly still. It wasn’t as if either of them could fade away by the force of her sheer willpower. Her grip tightened when the more distinct sound of footsteps against tile floor broke the silence. Were they going away or… The thought was barely complete in her mind when the answer came in the form of a pair of arms circling around her waist.    
  
She froze, her body jerking upright in reflex. How did they even get so close to her without her noticing?    
  
“Don’t...”    
  
The words came in a whisper, so fleetingly that she couldn’t tell who spoke them, if they were even actually spoken at all and yet, she was strangely compelled to obey. Warm hands traced their way wordlessly against her sides before tugging the edges of her shirt loose from the waist of her pants.    
  
_ Fuck. _   
  
Muscles contracted sharply, syncopating with the expletive in her head as a sudden chill hit the newly exposed skin of her belly.   
  
All this couldn’t be happening except, well, it clearly was.  Her eyes closed, blanking away the white of the porcelain surface for the moment. The hands, however, never faltered, relentless in their pursuit of bare skin. An involuntary gasp escaped her lips when they at last succeeded. The way those fingers floated across the strip of exposed skin hovered between touching and not touching. Nothing felt real anymore and, surely, it was just one of those fatigue-induced fantasies. Something so ephemeral couldn’t feel so good in reality. She wanted to say something, anything to break the spell, but all she could manage was a hiss, the sound a mixture of frustration, distraction and the inability to utter anything more intelligible.    
  
Fingers were now effortlessly separating the first button of her shirt from its buttonhole.     
  
_ This is insane. _ _   
_   
Every nerve in her body screamed that she should do something other than just stand clutching the sink while an unseen, unknown, possibly non-existent stranger undressed her. She still couldn’t trust her voice to work but she knew, from the line of tension running up her hamstring, at least some feeling had come back to her legs. That was a start. She took a tentative step backwards hoping to hit air and snap back into reality. Instead, she found herself roughly pressed forward, trapped solidly against the ceramic edge.    
  
“Stay,” the voice hissed before easing off the pressure.   
  
As if she had a choice. This new sensation of their two bodies flush against each other was making her legs wobbly again. She wasn’t sure which was preventing her from escaping her current situation – the strong hips that were boldly thrust against her back, the pair of hands flitting expertly, ever upwards, across fabric and skin, or her own body’s uncontrollable reaction to the way they fitted so well together.     
  
The next button popped open with equal ease.   
  
Fingers traced briefly across her torso and caused her to draw another sharp breath, the dilemma of her situation fading momentarily. If she wasn’t going to stop this, she should at least know for sure who her captor was. It was so easy. She just had to lift her head and look into the mirror.    
  
She couldn’t. Her eyes remained firmly glued on the off-white ceramic fixtures of the sink. Was it because she knew who it was or was she afraid of finding out it wasn’t who she wanted it to be?      
  
Goosebumps peppered across a good portion of her exposed torso as a draft blew across newly exposed skin. The implication was clear, the cool air clearing her head back to reality. She was rapidly running out of time and buttons.   
  
_ Must. Stop. Right. Now. _ _   
_   
She closed her eyes and steeled herself to push away but before she could, the hands stopped moving upwards, pausing on cue as if they’d read her mind. The last breath that she drew sat suspended for the few seconds that nothing happened before escaping in a whimper as she discovered belatedly that the hands hadn’t been idle at all. They had surreptitiously gathered fistfuls of shirt which were, at that moment, being jerked apart sharply.   
  
There was nothing to lose now by confronting her victor since she was well and truly slain. Her eyelids fluttered open before the sound of pattering plastic completely faded away. Blue eyes roved eagerly for that first glimpse before narrowing in confusion as they took in the sudden change in scenery. She leaned back slightly only to be disappointed as she met the lifeless back of a chair.    
  
_ Where the hell did the bathroom go? _ Catherine pondered, as the fog in her head slowly dissipated. She reached automatically for the placket of her shirt and found it, unsurprisingly, intact. It had felt real enough two seconds ago. As real as the office she was in, the desk in front of her and the steam rising from the mug of coffee being placed on the desk.    
  
Coffee?    
  
Reality and realisation, like the bitter aroma, permeated her senses rapidly. Firstly, it had all just been a flight of imagination into erotic fancy and second, she wasn’t alone in the room anymore. Her automatic reaction was to pull the hand on her chest away quickly even though she knew that its presence couldn’t possibly betray anything illicit. The whole thing may have just happened in her head but the flush of heat, both on her face and further down, was very real. Catherine straightened up in her seat and reached for the mug, grateful for some kind of distraction and at the same time hoping that she didn’t look as embarrassed as she felt.     
  
“I took a detour for some coffee,” her benefactor explained needlessly.   
  
Catherine nodded a thank-you, still not quite trusting her voice to work, as she took a sip. She stopped suddenly after the first mouthful and regarded the drink in surprise.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Sara asked, dark brows furrowing instantly.   
  
“There’s no sugar in this coffee.”    
  
It was as much a statement as a question. The brows relaxed instantly into its former position.    
  
“No, that’s the artificial stuff. One packet minus,  _ this… _ ” Sara indicated by holding her thumb and forefinger slightly apart, “…much.”    
  
It was a statement of fact, pure and simple, as if it was completely natural for Sara to know exactly how she took her coffee. Catherine took another sip and yes, it was just right. The right kind of sweetener in the right amount.    
  
_ How did that happen?  _ _   
_   
The bottom of the mug hit the table a little harder than she meant it to, causing a wayward droplet to slop onto the desk. It didn’t matter. It was mere coincidence and working the graveyard shift. Everyone had an unhealthy obsession with coffee and Sara must have accidentally stumbled on hers. Anyway, the caffeine was starting to clear her head and she didn’t have time to be impressed by something as insignificant as Nutrasweet in her coffee. In fact, that little lapse of concentration just reminded her that there was an unpleasant task to take care of.    
  
One distinctly unpleasant task that she wasn’t looking forward to at all.    
  
_ Of course.  _ __   
  
That was the reason why she... Catherine hastily corrected herself … Sara had been distracted all evening. The stress of work and the emotional strain of the day was catching up with her. No matter. Everything would return to normal soon enough. Right now, they had to focus on the work at hand.    
  
“So, what did you want to show me?”    
  
Sara allowed herself a subtle smile. Not only could she tell that Catherine was impressed, it was clear to her that the older CSI was making an effort not to show it. And this was right on the back of walking in on what she swore was Catherine in a daydream. From the flush on Catherine’s face, it had been an interesting one until something had pulled her back to reality. Sara had waited at the door until Catherine had regained her bearings before announcing her presence. Things were complicated enough as it is without any more awkwardness.    
  
“This…”   
  
What she really wanted to know, Sara mused as she opened a folder to the appropriate page and handed it over, was what caused that tiny whimper followed by a sharp intake of breath that preceded the flush and return to clarity. And the way Catherine pulled her hand away from her chest, almost in a guilty fashion… Yes, whatever it was, Sara had a feeling she would very much like to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't sure if I could get away with this two chapters in a row so I am running for cover *duck*


	24. Chapter 24

“Okay, what’ve we got so far?”   
  
Sara didn’t even have to look at the folder in front of her again before answering. She’d looked at it enough times over the course of the evening.   
  
“One hundred fifty eight calls over the six months prior to his arrest, each one an average of three minutes long.”   
  
Catherine frowned slightly as she mentally worked out the math. They’d been at this, compiling, counting, checking, almost the entire shift and the task was as painstakingly slow as it was tedious. By this point, her good nature, whatever meagre amount there was to begin with, was running low. Her reply was tinged with more than a hint of exasperation.   
  
“That makes it almost two calls a day. You sure?”   
  
The brunette contemplated the mildly sceptical tone for a few seconds before sliding the folder across the desk.   
  
“Would you like to check my math?”    
  
They were both tired and on edge, Catherine decided, so she ignored the folder and the screw-yous that would almost certainly come with it. She turned her attention to the piece of paper she was writing on instead. The pen in her hand drummed a steady rhythm against its surface as she thought aloud.   
  
“So, two calls a day. Most of them local but look at all these other places he’s called them from… San Diego, Denver, even Chicago. A couple of weeks at a stretch for each one.  Why not find someone local? Why all these long distance calls?”    
  
Something about the names on that list rang a bell. An idea was beginning to form in Sara’s head.   
  
“Maybe it’s not a matter of choice...”   
  
The drumming stopped mid-tempo.   
  
“What are you thinking?”   
  
“You know those missing persons they couldn’t close? The ones they didn’t have enough evidence to hold him on…weren’t a couple of them from out of state?”   
  
Even though fuzzy with fatigue, it only took an instant for Catherine to see where Sara was going with to that line of thought. She perked up and started flipping through a pile of folders, quickly finding the one she was looking for.    
  
“Let’s see if the dates tally up…”   
  
It didn’t take long for them to discover that they did and Sara’s hunch was three for three so far. Each of the investigations was within a few days of a sequence of phone calls but each and every time, they’d lacked the evidence to hold him or make an arrest. Catherine stopped at one and stared for a few seconds before going back a few pages.   
  
“He used a public defender all three times. Why did he do that when he was on the phone with his attorneys twice a day?”    
  
Sara held up a finger.  “We’re still assuming that they’re his attorneys in the first place. That would explain all those phone calls but we don’t know that yet for sure. Besides, explain how an out-of-work computer hack can afford to retain one of the most expensive attorneys in town for the past two weeks, let alone six whole months?”    
  
“That’s too many calls to be a coinci-”    
  
The phone interrupted before Catherine could finish.   
  
“Willows…hey Jim, just the man I need…”        
  
Sara shifted her attention back to the work in front of her, half listening in on Catherine bringing Brass up to speed on what they’d found so far. From the way the conversation was going, it sounded like he wasn’t convinced they had a valid lead.      
  
“No… I know we won’t get…yes, but all we need right now is to confirm Daniel Avery was a client before the charges were brought up…” Catherine paused to let Brass say something. “…I know it’s a long shot but…right… okay, thanks.”    
  
Catherine replaced the receiver and chewed her lip. It was obvious that she was mulling over her conversation with Brass. Sara noticed the silence and looked up from the file she was working on.   
  
“He’s right, you know. They’re just going to hide behind some confidentiality clause and...”

 

She trailed off when she noticed the frown on Catherine’s face. The last thing either of them needed was for something she said to be taken as yet another reason to start fighting again.

  
She waited until the lines on Catherine’s brow lightened before continuing, “Look, that was the first thing came to my mind but it’s worth a try. Never hurts to rattle the cage and see if something interesting falls out.”    
  
Catherine tilted her head as she decided if Sara was being sincere. Just noticing it left an uneasy knot in her chest. Since when had it come to this? Questions and suspicions? Maybe, a small voice of conscience prodded, it was because of what she was about to do.    
  
_ Which is nothing more than my job.  _ _   
_   
She silenced the thought, pushing it out of the way.   
  
“We’ll find out in the morning,” Catherine looked at her watch before correcting herself, “…later in the morning.” The shift was officially over five minutes ago. She arched her back with a groan of relief. “I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to getting out of this place before the phone starts ringing again.”    
  
_ Except you can’t because you have that little talk to take care of remember? _   
  
An annoying voice in her head jumped up and down for attention. It was enough to draw a sigh and reminded her that it was annoying but unfortunately, also right.   
  
For once, Sara was grateful for the escape from work and, more specifically, from Catherine. Not a word had been said about what had happened the previous night so far but the tension was still in the air, just waiting to snap now that the distraction of work was out of the way. Well, she wasn’t going to wait around for that to happen, nor was she going to bring the topic up, no matter what Alex said. Sara stood up and started clearing up files into a stack, trying to ignore the fact that although she apparently couldn’t wait to leave, Catherine wasn’t making any effort to do so. In fact she looked almost nervous and it wasn’t boding well. The look she had on her face made Sara cringe. She looked as if she’d just remembered something unpleasant.     
  
“There is just one more thing…”    
  
Sara was caught. Her hands froze in the middle of what they were doing. She had no choice but to wait for Catherine to continue. She didn’t, not immediately. Seeing the brunette tower over her was making an unpleasant task even more difficult so she gestured toward the chair.   
  
“Why don’t you sit down …”    
  
The tone of Catherine’s voice hinted that Sara wasn’t going to like what she was about to hear either way, but since it was likely to get it over with more quickly if she complied, she sat back down and waited silently for the older woman to continue.      
  
“I think you need to take a break from work.”   
  
That wasn’t what she’d expected. Just last night she had gotten her ass chewed off for not turning up at work and all of a sudden Catherine was concerned about her working too hard?     
  
“I was thinking of checking in with Archie on the way out but I wasn’t planning on pulling any overtime if that’s what-”    
  
“I meant…” Catherine stopped her before she could finish, “…take some time off. A couple of vacation days.”   
  
Definitely not what she’d expected.    
  
“Why would I want to do that?”  Sara said, her voice oddly calm, considering it was becoming clear what Catherine was implying.   
  
Catherine looked at Sara for a moment, considering the best way to answer the question that wouldn’t start an argument. There wasn’t one, not even dismissing the topic. She’d jostled the hornets’ nest and she had to finish what she started.   
  
“You seem a little distracted lately. Maybe some time off to clear your head would do you some good.” Catherine paused before continuing with more deliberate emphasis on her words, “…would do  __ all of us a great deal of good.”   
  
There, she’d said it. She expected the silence that followed her words to be akin to the moment in time between pressing the detonator and the bomb going off. To her surprise, the silence just stretched on. No violent protests, no sarcastic comebacks, no reaction of any sort other than pensive silence.    
  
“You can wait till Grissom comes back in the next couple of days but I’m sure that after he reads the reports, he’ll just suggest the same thing.”   
  
Somehow that didn’t come out right but Catherine wasn’t sure how to deal with this situation beyond keeping the awkwardness out of her voice. Little did she know that just beneath the silence raged the remnants of a mental battle within Sara that vacillated between heart and head. That last remark of Catherine’s settled the argument.    
  
Sara stood up and rounded the desk leisurely, stopping just in front of Catherine. As the older woman watched, bewildered, she searched her pockets clearly looking for something. She was apparently unsuccessful because she stopped searching and looked Catherine in the eye.   
  
Her voice was casual, almost detached when she finally spoke. “Do you have a quarter?”   
  
Catherine was totally confused by now. “A quarter?”   
  
This time, there was significantly less detachment and more purpose when Sara answered.    
  
“Yeah, a quarter. I’ll flip, you call. Loser has to take the time off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mundane work stuff but a means to the end.


	25. Chapter 25

Catherine stared at Sara, confusion rapidly turning into indignance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”    
  
Sara lifted an eyebrow. “If that’s going to be the new policy for handing out time off, I think you need to take some yourself.”   
  
There was no antagonism in her voice, just the cool, calm certainty that she was merely stating a fact. It was disconcerting. Since when had Sara become so arrogant in her judgement of Catherine?    
  
“I don’t know where that came from but you need to take some time and think about what I said. Just remember we’re not talking about me here.” Catherine made sure her reply carried just enough of an edge to convey that even though she didn’t want to start an argument, the matter wasn’t up for discussion.   
  
Ten minutes ago, Sara would have taken the out but Catherine had pushed her over the limit this time. This long-drawn tension between them was going to be cleared up once and for all. To hell with the consequences.    
  
“Why not? We’ve talked about me for the past two days. Let’s talk about you instead.”    
  
Again, there wasn’t even a hint of hesitation. Catherine may not have wanted the argument but apparently Sara did. This was turning out to be a bad idea. She should’ve just waited, fessed up about the whole incident and left it to Grissom to deal with the situation when he got back.    
  
“You want to think it’s all about me?” Sara continued when Catherine stayed silent, her voice low and steady, her gaze holding firm. “Fine, go right ahead, but we both know that I’m not the only one who needs to face the facts.”   
  
Yes, hindsight was such a wonderful thing, wasn’t it?    
  
Getting a few raised eyebrows from Gil would have been worth avoiding this whole conversation and the dangerous territory it was heading towards. It was a little too late to be philosophical but if she played her cards right, Catherine could still just about regain control of the situation which had veered off on a tangent. It had all been so straightforward in her head. She would bring up the topic and hope optimistically for silent agreement from the younger woman. If that didn’t happen, Catherine was prepared for the shouting contest that would have almost certainly ensued. What she had not anticipated was this unnaturally calm, almost clinical dissection of her authority.    
  
“You’re missing the…”  Catherine started to speak but Sara cut in before she could finish.   
  
“No, I’m not. The point is you’re sitting there telling me that I need to go away until I figure out this problem that you say I have when you should be pointing some of that insight on yourself. That is if playing boss for a few days hasn’t made you forget that you’re still human.”           
  
Something finally snapped.    
  
A reflex borne of pride and habit kicked in. Sara was questioning her authority. Her professionalism. And that was unacceptable. It may have been ego but no one, absolutely no one, questioned her work ethics. She wanted a fight? Okay, she was going to get one.     
  
“Fine, you want to do it this way?” Catherine pushed the chair away, bringing herself nose to nose with the brunette, “…then refresh my memory, what were you doing last night when the rest of us were working our asses off? No wait, you were too drunk to remember, right?”   
  
It was a cheap shot but it worked. Catherine saw a hint of hesitation pass fleetingly on Sara’s face and pressed her advantage.   
  
“And how about tonight? You don’t think it was obvious how you were totally out of the loop when I walked in just now? You were so distracted that you couldn’t even have a simple conversation with me. How can I expect you to focus on work?” The words rolled off her tongue as easily as the deliberate sarcasm in her voice.     
  
Somehow the same candour didn’t work as well the second time. Her voice was unwavering when Sara answered. “You mean as distracted as you were? I was standing at the door for a good five minutes before you even knew I was in the room.”      
  
Catherine almost blurted out “you were watching me?” but stopped herself just in time.   
  
“You really shouldn’t be thinking of things like that at work.” Sara regained her advantage with a leering voice.    
  
The remark would have been flippant, if it were not true. It was a good thing Catherine was an expert in keeping a neutral expression. “Don’t flatter yourself, Sidle.”   
  
The pair of eyes that had never left her face came a step closer. Catherine had to force herself not to blink.   
  
“Try convincing yourself first.”   
  
If either of them moved at that moment, Catherine was sure the air would crackle. Literally. She couldn’t be sure if she whispered or shouted out the next words.    
  
“Now who’s in denial?”    
  
They were inches apart, close enough for Sara to be momentarily distracted by Catherine’s breath punctuating the end of the question. The older woman took the silence as an opportunity to make one last desperate attempt to swing the metronome of control back into her hands.   
  
“I’ve said this before and seeing that you’ve obviously forgotten, I’ll say it one more time. There’s nothing between us. I don’t feel anything for you.”    
  
Her voice which sounded firm and decisive in her head wavered in reality and Sara reacted, her next words slipping easily out of her mouth.    
  
“Then you should feel nothing when I do this…”    
  
Without giving the other woman a chance to respond, Sara cupped her hands around Catherine’s face and drew it towards her own, letting their lips meet forcefully. Caught off guard, Catherine stumbled backwards, her body hitting solidly against the desk. Sara reacted as she sensed her opportunity for a further advantage and closed the gap between them until she sidled herself up against the warm firm body. All of this must have happened in a matter of seconds but it felt like both a moment and forever. The touch, the taste, the smell of Catherine made everything else irrelevant. Whether the lips beneath hers were pliable from shock or acquiesce, Sara didn’t really care at that moment. Confident that her weight would be able to keep the body in front of her in place, she slipped her hands downwards until they met at the small of Catherine’s back.   
  
This was so much more than what she’d imagined in her wildest fantasies. How could a body be real and yet so indefinable at the same time? It was like trying to catch hold of flowing water, she thought, as her hands ran greedily along the contours of muscle that ran just beneath the material of the shirt. Revelling in their newfound freedom, her hands grew bolder and more intimate. The last lucid thought in Sara’s head was that if she was going to screw up, she was determined to go all the way.    
  
Still shocked, Catherine was vaguely aware that something felt supremely familiar in the way those hands moved and felt against her body. The moment Sara’s hands slipped under the hem of her shirt, it all clicked. This was exactly like in her fantasy. The fingers, the fleeting touches, the firm strength holding her against the desk, her own hitched breath and yes, even down to that familiar stirring in her belly, all of which not only felt right but was actually better since it was real this time.   
  
_ It feels right? This isn’t supposed to feel right. _ _   
_   
Panic-tinged lucidity gradually edged her out of the stupor and to her dismay, Catherine realised what a vulnerable position she had ended up in. Every muscle in her body tensed up in reflex but Sara was already too caught up in the heat of the moment to notice. Those lips and hands continued to explore daringly, prodding harder and further with each passing second. It wasn’t until the hands started to skim the waistband of her pants that the full implication of what was about to happen, if she didn’t stop things right there and then, hit her.    
  
“Sar-”   
  
Her attempted protest backfired as all it did was allow an exquisitely able tongue to work its way into her mouth. Catherine relented immediately. She couldn’t help herself. She groaned and the hand that was exploring her waist immediately took it as encouragement to drift upwards. She barely suppressed another gasp as the same hand worked its way downwards again, this time brushing lightly over her belly button on the way. Catherine swallowed hard. That same, now familiar thought started running through her head again.      
  
__ I need to stop this right now. I…   
  
Her train of thought fell apart in a whimper when nimble fingers suddenly dipped beneath the edge of the fabric.    
  
Instinct and primal reflex overtook conscious thought and Catherine pushed her lower body forward, grinding it against Sara’s hips. The sudden movement caught Sara off guard and she stumbled back a step. That brief break of intimate contact was like a touching a live wire and their bodies flew apart instantly. A moment of silence passed as both women could do nothing more than stare at each other in vague horror, as their minds raced to reach a level of lucidity needed for speech and movement.   
  
Catherine won and her response, when it came, was hard and fast. Sara heard the sound of Catherine’s hand connecting with her cheek and waited to feel the burning sting that should have followed. It didn’t come. It should have at least stung, shouldn’t it? It was real enough to make her to reach for the edge of the desk to keep her balance, but other than that she felt nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! *and runs for cover*


	26. Chapter 26

It wasn’t nothing after all. Merely delayed, like a time-bomb which exploded spectacularly after the last remnant of shock finally trickled away. She barely had time to pull over and stumble out of the car before the first wave of nausea wracked through her body. Her feet moved out of the way just in time. It was a good minute later before the convulsions and coughing stopped. Sara was grateful that the noise of passing traffic drowned out the sound of her weakness, her shame, as she tried to pull herself together.  
  
 _Slow breaths. Slow deep breaths._ _  
_  
It worked. Some modicum of control or at least a sense of reality was gradually returning. Not trusting her legs to remain steady, she leaned against the side of the car and drew another deep breath before straightening herself up.  It was a foul, polluted breath but clarifying nonetheless. This time lucidity was not a good thing. With the numbness gone and nausea stemmed, the horror of what she had done came back in painful clarity along with the soreness on her cheek and the chilling disgust of Catherine’s voice.  
  
“Come near me like that again and you’ll be out of here so fast they’ll be scraping what’s left of your ass off the sidewalk.”     
  
“Cath-”  
  
Sara had started to take a step forward but was stopped by a raised hand and a low warning tone.  
  
“Get out or the next words out of my mouth will be ‘sexual harassment’.”  
  
Perhaps it was the sound of the words ringing in her ears, or the light, sound and fumes that were flashing past her in a blur, but whatever the cause, her stomach began to roil anew. Another spasm hit hard and this time she doubled over, clutching her middle and bracing herself against the smell of the sourness and bile filling her nostrils and mouth before colliding against the gravel. She wasn’t sure how long it was before she pulled herself upright again but Sara was sure that if she retched just one more time, some part of her insides would follow.   
  
She had to get back into the car before she came apart again.   
  
Deciding that slow and gentle would just prolong the ordeal, she pushed herself to her feet and clambered back into the car in one quick move without stopping to think. The sudden movement threatened a fresh wave of nausea but Sara forced herself to concentrate on the sound of the radio, the steering wheel, the road ahead…anything but the urge to throw up again. The sick feeling lingered but Sara ignored it as pushed the car back into gear.  It was a good thing, she thought grimly, easing the car back into the flow of traffic, that she could almost get to where she wanted to go with her eyes closed.   
  
*************************************  
  
Alex stirred. Somewhere in her sleepy mind she had thought she heard noises nearby. Footsteps and maybe a door opening? She reached over to her right instinctively, only remembering that she was alone when her arm hit an empty space on the bed. Was it still that early in the morning? It took a few seconds for her to lift her head slightly and locate the alarm clock only to find that when she did, the display was an indistinct smear of red. Alex groaned and tried, briefly, to recall the last place she put her glasses before giving up and letting her head fall back onto the pillow. It was probably her imagination. It was some ungodly hour in the morning and the sound, if it had been there in the first place, was gone. Keeping her eyes closed, she listened intently for another moment.   
  
Nothing but silence.   
  
Alex let herself relax with a comfortable sigh, all curiosity about the sound and what time it was dissipating rapidly. As if it was timed to perfection, a loud thud rang out just as she was about to drift back to sleep and this time it was real enough to shock her into an upright position by reflex. This was definitely not her imagination. It would take too long to find her glasses so she scooted over to the other side of the bed. The numbers on the clock told her that, technically, it was possible that the sound was Sara coming home but before she could convince herself that was all it was, another loud sound echoed through the apartment, this time a more ominous sounding bang.   
  
_What the…_ __  
  
Even if was Sara, something wasn’t right. Alex stepped quietly into the hallway and headed for the living room. It was empty, but judging from the pile of keys and wallet that were tossed casually on the kitchen counter, Sara was home. Something else caught her eye that made her frown.  
  
An open bottle of Jack and an empty shot glass. The mystery was solved.  
  
Alex sighed and padded across the room to where the noise must have come from earlier. The bathroom door wasn’t fully closed so she pushed it open without knocking. Sara had her back to Alex but from the way she was bent over and breathing heavily, she had a pretty good idea what was going on.   
  
“Sar?” Alex said softly, not wanting to startle her.  
  
The brunette did not answer but Alex knew that she had heard her. Sara paused a moment then started to straighten herself up. She wavered momentarily as if she were about to lose her balance. Alex rapidly closed the gap between them but before she could reach her friend, Sara turned and brushed silently past her.  
  
“What’s going on?”  
  
Sara ignored the question as she crossed the room pausing just long enough to peel off her jacket, letting it fall onto a nearby chair. She continued to ignore Alex and headed in the direction of the bedroom. Then she changed her mind and turned towards the kitchen instead. Alex followed, now fully awake and increasingly concerned as Sara stopped in front of the counter and picked up the empty glass.   
  
“What’s going on, Sara?” she asked again, this time with more steel in her voice. It was increasingly like watching a pantomime and she was the invisible audience.  
  
Sara stood silently contemplating the glass and the bottle, but just before Alex repeated her question yet again, she finally answered in a dull voice.  
  
“Go back to bed, Alex.”  
  
She should have been relieved that Sara finally acknowledged her presence but instinct and frustration pulled the next words from her mouth.  
  
“Why? So that you can drink yourself stupid until you pass out again?”  
  
The look on Sara’s face the moment she spoke frightened her. Not because it was one of anger but because it was one of utter resignation and despair. Her answer came even quieter than before.  
  
“Just leave me alone. I have a lot more screwing up to do.”   
  
Sara stopped fiddling with the glass and made a move to reach for the open bottle.  
  
“You haven’t screwed up but this…” Alex moved a little quicker and picked up the bottle before the brunette reached it, “…isn’t the solution. You can’t keep trying to…”  
  
Sara raised an eyebrow and replaced the glass on the countertop.  
  
“…drink away my problems? Let me guess, I should talk about what’s inside. Let it out, right?”  
  
Before Alex could even open her mouth, Sara answered, her voice bitter and hard. “I tried that Alex. I tried talking and you know what? Passing out drunk is less painful. You should try it sometime.”   
  
Sara pushed herself away from the counter, snatching the bottle out of Alex’s grasp as she made her way back out into the living room. It didn’t take a genius to guess that something must have happened between her friend and a certain blonde colleague but she was quickly remembering that, when it came to Sara, it didn’t pay to just guess.    
  
Alex followed, her concern building like the knot in her stomach.   
  
“I can’t help if you won’t tell me what happened and I want to listen and I want to help. After that, you can tell me to go to hell.” Her voice was soft but firm and completely serious. At first, it seemed as if she hadn’t spoken at all but the brunette finally stopped walking away and turned around. She let the bottle slip from her grasp onto the coffee table, landing with a soft thud.   
  
“You want to help?”  
  
Alex nodded silently.  
  
“Then hand me that glass…”  
  
Sara shrugged at the frown of disapproval on Alex's face and padded her way back across to the kitchen. The blonde watched helplessly, knowing that it would be futile trying to stop her. She contemplated stealing the bottle away before Sara got back to it but decided the whole scenario could quickly turn into pointless farce. Worst case scenario, she would leave and Alex could be dragging her home from another bar in a few hours, if she even knew where to look this time.   
  
Alex sighed as she walked away from the kitchen counter.   
  
“Are you sure you don’t want one?”  
  
She chose to ignore the question and victorious smirk on Sara’s face and curled up against one end of the couch instead. The brunette lowered herself down into the other, tumbler in hand.   
  
“Will you tell me what’s wrong now?”  
  
“Everything’s fine,” Sara replied on cue.   
  
Alex knew that was a blatant lie and gave her the look. Sara just flashed a defiant grin as she rested the mouth of the bottle against the glass and tipped her wrist. Alex didn’t want to resort to threats and ultimatums but she knew, as she watched the amber liquid rapidly approach the brim of the glass, that she was running out of options.  
  
“Talk to me Sara. Don’t make me call her.”   
  
The reaction was instant. The pouring stopped and bottle returned to its upright position with a soft thud. She finally had Sara’s full attention. Or so it seemed until the brunette stretched across the other seat and picked up her jacket. If the idea of stealing away a bottle of whisky was childish, the imagery of barricading the front door was downright comical. Alex had the next few seconds to decide if she would feel more ridiculous being comical or following Sara out of the apartment in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and boxers.  
  
She should really stick to analysing serial killers and psychopaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath and Alex to the rescue again!


	27. Chapter 27

The small plastic device landed softly on her lap. Alex stared at it in surprise. She hadn’t expected Sara to call her bluff.   
  
“Go ahead.”   
  
Sara leaned back into the couch and closed her eyes leaving Alex to contemplate her next move. Persuasion hadn’t worked and neither had threats. It was back to the basic principle of trying and trying again. Alex moved the phone out of the way and scooted closer.  
  
“I could call but I don’t really want to hear her version of what happened. I want yours.”  
  
The woman was persistent. At least Alex was interested in listening and it sure as hell was a better alternative than turning her stomach inside out in worry and fear.  
  
“I screwed up.”   
  
Alex waited for her to continue but Sara apparently needed some prodding. “You screwed up…?”  
  
Sara stared at her for a moment before replying. “I screwed up again?”  
  
Alex sighed in exasperation. “How about we try the longer version this time?”  
  
“Okay. I screwed up and when you get on that plane back to New York? Maybe I’ll go with you.”   
  
“What?”  
  
That was completely out of left field.  
  
“I’m thinking a fresh start would be good right now.”  
  
Alex shook her head rapidly and frowned. “Hang on a second, you need to tell me exactly what’s going and this time, I want the unabridged version. From the beginning.”  
  
“Unabridged? Hmm, let's see...we talked and she reminded me yet again that I was incompetent. I told her to step off. She yelled a little. I yelled back. She shoved her face at me. I kissed her. She slapped me…”  
  
“Whoa…back up there. You did what?!”   
  
“I kissed her.” Sara smiled bitterly at the slack-jawed surprise on Alex’s face. “Pressed my lips against hers. You know, like what happens when you make out?”  
  
Surprise turned into an exasperated sigh. “Believe me, I know what a kiss is but she slapped you?”  
  
“And threatened to charge me with sexual harassment.”  
  
“God Sara, what did you do?”  
  
“Thank you for that vote of confidence Alex. It means so much to me that you’re on my side,” Sara snapped back sarcastically.  
  
“Look, I know you and if memory serves, your kiss isn’t usually a reason for threats and a violent reaction.” Alex could have sworn that Sara actually blushed. She took it as a sign to prod a little further. “I am on your side but what you just told me doesn’t make sense. If you kissed her, you shouldn’t be back here this early. If you know what I mean...”  
  
“Alex…”  
  
“Hey, I’m just going by what you’re telling me here. Is there more?”  
  
“Maybe it was a little more than a kiss and I caught her off-guard…” The slight hesitation in her reply ruined her attempt at indifference.   
  
“But the unexpected ones are the best; especially if they come attached with the promise of something more. Unless you’ve been slacking…”  
  
“Alex…”  
  
“I know, I know…” The smile grew serious as Alex softened her voice, “…so you’re going to talk to her about this tonight, right?”   
  
“Maybe you didn’t hear me but she blew me off. Threatened to make this into a police case.”  
  
“And your point is?”  
  
“It was in the heat of the moment but I screwed up Alex. I. Screwed. Up. There doesn’t have to be a point.”  
  
“So you’re just going to give up and run away?”    
  
“It’s not running away…”  
  
An old but familiar feeling came rushing back. It was deja-vu for her but Alex was sure Sara wouldn’t remember having this conversation before. She snorted sarcastically.  
  
“Hit an obstacle and you’re high-tailing it out of here.”   
  
“What?!”  
  
“You heard me. Nothing is supposed to rattle you and when something does, you do the one thing you’re good at and hightail it out of the scene.”    
  
“What are you saying?”  
  
The conversation was suddenly going off on an unexpected tangent.   
  
“You heard me…”  
  
There was an unmistakable challenge in Alex’s voice.   
  
“What do you want from me, Alex?”  
  
“Me? Oh no, I’ve stopped wanting anything from you a long time ago.”  
  
Sara was a little confused. It was as if Alex was deliberately provoking her but she didn’t feel like thinking or analysing right now. She lashed back instinctively.   
  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Do you even know what it feels like to screw up something that means more than just a one night stand? Oh that’s right, you don’t….”  
  
“Don’t go there Sara…”  
  
“What? Hitting a little too close to home for comfort? Tell me Alex, when was the last time you stayed and felt something that was worth fighting for?”  
  
A deathly silence fell between them.  
  
“Do you really want to know?”   
  
“Try me…”  
  
“You think four years is hard? Try fifteen…”  
  
Alex saw the silent confusion on Sara’s face but she had said too much to stop now. She took a breath and continued quietly.  
  
“Fifteen years of screwing up and trying to find a replacement. And do you know what happens when you finally realise there isn’t one? You stop feeling and one body becomes just a replacement for the last one.”  
  
The silence was so thick both women felt it suspending them in space.   
  
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Sara whispered.  
  
“Did you really think the other night was just an accident?” Alex answered softly before turning away, a blush colouring her cheeks.  
  
Dark hazel eyes finally widened in understanding but Alex stopped her before she could speak.  
  
“Please Sara. Don’t…”  
  
“But we need to talk about this...”  
  
Alex shook her head. “No we don't. That’s water under the bridge. The past. Right now, you have to deal with the present.” Alex brushed Sara's cheek. “Before it becomes a past you’ll regret.” Her voice softened pensively. “I've learned that it's never worth the compromise if it hurts. You're screwed either way and it's eventually easier to just feel good and be able to look yourself in the eye.”   
  
“They pay you for saying stuff like that?” Sara gave her a tired smile.   
  
“Well, you’re not paying me are you?” Alex smiled in return, stifling a yawn. “Besides, it’s still a little early in the morning.”  
  
Sara glanced at the clock on the wall before reaching a hand out to the blonde.  
  
“It is still early. Why don’t we go back to bed?”  
  
Alex looked surprised, her face flushed again. Sara stared for a moment, enjoying the rare sight before finally letting her friend off the hook.  
  
“Sleep, Alex. Sleep. I think we both need some rest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conversations and revelations. What's not to like, eh? :)


	28. Chapter 28

Catherine pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to ease the growing ache behind her eyes. She should have left when she still had the chance but she knew that work was the only distraction keeping her thoughts and feelings from spiralling out of control.   
  
_Damn you Sara Sidle._  
  
“Any chance that these have been manipulated or edited?”   
  
Archie shook his head. “No. They’re all clean Besides, I thought you already had bodies to match this evidence...”  
  
“Still doesn’t stop me from hoping that this is just sick fiction,” Catherine muttered as she continued to flip through the pictures.  
  
“We just process and follow where the evidence takes us.” Archie shrugged casually.    
  
Perhaps it was just emotional strain misdirected but Catherine snapped off a terse response. “Another member of the Gil Grissom fan club?” The young lab tech immediately turned red and Catherine held a hand up in apology. “It’s just been that kind of a night… So, how many of these videos do we have?”   
  
“I found half a dozen and each one is a match for a known victim.”  
  
Catherine frowned and scanned the photos again. “We’ve identified seven children so far, so there’s one missing…”  
  
Archie nodded. “Alison Keely. She got lucky.”  
  
“No Archie, I saw the coroner’s report and she didn’t. So, why is she missing?”  
  
Archie shrugged helplessly. “I’ve been through the material twice and this is all I’ve got.”   
  
“He couldn’t have done all this by himself. Tell me who’s next up the food chain?”  
  
“Not who. What. The host for his website and they specialize in…”  
  
“Let me guess… adult entertainment?” Catherine cut in.   
  
Archie nodded before handing over a loose sheet of paper.  
  
“Speciality adult entertainment, including kiddy porn. And they’re local.”  
  
He watched as her eyes ran over the printout. “That enough for a warrant?” His voice was hopeful.  
  
“A warrant, a brand new crime scene and another double.” Catherine nodded grimly, wincing as she got to her feet.   
  
“She left you holding the fort, huh?”    
  
Catherine gave him a questioning glance that made him nervous.   
  
“Sara’s with you on this case right? I didn’t think she ever said ‘no’ to overtime.”  
  
Another withering look had Archie shrinking into his chair. He knew he should have shut up right from the start. Fortunately for him, Catherine didn't have the energy for anything more.  
  
“Can you go through that drive one more time and make sure that we haven’t missed anything? I’ve got a couple of phone calls to make.”  
  
The young man nodded, relieved to have escaped, and quickly left the room. Archie didn’t know why but knew he wanted to be somewhere else when those calls were made.  
  
*************************  
  
It had started as a soft buzzing in her ear. Alex snuggled a little deeper into the pillow, expecting it to go away like all figments of a sleepy mind did.  
  
This one didn’t.  
  
In fact, the intrusion persisted so she forced her eyes open a crack.  
  
Big mistake.   
  
The sound exploded immediately into a loud repetitive shriek. It was Sara’s cellphone. Alex groaned as she wrapped the pillow around her head, hoping that the sound would disappear but the ringing, though muted, droned on.    
  
Should she answer? Or perhaps she should just wake…  
  
The shrieking stopped.   
  
Alex smiled into the pillow, grateful for the return of silence once again.    
  
 _Who calls at this hour of the morning, anyway?_ _  
_  
She closed her eyes, trying to slip back into the slumber from which she had been roused. As if on cue, the phone started ringing again. Alex squinted sleepily in her sleeping friend’s direction. She hoped that the noise would rouse Sara this time.  
  
Fat chance.  
  
Sara was completely oblivious to the increasingly annoying sound and still as fast asleep as ever. This time she wrapped the pillow _and_ comforter over her head until the sound finally stopped. It was when the wailing started yet again that Alex sighed and groped for the phone to put both it and her out of their misery.  
  
 _So much for workaholic instincts and a razor sharp reflex._ _  
_  
“Hello?” She mumbled, voice scratchy with sleep.  
  
This had better be good.  
  
************************  
  
“Sara?”   
  
Catherine frowned, wondering for a moment if she had dialled a wrong number. She’d sat, contemplating what to say to the brunette, for the last fifteen minutes. In her mind, she was prepared for hurt, remorse, anger and even silence. She even had a half-formed apology ready. Sara may have over-stepped the lines of propriety but Catherine wasn’t a complete innocent in the incident either.   
  
_Incident._ _  
_  
She groaned inwardly at her choice of words.  
  
_Grow up Willows and call it for what it is - a kiss. And it had two willing participants, even if only for a brief moment._  
  
There was some fumbling and static as the phone sounded like it was dropped on something soft and the resultant rustle of bodies against bedclothes before the person spoke, away from the receiver.  
  
“Sar, it’s for you.”     
  
The voice was a little more coherent this time and Catherine recognised it as Alex’s but, from the lack of a reply, it sounded as if Sara was still asleep. More rustling and groaning ensued. The wheels in Catherine’s head were spinning as she listened.  
  
 _Sara was asleep…_ _  
_  
“Sar, wake up, it's your phone…”  
  
 _And in bed with..._ __  
  
“Hello?” Sara’s sleepy voice finally came on the line.  
  
Whatever niceties she had planned, any ideas of an apology she had in mind were all but gone. To think that she had even considered taking Sara’s actions and words seriously at all. How could she have agonized over a stupid kiss which clearly meant nothing to Sara...to either of them? They must have been laughing at her all night.   
  
The acid in her voice could’ve melted the phone.  
  
“Video results are in. I’ll be at the lab with Brass if you care to grace us with your presence. You know, if you can drag yourself out of bed sometime today.”   
  
Sara stared at her phone after the line went dead, totally confused and completely awake. She looked over to Alex with a sinking feeling in her stomach.  
  
“What’s wrong Sara?”  
  
“I’m not sure but I have a feeling that today is about to become a bad sequel to last night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More work and some fireworks, sort of...*g*


	29. Chapter 29

“She's not going to kill you. You know that, don't you...”  
  
Sara had been silent since the moment they got into the car, barely acknowledging Alex’s attempt to make casual conversation. This last flippant remark finally got her attention.   
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”   
  
“Have you seen how you look?”     
  
“You try looking all bright-eyed and perky after just four hours of sleep in the last two days,” Sara retorted defensively.   
  
“That’s not what I meant.” Alex paused before deciding that she didn’t have time to be subtle. “You look like you’re on the way to meet an executioner. Yours.”   
  
The brunette shook her head but the grim expression on her face gave her away instantaneously.   
  
“What’s wrong?”   
  
She had expected denial and protestations, not quiet acceptance.   
  
“She's really special isn’t she?”   
  
As much as Alex had tried to keep the hint of sadness out of her voice, Sara knew her companion far too well to miss it. No matter how awkward it was, she wanted to deal with it before it ate any further into their friendship.   
  
“Did you mean what you said last night?” Sara paused. “About us?”   
  
She’d known it was coming but the question still managed to catch her off-guard.   
  
“You’re changing the subject.”   
  
“And you’re avoiding an answer. Why didn’t you say anything before?”   
  
Alex wondered how much she could bend the truth and still get away with it. There was only one way to find out.   
  
“Because it was nothing. I was just trying to make a point about you and Catherine.”   
  
Dark eyes chased hers for a second before they held on to them.   
  
“You’ve always been a lousy liar, Lex…”   
  
“You won’t like what you’ll hear.”   
  
“That seems to be the theme of the week for me so far.” Sara smiled wryly. “Besides, since when has that ever stopped you?”     
  
Alex shot her a withering look before replying with a shrug. “I didn’t plan on saying anything because it wouldn’t have led anywhere but a ruined friendship and broken trust and I treasure both too much to risk it on a whim.”   
  
Hurt flashed across Sara’s face. “A whim? You sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself…”   
  
“No, I just know when the girl is in love with someone else. Our chance and time for something more than friendship came and passed a long time ago, but that didn’t mean that I ever stopped caring or loving.”   
  
Sara pulled to a stop before asking her question. “Then why did you leave?”   
  
“Because what I felt for you scared the hell out of me at first and by the time it didn’t, it was too late. You were gone.”   
  
The next words slipped out of Sara's lips easily. “I’m here now.”   
  
Her voice was so quiet that Alex thought she imagined it. Familiar emotions, long forgotten were fighting their way to the surface.   
  
“What are you saying Sara?”   
  
Brown eyes met hers with a look of uncertainty.     
  
“You want this?” Alex waved a hand between the two of them.   
  
Sara searched the blonde’s face for humour and sarcasm. Neither were present. “I...I don’t know but don’t I get to choose?”   
  
Alex had imagined this moment many times before in the past but never with the response she was about to give.   
  
“No, you don’t. Not anymore.”   
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”   
  
“It means, sweetheart, that you need to stop running from what you feel and want. Stop finding ways to punish yourself and deny your own happiness. I won’t be your excuse again.”   
  
The flash of hurt in the brunette’s eyes mirrored the ache in her heart.   
  
“Sara, There is a very real part of me that wants to throw caution to the wind but I value our friendship above all else.”   
  
“You keep saying that. Love and friendship aren’t mutually exclusive…”   
  
“But lust and friendship are.” Alex smiled ruefully. “If we had given into the temptation of ‘reminiscing about old times’ over the years, I doubt we’d still be as good friends as we are today.”   
  
“Erotic dreams notwithstanding.”   
  
Alex’s smile widened into a grin. “Hey, that was before I knew you had a Catherine in your life. Besides, you groped me first, remember?”   
  
She wondered when Alex would let her forget that incident. With her luck, it was probably never.   
  
***********************************************   
  
Sara pulled into her space just in time to see Catherine and Brass coming out of the building, deep in conversation. From the looks of it, the blonde hadn’t left after her shift. That would partly explain her tone on the phone. The rest of it… Sara didn’t want to think about that for now.  Alex had reminded her to play nice just before Sara dropped her off at the PD.   
  
Play nice.   
  
It took two to play and from the way things had been going lately, Catherine needed that advice more than she did. Besides, between the two blondes in her life, her gut reaction was to shut everything out until her world stopped spinning and made sense again. Everything nice that she’d planned in the last couple of days had turned around and bit her in the ass. The only time they didn’t grate on each other was when they talked about work and the case, Sara thought as she quickly covered the remaining distance between them.   
  
“Speak of the devil…” Brass interrupted their conversation with a wry smile in the brunette’s direction. “Catherine didn’t think you’d make it on time.”   
  
Sara raised an eyebrow trying to read the older woman’s expression but it wasn’t easy through the sunglasses.   
  
“It’s was a long night and you caught me …” Sara started to explain before a voice in her head stopped her. Why was she explaining herself like she owed either of them an excuse? “So where are we going?”   
  
“Search warrant for Daniel Avery’s ISP,” Brass said, tapping his jacket pocket.   
  
“Why are we…” Sara asked, confused.   
  
Catherine interrupted impatiently. “We need to go and you won’t be any use if you’re not up to speed. Why don’t you stay here and catch up with Archie? He’ll fill you in.” The blonde barely looked at her before climbing into the passenger seat. Brass could do nothing more than offer Sara a confused shrug before joining Catherine.   
  
Sara watched in silent fury as the car eased out of the lot into the traffic. She needed to get her mind back to work and up to date before she they came back. Damn if she was going to be caught off-guard like that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of closure and more sparks on the way.


	30. Chapter 30

“Sara...”   
  
“What?”   
  
The brunette glared at the voice that had interrupted her fragile concentration. If she knew that playing catch-up meant this, she would have seriously considered calling in sick for once.    
  
“Hey, don’t kill the messenger.” Archie smiled, albeit a little nervously. The expression on Sara’s face had been growing progressively darker with each picture, each video she scrolled through. He waited till she scooted her chair up next to his before continuing.   
  
“I thought you should take a closer look at this...” Archie pressed a button and a clip began playing. “I didn’t notice this the first time through but see these shadows here? And here?” Archie pointed to the screen. “They appear in every clip except the one with Allison Keely.”   
  
“I thought you didn’t find any videos with Allison on his hard drive?”    
  
“He had a backup drive which was looked empty until I processed it. I found this and a couple other videos which were recently deleted. I’m trying to recover the original files but it’ll take a while.”   
  
Sara leaned in for a closer look.   
  
“The position of the shadow in each of this footage is almost constant relative to the scene each time.  There must have been a third person in the room, watching, probably filming the whole thing.”    
  
Sara stiffened when she realised the implication of what they had discovered.   
  
“He was alone with Allison in the video.”   
  
Archie nodded. “The shots go out of focus in a couple of parts. Almost as if no one was working the camera…”   
  
Sara cut in, “So he filmed this one himself. Why?”   
  
“That’s your department. I’m just the computer geek, remember?”   
  
This time, the glare in his direction lacked conviction.   
  
“Some of these were being posted to an online site for pay-per-view kiddie porn.”   
  
With a couple more mouse clicks, the young lab tech brought up the relevant home page. Never had being right about something made her sick to the stomach like it did then.   
  
“How did we miss all of this?” Sara asked as she scrolled through the various links.    
  
“We didn’t look. He gave himself up so as far as the PD and the DA were concerned, it was an open and shut case.”   
  
Something about what Archie said made her stop.   
  
“So why are we digging now?”   
  
“Huh?”   
  
“We were ready to ship him off to the mental hospital, case closed. Why are we suddenly interested in proving his sanity? What’s changed?”   
  
Before Archie could answer, a loud trill disrupted their conversation.  As he moved to take the call, Sara decided that it was time for a break and more coffee. Fortunately for her, there was a fresh pot on the percolator waiting in the break-room.    
  
“They’re on their way back,” Archie announced as she returned, mug in hand. When Sara looked a little confused, he elaborated.    
  
“Catherine and Brass. And she said to make sure that you stay until they get here.”   
  
Sara nodded, forcing herself to concentrate on anything other than images of Catherine and what happened between them earlier. She finally managed to turn her attention back to some random piece of paper in front of her.     
  
Fuck.   
  
She needed to get over this thing that had grown between them because it was obvious Catherine wasn’t interested. As for how to mend whatever that was left of their working relationship, she didn’t even know where to start. Perhaps she should just take a page out of Catherine’s book of eternal denial.    
  
****************************   
  
“How many images are there?”    
  
Sara stared at the screen as Archie scrolled through what seemed to be an endless list of file names. It was like déjà-vu. She’d spent the last couple of hours trawling through a similar list and, from the looks of it, she’d be spending the rest of the day doing it all over again.     
  
“Under Avery’s account? One thousand four hundred and forty six stills and videos. Your mentally defective suspect was lucid enough to make quite an enterprise out of this.”   
  
Catherine rubbed her temples and let out a sigh. She had a throbbing headache that had been growing exponentially since she got back.   
  
“Any more solo efforts like the Keely video?”    
  
“The only way to know for sure is to go through all the clips one by one.”    
  
Catherine muttered a curse before taking a deep breath.   
  
“That sounds like fun but I need a break.” She picked up her coffee mug and left the room.   
  
The two of them had barely exchanged ten words since Catherine got back but Sara could tell that the blonde was exhausted. She ran her eyes over the list on the screen again.   
  
“There’s way more than that on his hard drive. Can you run a comparison?”    
  
“Twenty minutes and I’ll tell you which ones don’t overlap.” Archie scooted up to the nearest PC and started typing.    
  
Twenty minutes was just enough time to join Catherine for some coffee. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to work stuff for now.


	31. Chapter 31

“How long are you going to keep punishing me?” Sara finally said in a low voice.   
  
Catherine finally lifted her eyes from the coffee mug and met Sara’s gaze. “You’re punishing yourself.”   
  
Sara had walked into the break room to find the blonde nursing a hot cup of coffee and completely ignoring her. She briefly considered taking her coffee back to the computer lab and settling for yet another round of awkward silence but halfway to the door, she changed her mind.    
  
‘No, Catherine,  _ you’re _ punishing me. If you’re still mad about what happened last night...”

  
A weary eyebrow rose in reply. “If I were, you would be suspended right now.”    
  
“Then why am I getting the silent treatment?”   
  
The blonde stood up and sighed. “Because it’s easier than getting into another yelling contest with you, Sara.”   
  
“Then talk to me.”    
  
Catherine held the younger woman’s gaze for a moment before giving her a half smile. “I can’t...not yet. I’m not mad Sara, but I haven’t forgiven you.”   
  
“Forgiven me for what?”   
  
Somehow Sara had managed to ask the very question that Catherine had been struggling to answer since this morning. Her conversation with Jim Brass flitted into her mind. They were on the way back to the lab when the senator sicced one of his minions on her with yet another list of demands mostly revolving around how she should be doing her job.    
  
“I swear to God, Jim, I don’t know how Grissom does this,” Catherine muttered darkly as she closed her phone with a loud snap.    
  
“Must be his sparkling personality.” Brass chuckled before his voice turned serious. “And Gil doesn’t take things personally.”   
  
“I don’t-”   
  
“You do. That thing with Sara in the lot wasn’t just frayed nerves...”   
  
She shot him a wary look. “What thing?”   
  
“You looked like you were going to bite her head off over being a couple minutes late. It wasn’t like it was something personal.”   
  
Except it was. She shouldn’t care who Sara slept with. What she thought. How she felt. But she did and she wasn’t ready to admit it, least of all to the woman who was standing in front of her. Way easier to take the role of the wronged victim.   
  
“You need me to give you the play by play?”   
  
“If you’re talking about the kiss, I counted four lips, all willing participants.”   
  
Catherine snorted derisively. “You have a strange definition of ‘willing’ Sidle.”   
  
“Things were pretty heated up,” Sara countered defensively, “but you kissed me back.”   
  
“Maybe that’s how that girlfriend of yours kisses you back but that sure as hell wasn’t even close in my books.”   
  
_ Girlfriend? _   
  
For someone who wasn’t mad, Catherine was giving a good imitation of it, face flushed and nostrils flaring.   
  
“What girl...?”   
  
The gears in her head finally clicked together and Sara almost laughed aloud.   
  
Could Catherine be jealous of...? There were many ways to find out but she was sick of going around in circles again.   
  
“Is this about Alex?”   
  
The steel in Catherine’s eyes wavered for a split-second. Sara pressed her advantage.   
  
“You kissed me back and now you’re jealous because you think that Alex and I...”   
  
“Don’t flatter yourself.” Catherine snapped.   
  
“Come on, admit it. You wanted it as much as I did.”    
  
The brunette was pushing her into a corner, figuratively and literally. Catherine only reacted one way when she was cornered. If Sara wanted sparks, her wish was about to come true. The coffee mug landed with a heavy thunk on the table as Catherine turned towards Sara, eyes gleaming with an almost feral intent.   
  
“You call what happened last night a kiss? You have no idea what a real kiss is.”   
  
The concept of personal space was instantly thrown out of the room along with Sara’s ability to think. Scratch think, she could barely breathe. She definitely didn’t have the ability to stop the hand that was claiming possession of her waist or the one now buried in her hair, drawing their bodies even closer, as if it was its god-given right.    
  
There was no hesitation when their lips finally touched. If the last encounter was a fiery struggle for control, this was an exercise in domination and submission. And Sara surrendered willingly as those exquisite lips mapped her own, probing, caressing, sucking and utterly unravelling her ability to do anything but brace herself against the countertop before her legs gave way. There was no real risk of that since her captor was intensifying the agony with a firm pressure on her lower body, keeping her trapped between muscle and metal. The exploration ventured deeper, a light grazing of teeth against skin which was instantly soothed by the waiting tongue. They were standing in plain sight of anyone who might walk in but Catherine was in no hurry to finish her demonstration.    
  
It was only when the hand around her waist dipped lower and started massaging rounded denim-clad flesh that Sara felt the breath she’d been holding escape in a gasp.  The pressure increased, in counterpoint with a gentle suction on her bottom lip, and the gasp turned into groan. It was answered with a victorious smirk which she felt form against her mouth as the blonde finally pulled back with a final flick of the tongue against her bottom lip.    
  
Sara stared wordlessly at the look of smug satisfaction on Catherine’s face just before she sauntered out of the room. The blonde had earned the right to be arrogant because, God Almighty,  _ that _ was different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A break from work and some sparks. Everyone loves sparks, right? *g*


	32. Chapter 32

Different.   
  
She touched her lips lightly, shivering as she recalled the heat that had left its imprint just minutes ago.    
  
Holy God almighty. How could it be so different?   
  
That one kiss had dismantled her completely and it took all the effort she could muster to stay upright long enough to walk out of the room before her legs gave out. She searched for an escape and slipped into the first empty room she found. The moment the door closed behind her, Catherine let her body slump against the wall in relief. 

Her head was struggling to catch up with the heat suffusing through her entire body. The ache finally settled beneath her belly button and she drew in a ragged breath when she realised what was happening. The pooled heat drifted lower as it intensified and it was becoming all too clear what it meant. She shifted awkwardly in a futile attempt to regain some control and dampen the fire.

She had kissed and been kissed too many times to count but nothing came close to what it felt like when their lips met. It may have started out with the intention of proving a point but somewhere along the way she found herself swept away by an instinct so strong and, Catherine had to admit, so natural. 

She may not have wanted to last night but this time, she definitely did. A flush of heat rose in her face as her mind replayed their kiss once again. Any chance of denial disappeared when the fire stoked anew with the memory. The now familiar ache was now making itself home low in her belly. All of this was her body reminding her in unequivocal terms what it wanted and needed.    
  
The blonde groaned quietly.    
  
It made perfect sense. The past few days of tension, fantasies and jealousy were brought to a single focal point in that kiss and all the denial in the world could not negate the fact that the attraction was mutual.    
  
Catherine was so caught up in her own thoughts that she did not hear the door open or the lithe body that slipped quietly into the room. Sara watched her for a moment before clearing her throat. The blonde jerked in surprise, her face flushing slightly when she realised who was behind her.   
  
Both women looked at each other wordlessly, as if daring the other to speak first.   
  
“I’m sorry.”    
  
The words came out together but it was Sara who shook her head with a rueful smile. “Don’t be. You were right Catherine, it was...different.” The brunette willed her voice to stay steady as she recited the script she had been repeating in her head for the last ten minutes.   
  
“We’ve kissed and you’ve proved your point.”

“Sara…”

She was silenced with a firm shake of Sara’s head.

“It’s okay Catherine, I’m not going to fight you anymore. You win.”

Words that just hours later would have brought a sigh of relief from the older woman’s lips suddenly felt like rocks in the pit of her stomach.   
  
“So where does that leave us?” The blonde asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible even though her heart was trying its utmost to jump out of her chest.   
  
Sara shrugged her shoulders.   
  
“I don’t want this to affect our work. Maybe I’ll talk to Grissom about reassignment to another precinct after this case is over. Or head out east and start over...”    
  
Irrational jealousy pulled the next word from her lips.   
  
“Alex?”   
  
Sara nodded. “It’s been a while but I’m sure she still has that sofa I can rent till I settle in. I have been thinking of checking out the federal system. ”

The way her insides started to churn at Sara’s words was yet another affirmation of her newly-discovered feelings.

“Or we could be adults and move past this,” Catherine answered as coolly as she could, wishing that she had the guts to say what her insides were screaming at her to. The conflict between head and heart peeked out as the smallest waver in her voice. She shifted her gaze momentarily to a random item on the nearest worktop, not trusting her ability to look at Sara without betraying her inner conflict.   
  
The brunette tilted her head slightly. They seemed to have been having this same conversation over and over for the past few days but there was a subtle difference in Catherine’s tone this time. It was as if all that pushing and pulling was slowing to a standstill and they were nearly in sync.

Dare she hope that they were inching towards the same page for once? That thought in head sounded so exhilarating and ridiculous at the same time that she almost let the spontaneous smile that was straining against her lips burst through.

_ Easy now, Sidle… _

She had to choose her words carefully. Catherine was like a cornered animal at the moment and Sara had to tread carefully in order not to lose sight of her again.

“We could but it’s not something to think about right now.” Sara paused, watching Catherine carefully before finishing her sentence, “not when we’re neck deep in work.”

Sara caught a flicker of disappointment and her heart surged a little more. She decided to take a chance and push the line a little further. “Maybe we can talk about this when the case is over. Figure something out together?”

The old Catherine would have jumped at her for using the words “we” and “together” in that context  but what Sara got was a nod and a smile. It wasn’t much, but Sara would take it as a small win. It was a start to rebuilding their friendship.   
  
“Come on, Archie must be wondering where we went to get coffee.”

Catherine was about to suggest topping up their mugs before they trudged back into to the AV lab when she felt the vibration of the phone bouncing against her hip. She flipped it open with an inward sigh, expecting fully to be inundated with yet another request for a status report.

“Willows.”

She’d barely finished saying her name when the voice on the other end of the line started jabbering rapidly. She vaguely recognised it as Alex but the words were jumbled together quicker than her brain could process.

“Whoa… Alex, slow down and start from the beginning.”

The mention of Alex’s name caught Sara’s attention and she signalled Catherine for an explanation.

“Alex, Sara’s with me and I’m going to put you on speaker, okay?”

It took a couple of seconds and when Alex’s voice came back online, it was a little calmer than before.

“I’ve been going through my notes and just interviewed Avery again to confirm a couple of theories.”

“And?“ Sara prodded impatiently.

“I think we have a winner, ladies...”

Catherine raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Great,” she said. “I’ll call Senator Keely.”

“Yeah, call him down to an interview room.”

Sara frowned. “What are you talking about?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, just long enough for a single deep breath. “Guys...he was in on all of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided a truce would be the way to go since the work part is all wrapped up. Question is where do we go from here, eh?


	33. Chapter 33

“Senator, thank you for coming in.” Brass shut the door behind him as he entered the interview room. The uniformed officer standing watch looked relieved at his entrance. The greying man in an expensive suit seated at the table glared at her one last time before turning his attention to Brass.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Captain Jim Brass. LVPD.”

The heavyset man stood up immediately and slammed both palms on the table. “About time. I don’t know what game you think you’re playing but someone better explain why I’m here. Do you know who I was in a meeting with when the officers barged in?!”

Brass smiled as he answered. “The congressman and his party had my apologies and they completely understand that you had a more urgent meeting here with us.”

Dark eyes narrowed in rage. “You’ll regret this when my attorney gets here. By the time the mayor finds out, he’ll see to it that you’re all out of a jo-” He stopped abruptly, eyes widening when the door opened again and a handcuffed Daniel Avery was nudged through by a uniform. Catherine and Alex slipped into the room just behind them.

“What’s he doing here?” The senator’s voice was practically a hiss.

Catherine pulled up a seat before answering. “He’s part of the investigation. The same one that you are.” The confused look on his face prompted Catherine to introduce herself. “Catherine Willows. Lead CSI on the Avery case. We’ve spoken a few times.”

Catherine’s voice was deliberately acerbic. She doubted that he would have remembered their conversations. She was but one of the multitude of minions he shouted at on a regular basis. Alex gave her smile before sinking into the chair beside her.

“And I’m Dr. Thompson. I’m consulting for the FBI.”

Her choice of introduction didn’t escape Catherine’s notice and the older woman had to suppress a grin.

“Great. We’ve all met and are now best friends,” he spat out angrily and turned to Catherine. “I thought I told you to put a needle in his arm.”

Catherine quirked an eyebrow. “I gather evidence and interpret it for cause and intent. That’s my job, not playing judge and jury.“

“So why aren’t you out there doing that instead of harrassing me?”

Brass cut in smoothly. “We thought you might want to know that we’ve closed the case.”

There was a flicker of panic in Keely’s eyes before he covered it with a nervous smile.

“Good, great… so you just called me down here to give me the news. You know you could have saved us both the trouble and just told me over the phone.”

Brass shrugged. “We didn’t think you wanted to miss out on all the fun. After all, Senator, you’ve been very interested in this case.”

“Of course I am. My daughter was killed by this,” he flicked a look of disgust at Avery who was just staring glassy eyed at the floor, “monster.”

Catherine flicked open the slim folder in front of her, almost casually, and scanned the page again before she spoke. “In that case, you’ll be happy to know that we have got everything we need to close this case.” She paused before adding, almost an an afterthought, “there is just one thing I’m curious about, though...”

She earned a badly-effected baffled look from the man in front of her. He was putting up a poor impression of being calm and collected judging by the beads of sweat that were starting to form across his brow.

“How did you two meet? A senator and an out of work computer hack don’t generally move in the same circles.”

Keely’s face turned an odd shade of pale and Avery’s eyes snapped into focus the instant the words left her mouth.

“I don’t know what you mean.” His voice wavered as he spoke.

Catherine dismissed his protest with a wave of her hand.

“Oh, we already know that the two of you were in business together. You set Mr. Avery up with the expensive counsel to cover your own ass when things started going south. We have phone records and financial statements to that effect.”

“I...I’m not saying a word until my attorney gets here,” he stammered.

“You don’t have to say anything. The evidence has told us everything. And if I had to guess how you met, I would put good money on your shared interest in pornography. Chance meeting in a chat room?”

The sheer panic his eyes confirmed her theory. Avery, on the other hand, looked calm and focussed for the first time since his initial interview.

Alex took the cue and shifted forward, resting her elbows on the table top before speaking. “Daniel, tell me again about what the angel said to you.”

He looked up and gave her a half-smile. “The angel whispered in my right ear that I had released the impurity that was within them.” His voice was soft and almost ethereal.

The senator’s eyes darted nervously between Alex and Avery. “See, he’s admitted to killing all those children and…” He voice stumbled. “And my little girl. He deserves the needle.”

Alex gave him an imperceptible nod. “Yes he did but it wasn’t an angel or a voice in your head that told you to was it?”

Avery stared back silently.

Alex continued. “You see, Daniel, there are many different ways hallucinations can occur and every experience can be uniquely different. They share similar traits because a hallucination, in this case a voice in your head, is just synapses misfiring into your auditory cortex.”

Both Catherine and Brass leaned towards Alex, curious as to where she was taking this. She had briefly explained to them earlier that she had proof he was faking it but hadn’t had time to elaborate on the details.

Avery’s voice was a little firmer when he spoke. “You call it misfiring synapses and I call them voices in my head. Still the same thing, Dr. Thompson.”

Alex shook her head barely suppressing the smirk that was threatening to break loose. “No Mr. Avery. Auditory hallucinations fire signals at the entire cortex. So you hear them binaurally. The fact you only heard that in one ear tells me that you’re lying.”

The green eyes staring at her hardened immediately. His reply, when it came, was cold and lucid. “I did say to the Senator that he would regret trying to pin the whole deal on me. He didn’t seem to get what I was saying to him and I needed to make sure he understood my message.”

Keely’s eyes widened in horror and he buried his face in his hands.

“Oh god, what have I done…” His voice crumbled into a sob as if he had just realised what was happening.

Brass signalled the officer in the room with a nod. “Cuff the senator and get both of them out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final bit of work stuff to tie things up. This was written on an impulse so pardon its brevity :)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More kissing - of sorts *g*

“Have you been listening to me?”   
  
Sara looked up from the page on the table. “Of course.”   
  
“Okay.” The blonde leaned back onto her chair and crossed her arms. “Tell me what I just said.”    
  
“You just asked if I was listening to you and the answer is yes,” Sara answered smugly. The smile turned into a wince when a small ball of paper flew across the table and landed on her nose. “Hey, it’s bad enough hearing you talk about how you single-handedly solved the case for the fifth time. You’re not making me listen to it for a sixth.”   
  
“That’s gratitude for you,” Alex complained with a touch of mock hurt in her tone. “If it wasn’t for the fact that I exposed his fake hallucinations, you’d still be killing your eyes over bad porn and phone records.”    
  
“Yes, you’re a genius,” Sara grumped before continuing more seriously, “and if he didn’t feel like he had to get even with the two-timing dirty senator who filmed and bankrolled his snuff operation, a ten year old girl wouldn’t be dead.”   
  
The blonde nodded and sighed. “What goes around bites you in the ass eventually. Speaking of which, smart ass...”    
  
Sara gave her a smirk. “You’re obsessed with my ass...”   
  
“You wish. Unfortunately for you, I have a rule about not messing around with another woman’s property.”   
  
Instead of a witty jibe in response, Sara’s eyes slid silently back to a random pile of paper on the desk. The blonde caught on immediately. “What did you do this time?”    
  
“Why does it always have to be that I did something wrong?”    
  
“It doesn’t always have to be but I know it is when you answer my question with a question. So what is it?”   
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her response wasn’t even close to being convincing.   
  
Alex sighed and slumped into her chair. “Look, I don’t care what you’ve done this time but I need a heads-up if I should run and hide when I see Catherine coming.”   
  


“No,” Sara kept her the tone of voice as convincing as as she could. Alex could tell instantly that convincing was a small speck in the distant horizon.  
  
“Sar...?”  
  
Their eyes met momentarily before Alex shrugged and stood up. “OK, if you don’t want to talk about it, I can’t force you.” She started to clear the table in front of her before continuing, “...so, where are you taking me out to dinner?”  
  
Sara weighed her words cautiously before answering. Alex never gave up that easily.  
  
“Ermm... anywhere you want. Do you have something in mind?”   
  
“Nah, I’m easy. You decide...”  
  
Perhaps being sceptical came with the job but Sara was getting more and more unconvinced that Alex didn’t have something up her sleeve. She would never admit it but Alex was way easier to deal with when she was being pushy.  
  
“I was thinking of trying out that Indian vegetarian curry place...” Sara let her suggestion hang, waiting for a familiar protestation from her friend to both vegetarian and curry at the same time.   
  
“Sounds great. I’m starving...”   
  
Sara frowned. She was now sure that Alex was up to something. The blonde, seemingly oblivious to her scrutiny, continued to stuff the last of the papers into a briefcase.  
  
“So,” Alex grunted slightly as she slung the heavy bag over a shoulder, “ready to go?”   
  
She should have her head examined for the next thing she was going to say but it was way better than spending the whole evening in knots, waiting for the penny to drop.   
  
“Stop. You win.” Sara blew an exasperated sigh as she grabbed Alex by the shoulders.   
  
“Not hungry?” The blonde arched an eyebrow in surprise as she was pulled away from the door and steered back into a chair. “See, isn’t it much easier this way?” Alex smiled smugly, ignoring the withering look that Sara gave to her in response. “Okay, I’m all ears. What did you do this time?”  
  
The brunette gave a look for the presumptuous remark but replied anyway.   
  
“We were having an argument in the break room and,” Sara paused to take a breath before continuing, “Catherine kissed me.”  
  
Alex shook her head and chuckled softly, “Again? You know, for two people who are not in a relationship, you two sure do a lot of kissing.”  
  
“She did it to prove a point,” Sara protested.  
  
“And which point was that?”  
  
From the way her complexion reddened, Alex already knew the answer but waited for the brunette to speak anyway.   
  
“That she could turn my world inside out if she kissed me for real.”  
  
“Not if, Sara...when.”   
  
Sara sighed heavily before answering, “I think that happened last night. It’s just that we’ve been going round in circles so much that I can’t be sure if it isn’t just an intellectual experiment for her.”  
  
“My God Sar, surely you can tell if the kiss was real. It hasn’t been that long has it?” Alex smiled, her eyes twinkling with amusement.  
  
“No, it’s just...” Sara’s voice faded off gradually replaced by a curious smile, “...Alex?”  
  
“Yes?”   
  
“Kiss me.”   
  
“Excuse me?!” Alex shook her head briskly. She must have misheard what Sara just said.  
  
“You always said you wanted to help and I need to know.”  
  
Apparently her hearing was fine. Eyeing Sara warily, she prompted. “You need to know…?”  
  
“I need to know if my reaction was because of Catherine or just the kiss.”   
  
Sara couldn’t tell if the look on Alex’s face was confusion or amusement but she didn’t really care. The blonde found herself being pulled gently up onto her feet and nudged backwards towards the desk.  
  
“You owe me big time for this, Sidle,” Alex sighed as she settled herself against the edge.   
  
Sara leaned forward and pressed her lips against Alex’s. A familiar feeling flooded her senses – Alex tasted and felt as good as she did all those years ago. She deepened the kiss slightly and the blonde responded by running her hands up Sara’s back to pull her closer.  Their bodies fitted together perfectly and the lips escalated to involve tongues and teeth. When they finally pulled apart, Alex had a smug look on her face in contrast with Sara’s mildly dazed one.  
  
“That was...” Sara cleared her throat before continuing, “...wow, Alex...”  
  
“Just a little reminder of what you’ve been missing, Sidle.”  
  
As good as it was, it was nothing like her encounter with Catherine. Before Sara could reply with a snide remark , a surprised gasp made the both of them turn their head simultaneously. The brunette caught a flash of blonde streaking out the door just before it swung shut.   
  
The two women looked at each other wordlessly; Sara with a look bordering on despair on her face and Alex trying hard not to laugh out loud.  
  
“I guess this means dinner is off.”


	35. Chapter 35

She paced across the concrete for the twentieth time. Maybe the twenty-first but she had lost count on account of the cold and the knot in her stomach.   
  
_Either suck it up and ring the bell or go home._   
  
That annoying voice that was her subconscious squeaked again and, as tempted as she was to slap it away yet again, she stopped. Come hell or high water, she had to do this. She steadied her breath before raising her hand to the button on the wall and pressing against it long and hard.            
  
Her heart nearly thumped its way out of her chest when she heard the faint fumbling noises of movement in response to the buzzer come from behind the door. Suddenly, she was almost afraid of what she would see when the door opened. More to the point, who she would see and how she would react.   
  
Well, it was too late to back out now but she couldn’t help but take half step backwards at the sound of latches being unlocked before the door swung open.   
  
“Catherine?” Sara’s voice squeaked in surprise when she saw the very person whose phone number she had been staring at for the past hour standing outside her door. Equally surprising was the fact that the older woman looked about as nervous as she was sure she was herself.   
  
The speech that Catherine had rehearsed earlier in her head had all but disappeared so she gave the brunette a limp smile instead. “Hey…I…can I come in or are you in the middle of something?” Her tone of voice, though tentative, clearly indicated what - or, more precisely, who - she thought that something was.   
  
Sara felt her face flush in reaction even as she stepped aside to let the older woman in. Her uneasiness faded a little, seeing that Catherine had not ripped her a new one the moment she answered the door. In fact, her guest looked increasingly nervous, her eyes sweeping across the room as if she expected something to jump out at her.   
  
Sara was pretty sure it was a who not a what.   
  
“Alex isn’t here if that’s who you’re looking for. Left a couple of hours ago to catch her flight back east.”

Had Catherine's expression relaxed a little or was it just Sara's imagination? There was still a hint of confusion on Catherine’s face and she felt she needed to elaborate. Best get the unspoken questions out of the way.

“She wanted to stay and play tourist for a couple of days but some suit found out that our case was closed and they needed her expertise. No rest for the wicked...”The women shared a brief knowing smile which quickly faded into awkward silence. Catherine shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other.

“Actually, I was looking for you.” She winced, painfully aware of how she was stating the obvious.   
  
Sara drew in a breath in anticipation. “Oh? ”   
  
Catherine nodded, running a hand nervously through her hair. She tried to start the spiel she had rehearsed but the words were just a jumble in her head.   
  
“I…” she stammered, racking her mind for the right words.   
  
Sara furrowed her brow, concern rapidly overwhelming her initial confusion at the blonde’s demeanour. “Do you want to sit down? Or can I get you a drink...”   
  
Catherine shook her head, taking a deep breath to steady her thoughts. “I've been thinking about our conversation earlier. About working things out.”   
  
A spark of hope rose in Sara's chest which she instinctively smothered.   
  
“Maybe a fresh start isn't a bad idea.” Catherine's eyes were glued to an imaginary spot on the wall. She had to muster all her self-control to keep her voice steady.   
  
Sara felt the breath leave her body as if she had been punched in the gut.   
  
“Wait...what?”   
  
“New York could be a nice change, a new challenge and, ” Catherine drew another breath to keep her voice from wavering, “Alex is a good fit for you. You deserve to be happy.”   
  
Catherine pulled her gaze away from the wall and searched the floor instead, anything to avoid Sara as the final words fell from her lips.   
  
Sara took a tentative step towards the blonde, half-expecting the smaller woman to bolt away again if she moved any quicker. There wasn't a chance in hell of that happening though. Catherine wasn't sure how her legs were still holding her upright. Perhaps they had somehow melded with the floor because she couldn't, or perhaps, dared not move them in case they gave way completely.   
  
“Catherine, let me explain...” The words fell out in a whisper.   


Her head shook, eyes still plastered to a random floor tile. “Sara, you don't have to. I saw you...”   
  
“Look at me,” the brunette said softly but firmly. Catherine wavered as she finally raised her eyes. She willed herself to hold on to Sara's gaze and finish the sentence but she blinked and her resolve deserted her instantly.     
  
“You saw me kiss Alex,” Sara said evenly.

“I saw the way she looked at you, Sara. She loves you.” As painful as the words were, Catherine had to say them out loud or the knot in her stomach would kill her.

Sara briefly contemplated explaining what had happened but decided that now wasn't the time for conversation.

“Yes she does.”  
  
Catherine flinched as if Sara had slapped her in the face. “So you've decided to go.” Her voice was dull. Somehow the answer and closure her head told her she needed to hear felt hollow.

“Is that what you really think?”

“I’m sure you’ll be happier.” Catherine attempted a stilted smile but the shimmer in her eyes gave her away.

Sara took another step closer. Close enough for her to reach out and brush the back of her hand along a trembling cheek, which she did. She just hoped that Catherine wouldn’t notice the nervous tremor in her own fingers.

“So why are you here, Cath?”   
  
The hand turned over, her thumb tracing the line along Catherine's jaw.   
  
Sara's hand was so soft and the temptation to lean into it was too hard to resist completely.   
  
“To tell me to go? Leave Vegas and start over? ”   
  
Catherine's breath hitched as Sara reciprocated by caressing the skin that was now nestled in her palm.   
  
“Because you don't feel any of this.” Sara reinforced her words by bringing her other hand to join its partner and cradle Catherine's face.   
  
Sara took a final step, bringing their faces so close that she could feel the shaky exhale of Catherine's breath. She grazed her thumb gently across her lower lip.   
  
Despite the wild thumping in her chest, Sara's next words came out in a calm whisper.   
  
“Tell me again and I'll go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ducks hoping everyone's who's reading likes cliffhangers"


	36. Chapter 36

Pale shimmering blue locked on to creamy chocolate brown. The words were falling over in a jumble in her head and Catherine couldn’t trust herself to speak. She knew she had to or lose her courage and her chance to say anything at all.   
  
“I...” Catherine drew a breath to steady herself. “ Sar...”   
  
Before she could complete the next word, her face was drawn gently towards the soft lapels of Sara's jacket. She couldn't decide if the comforting smell was Sara or the leather. That one simple action reaffirmed what her heart, mind and body had been telling her. And what she knew was that she felt free and safe. The rest of her senses apparently agreed because her legs decided to work again but only just. She instinctively reached for the nearest firm surface.    
  
Sara's breath hitched as Catherine wrapped an arm around her tightly. She squeezed her eyes shut just as intensely in an attempt to calm her heartbeat. It was increasingly hard to be objective and calm but she drew a breath and brought an image to mind.

An anchor in the eye of the storm. A wall holding a steady dam against roiling waves.

_ Focus, Sidle. _

She had almost battened down the hatches before she made the cardinal mistake of drawing back and looking into Catherine’s eyes. She was instantly snared by an unseen force which held on just firmly enough to keep her from slipping away. As if she even had a sliver of hope of any escape in the first place.

Sara gave in and held Catherine's gaze as closely as she held hers. A loud, nagging part of her taunted and steeled herself for another rejection. She started moving away by instinct, fighting against every molecule of need and want that was telling her not to. Her body missed the warmth and contours of Catherine’s form immediately. 

Catherine pulled herself away in reflex before stopping. Their eyes met and in that brief moment she realised that she was looking at a reflection of her own desire in Sara’s eyes. They froze simultaneously, just staring at each other, knowing that the universe as they knew it would disintegrate as soon as one of them made the next move.

Catherine won. 

Sara felt the jacket tighten suddenly around her shoulders as the lapels were scrunched and pulled away from her. Her arm tightened against Catherine's waist as their lips crashed awkwardly. But it was only awkward for an instant.    
  
They pulled apart momentarily and met again, this time with more purpose. Lips met, then tongue, grazing against soft lips, nipping, tasting and revelling in the feel and flavour.  Sara pushed Catherine gently back a few steps until her back thumped against a wall. She felt rather than saw Catherine's smile as the added purchase gave the blonde the leverage she needed to pull Sara's body flush against her. The kiss deepened, fingers grazing against first cloth and then skin. Both women explored tentatively, each touch a revealing a new sensation.   
  
They had kissed more than once in the last few days but this felt, no,  _ was _ definitely different. The fit was perfect and natural. Every contour felt as if they were a jigsaw cut from the matching moulds.    
  
They finally pulled apart for the breath they both needed and Sara swore she felt Catherine smiling against her lips again. She must be doing something right.    
  
“Hey...”    
  
Not the most articulate but the best she could manage under the circumstances.    
  
Blue met brown again but this time with more certainty. There was still a flicker of nervousness in Catherine's eyes, Sara noticed immediately and she knew what she had to do.   
  
“Hey...” she repeated, leaning in to brush a light kiss against Catherine’s lips. Sara drew back and ran a finger across the impossibly perfect chin and tipped it up so their eyes met.

She waited until the shimmer steadied into their usual shade of blue.

“I'm staying.” 

A glint of hope brightened the blue briefly before doubt borne of habit dulled it yet again.

“What about starting over and Alex?” Catherine mumbled.  If there was one life goal she had to pick at this very moment, Sara would choose to ensure that Catherine never had to doubt her feelings and convictions ever again. Her reply came out a little rougher than she intended it to. 

“Forget Alex.”

“But you said…”

Sara hushed her with a finger.

“Ancient history. She’s my best friend and I needed her help figuring out something important.”

“And what’s that?” Catherine barely dared to ask.

Sara’s voice dropped a register without her realising it. “That I want you and I'm not going anywhere.”

It had been a long time but Catherine recognised the look of pure, unabashed devotion and desire in Sara's eyes.The ache in her chest started to melt away, transforming into a warm glow and a decidedly more pleasant thrum just beneath it.    
  
“You want me?” Catherine’s voice was lower than Sara ever heard before.   
  
Sara felt her insides turn to liquid heat at the throaty husk. She nodded dumbly, not trusting her voice to work. Her reward was almost instant. The brunette found herself propelled backwards until the back of her thighs hit the arm of a sofa. A strong arm reached around to steady her at the same instant her lips were hungrily devoured. The other hand quickly found its way underneath leather and fabric to skim across Sara's back.

The brunette reached out to steady herself as the kiss intensified. Her hand groped for the back of the sofa before slipping off clumsily. She tried again and managed to just gain purchase on the rough fabric.

Catherine was determined not to let a piece of furniture get in the way of her exploration and guided them round to the front of the sofa. Their lips barely drifted apart as they fell into the soft cushions as a single entity. 

The next phrase from the blonde’s lips dismantled any remnant of doubt Sara had.

“Then show me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real kissing as promised.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snuggling is always a good thing. Right?

Her eyelids fluttered open and for a microsecond she wondered where she was. She took a breath and immediately felt a delicious weight pressing back against her torso. 

_ Oh yes, that’s where. _

Sara wondered, with the fleeting moment of logical thought she could muster under the circumstances, how not being able to breathe could feel so good. Maybe she’d died and this was heaven. Her chest rumbled with a soft chuckle at the cliche.     
  
“What's so funny?” 

The warm body draped across her shifted as Catherine mumbled into her shoulder.

“Nothing.” Sara ran fingers through the blonde silk sprawled across her chest, twirling strands between her fingers, revelling in how anything could be so soft. The head tilted upwards to reveal sleepy eyes squinting back at her. She couldn’t think of a more beautiful sight to wake up to and she smiled. 

“Tell me...” Catherine levered her forearm against a cushion as best as she could, grunting softly as she barely managed to gain the purchase she needed to push her head further up.

“Tell you what?” Sara teased.

“”I want to know why you’re smiling.” Blue eyes sparkled now that she was fully awake.

Sara brushed the face of the goddess in front of her, sighed in resignation. She couldn't really deny Catherine anything. Not even if she tried.   
  
“I was just thinking of how beautiful you are and how you good you feel. And how you take my breath away every time I look at you.”   
  
A tinge rose in Catherine's cheeks. For all the worldly experience of her past, the simple, dare she admit it, romance of Sara's words made her insides melt a little more.   
  
The smile on Sara's face broadened to a grin. “Are you growing coy on me, Ms. Willows?”   
  
“Can't help it if you keep being sweet like that, Ms. Sidle.”    
  
Catherine reached out to pull Sara closer but the brunette captured the hand in her own and nuzzled the open palm. Their eyes locked and for that instant, the room around them ceased to exist. Funny how that was rapidly becoming a recurrent theme. Neither woman complained, though.   
  
“Only for you,” Sara murmured, rubbing a cheek against the fingers cupping her face.   
  
Catherine's chest tightened. Simple words but by god they were pulling her in. She was on the brink of falling hard and for the first time in a long while, she contemplated throwing caution to the wind and letting go. The thought elated and terrified her at the same time but it felt oddly safe. Maybe she knew there was someone to catch her when she did.    
  
She pushed herself up a final few inches and pulled Sara’s lips towards her own. They tasted so good. The brunette groaned and the sound only encouraged her to deepen the pulling and nipping motion into a rhythmic massage. Her tongue pushed forward and she drank greedily until the lack of oxygen in her lungs finally forced her to pull away for a breath.   
  
Sara blinked at the ceiling, dazed as she gulped for air. “God...” Her gaze fell onto a smug smile as she drew another ragged breath, still in a stupor from being kissed so thoroughly.    
  
“No need to start worshipping me. Not yet anyway...” Catherine placed a final kiss on Sara's chin before pushing herself upright.    
  
“And where do you think you're going?” A soft hand slid across the small of her back, stilling her progress.    
  
“We have to be back at work in…” Catherine glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall, “...two hours. And we both need to change.” She indicated their clothes, wrinkled and rumpled from sleep.   
  
Sara groaned. 

Has it been that long? It felt as if no time had passed at all.

Her mind flashed back to their initial tangle on the sofa. She flushed at the memory of heated limbs crushing together and impatient hands exposing increasingly intimate skin.

_ Sara’s hand was scrunching up the lace above Catherine’s ribcage when she felt a hitch in her partner’s breathing. Something about that momentary pause parted the fog covering her mind and she blinked hard, focusing on the sheer beauty of the woman beside her. _

_ Catherine’s eyes were was dark with desire and need as they met hers but Sara caught a tiny flicker of hesitation. The fog lifted further but before she could say anything, she was momentarily distracted by a tentative tug on the top button of her pants. The fingers fumbled and Sara could tell they were trembling. _

_ Sara pulled back and forced herself to take a deep breath. She somehow found the ability to speak. _

_ “We don’t have to...” _

_ “I want to…” The answer was instant. Sara felt fingers skimming across her belly again and groaned. _

_ She must be mad to fight against her every instinct. _

_ “Cath, I want you to,” she whispered, covering the shaky fingers with her hand, “but only if you’re absolutely sure.” She laced their fingers together and squeezed gently.  _

_ A flush rose, darkening the freckles on Catherine’s neck as she pulled their  joined hands away from Sara’s waist. _

_ “I want to so much…” she stuttered, the heat rising to her cheeks. “God, I feel so stupid...” _

_ The brunette silenced her with a kiss. _

_ “Don’t ever. You can tell me anything,” she prodded gently. _

_ Catherine felt a different kind of warmth suffusing her body as she answered. _

_ “We’re gone from me packing your bags for you to your hand inside my bra in a very short time and I want this to be just right. Maybe we could go a little slower and see what happens?” _

_ A brush of Sara’s lips against hers was enough to reassure her that she agreed. Catherine felt the sofa shift as Sara rearranged her back into the cushions. She let herself be pulled into a firm embrace with her head tucked beneath Sara’s chin. _

_ “This okay?” _

_ Catherine nodded and snuggled deeper into Sara’s chest. She placed a kiss on the first bit of exposed skin she could reach, eliciting a groan. Sara shifted in reflex and a warm thigh somehow found its way between her legs. _

_ “We can still make out,” Catherine murmured as her lips traced the cleavage of Sara’s shirt, “if you like…” _

_ Sara needed no further invitation and raised a thigh to match Catherine’s motion. She was rewarded with a gasp and the pressure on her chest deepened into a gentle suction. They must have finally fallen asleep between the bouts of gentle kisses and explorations because the last memory Sara could grasp before drifting off herself was that of Catherine hugging her like a human-sized pillow. _

_ She decided that it was something she could get used to.  _   
  
She shook her head a little, bringing herself unceremoniously back to the present. “Five more minutes.”    
  
Sara started pulling the lithe body back towards her, her lips curled into a smile as she anticipated the feel and taste of Catherine's lips.    
  
“I don’t want us to be late,” Catherine resisted lightly. “And...we agreed, remember?”   
  
Sara sighed and slid her hand off Catherine’s waist. “We're taking it slow,” she murmured, hoping the mantra would dampen the fire in her belly.    
  
Catherine smiled, leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. She decided that Sara looked adorable even in her frustration.    
  
“Trust me, it'll be worth it.”


	38. Chapter 38

Catherine leaned back and stretched. The pop low on her spine felt good and she exhaled with a soft groan. It had been a hard shift, the longest in recent memory, and it wasn't just down to the tedium of scanning security footage for the past six hours.    
  
Taking it slow was sensible. They were getting to know each other, exploring their feelings and expectations. Both women had agreed that they would keep their relationship out of each other's bedroom for now. It was the logical thing to do and it was going well.    
  
Kind of.    
  
It was now a month since that night in Sara’s apartment and they had been spending almost all their waking hours out of work together; sharing meals and talking about - well - everything. Light conversations about favourite things to more difficult ones about their past, Alex and so much more. Lindsey was beginning to look forward to seeing Sara around the house. Catherine had a hunch that her daughter knew she was more than just Mommy's friend from work. They were restrained around her but there were still the intimate touches, glances and light kisses when it was time for Sara to leave.    
  
And there was, of course, the progressively adventurous making out when Lindsey was safely away to bed or at Catherine’s sister's. And when they were at Sara's. Or a couple of times in her driveway. And that one time in that unused office at work that no one ever came into. Each encounter pushed the boundaries of going slow a little further. It was getting to the point where both women could barely be in the same room without feeling incredibly frustrated.   
  
Catherine was beginning to regret the idea of taking it slowly. A fleeting thought of those eyes and lips immediately triggered an increasingly familiar ache in the pit of her belly. She closed her eyes in an attempt to clear her head but her imagination took over straightaway. It started with the usual collage of images: a look here, a smile there, growing more vivid by the second, intensified by the provocative memory of Sara's voice and touch. Everything inevitably coalesced in her mind into a full stereo, three dimensional private film of tangled limbs, slick skin, gasping bodies straining to...   
  
She groaned and inhaled deeply, hoping it would help clear the image and calm her racing pulse. Catherine knew it was futile before she even started but she had to make some kind of attempt to regain her focus.    
  
It was all Sara's fault anyway, her inner voice grumbled.    
  
They hadn't seen each other for two days now with Sara working overtime tonight and Catherine working a double the night before. The only contact they'd had was a lingering smile at assignment before the brunette left with Grissom to process the scene of a frat party gone wrong. Her only salvation was that it was end of shift soon.   
  
“You really shouldn't be having thoughts like that at work,” a husky voice whispered in the ear.   
  
Catherine relaxed at the sound of that voice, almost caught off-guard, realising how much she had needed to hear it all night. She tilted her head back at just the correct angle, knowing what was waiting for her.    
  
Sara did not disappoint.    
  
“And kissing's fine?” Catherine gasped when they eventually broke apart.   
  
“Only if we're off the clock, which was,” Sara glanced at her wrist, “ fifteen seconds ago. You ready to go?”   
  
Catherine's face broke into a tired smile. It had been a long night but it was finally over and, for the first time in days, they were leaving together. It took a very conscious effort to suppress the less than innocent thoughts bombarding her brain.

It felt like being a horny teenager all over again.

She stood up and started pulling together the work that was scattered across the desk. A wedge of skin appeared between her shirt and the top of her trousers when she leaned forward to retrieve an errant folder. Sara held her breath, mesmerised, as a heat rose in her belly at the memory of how that skin felt under her caress. She could barely stop herself from reaching out for a touch when Catherine bent over, exposing a strip of black lace as a preview of what lay just beyond sight.  

Sara felt her mouth go dry, her deprived imagination filling in all the blanks all too well. “You going to tell me what put that look on your face before?” she said, trying to deflect her mind from the path it was straining to run down like an errant puppy.

Catherine turned her head round and caught the flush on Sara's face, knowing that it was a mirror of how she was feeling. She pulled Sara into a deeper, slower kiss in an attempt to dampen the fire they both felt. It unsurprisingly did the opposite and they were both gasping for air when they finally came apart. Somewhere and somehow in the haze, they remembered that they were still at work.

“That’s an interesting answer.” Sara cleared her throat as her senses returned in bits and pieces.

Catherine’s reply was both gravel and silk. “That’s just the trailer to the movie, babe.”

Sara felt her neurons starting to misfire again at the image but managed to croak a response.

“So are you going to tell me the rest of it?” 

Satisfied that everything was stowed away, Catherine flicked the lights off as she nudged the door open with a shoulder.

“Maybe later,” she teased, deliberately stretching to expose a bit more skin, “ but only if you're good.”   
  
Sara raised an eyebrow. “ And what if I'm not?” 

Her answer was a raised eyebrow and a wicked grin.

“Coming, dear?” Catherine’s face was attempting to be a picture of innocence which she didn’t do particularly well. 

Sara was determined to give as good as she got. “Later, and only if you're very, very good.”

Her voice was a deliberate husky drawl and it got the reaction she was after. She loved the way the blue in those beautiful eyes darkened as they dilated with desire.

_ Oh yes. _

She sealed her victory with a deliberate brush across the exposed skin of Catherine's back as she sauntered through the open doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should add tease and fluff in as tags. Fluffy teasing is good, right :)?


	39. Chapter 39

They decided unanimously to skip breakfast at the diner which had become their routine. It would normally fit between leaving work and their increasingly intimate explorations in Catherine's hallway or at Sara's door before they parted company.    
  
Today felt different.    
  
Perhaps it was down to their heated exchange earlier or possibly a culmination of want and tension over the past forty-eight hours and more. Either way, Catherine was very much distracted as she climbed behind the wheel of the Denali. Sara sensed, no, saw it flushed on her partner's face and smiled. She ran her hand across a denim-clad thigh, squeezing the soft flesh halfway up to test her theory. The blonde drew in a sharp breath.    
  
“What's the matter?” Sara teased.   
  
“You know what,” Catherine muttered, covering the errant hand with her own.   
  
Sara started pulling her hand away with a frustrated sigh. “Sorry...”   
  
A warm hand stilled hers.   
  
“Never be sorry for touching me like that. Ever. We just...”   
  
“... need to take our time,” the brunette finished the sentence with the well-recited mantra.   
  
Catherine watched as the other woman took a deep breath, eyes closed as she buckled herself in.  She waited until Sara exhaled and opened her eyes again before she started pulling the car out onto the road. Sara was quiet as they wound their way through the traffic.    
  
“You okay?”   
  
“Uh huh.” Sara nodded. “Just need a cold shower when I get home.”   
  
The car weaved suddenly as Catherine spaced out for a moment . The mental picture of Sara wet and naked and slippery...   
  
Sara smiled, recognizing the look and shaky breath Catherine took in an attempt to refocus her thoughts.   
  
“Christ, Sar...”   
  
“Join the club, babe,” Sara sighed, before adding under her breath, “and try feeling like that all the time...”   
  
Catherine recognised the posture – brown eyes searching for some unseen point of focus in the distance and a lightly closed fist resting on a thigh, almost with a conscious effort to stop it from moving – and her heart sank. She looked for somewhere to pull the car over. The conversation they were about to have had been coming since that night in Sara's apartment and controlling a moving vehicle at the same time would be a bad idea.   
  
Sara broke from her reverie, a little surprised as they ground to a halt.   
  
“Wha...”   
  
Catherine killed the engine and took a deep breath.   
  
“Do you think I don't want to pin you down, ravage you and fuck your brains out?”   
  
Sara looked like a deer caught in headlights. The logical part of her brain which should be wondering why Catherine was asking the question was fighting a pointless battle against the liquid heat flooding her belly from the crassness of Catherine’s words and the image of, well...   
  
“I, uhm...”   
  
“I want you so much all the time, it...” Catherine searched for her words, knowing that she had to get them just right, “..overwhelms me and every other thought in my head.”    
  
“And what's wrong with that?” Sara finally found her voice as she clawed her way out of a lusty haze.   
  
“Nothing, except...”    
  
“Except...?”   
  
“All the times I've been...” She paused. “Been...here, it's never scared me this much,” Catherine finally finished with a shaky breath.   
  
The pleasant heat started to turn into a lump and then a knot in Sara’s stomach.    
  
“What are you trying to tell me, Cath?”    
  
“I...” Her voice stammered as she fumbled for the words she needed.   
  
“Do you want out?” Sara's voice was a dull whisper.    
  
“No.”    
  
The single syllable sounded like it had a 'but' attached to it. Sara had to know, even if it meant the bottom of her world would drop into oblivion.   
  
“Then...”   
  
“I don't know what to do when you decide  _ you've _ had enough and want out.”    
  
Catherine had finally said it and the relief she had expected felt hollow. She closed her eyes and dipped her chin low into her chest, preparing herself for the inevitable.    
  
“And why would I want to do that?”   
  
She opened her eyes, sighing, only to find Sara staring intensely at her.    
  
“Are you going to make me point out the obvious?”   
  
Sara contemplated for a moment. Her voice was calm and soft when she finally answered.   
  
“You'll have to since it isn't to me.”   
  
Catherine stared at the woman in front of her.    
  
“I am forty five, working a job that takes up most of my waking hours just so I can be half good at it. Lindsey needs someone in her life who's more permanent than Eddie's girlfriend of the week was and I have enough baggage from my past to keep McCarran busy for the next ten years.” Catherine took a deep breath, pre-empting tears. “I won't...can't...be a passing fling until you realise you can do better.”   
  
Sara wasn't a violent person but in that instant, she would have gladly inflicted a great deal of pain to every single person who’d had anything to do with putting those thoughts into Catherine's head. What she needed to convey was beyond words and she let her actions speak instead.   
  
Sara brought her hand across to brush Catherine's chin. Her skin was so smooth, so perfect, almost distracting her from what she meant to do. She leaned in, grateful to hear the sound of breath hitching expectedly. Catherine's lips were cool and quivering slightly as she placed a gentle kiss against them.    
  
Her other hand lifted Catherine's hand to place it over her heartbeat.   
  
“Feel that?”   
  
Catherine nodded silently, feeling the pace increase instantly at her touch. Sara held their hands still and waited until their eyes locked again.   
  
“This is you.” Her voice broke slightly. “You do this every single time I think about you and when I see and touch you. I still can't believe you're choosing me.”   
  
Catherine closed her eyes and shuddered lightly, her own heartbeat falling in time with the pulse under her palm. She wanted to give in to the comfort of Sara's warmth against her fingers but her insecurities were buried deep and they refused to give up without a fight.   
  
“Until another Alex comes along who's younger, prettier and with less baggage...”   
  
“Cath...” Sara said in a low firm voice, repeating herself when the other woman avoided her gaze. “Sweetie?”    
  
It broke her heart to see the watery shimmer in the blue eyes when their eyes finally met.    
  
“I don't want anyone else. I want you. I can't promise there won't be bumps along the way but I'm not going anywhere as long as you'll have me. Promise.”   
  
Their lips met again, more urgently this time, both women craving affirmation and reassurance. Sara held her emotions in check as much as she could, wanting, no, craving for Catherine to believe her. They finally pulled back simultaneously and silence hung for a moment as neither women knew what to say.   
  
Catherine paused for a moment before turning the ignition on, pulling the car back onto the road. Sara's head was still fuzzy from the kiss and it took her a little longer than usual to realise where they were when they finally pulled into Catherine's driveway. She opened her mouth to ask if they'd taken a wrong turn. The next word that fell out of Catherine's mouth dismantled any remnant of confusion.   
  
“Stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I kinda like romantic Sara. Goes particularly well with insecure Catherine, no?


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charcoal well and throughly lit. Slightly nervous that it's not fired well but here goes nothing...

Sara felt her jacket tighten against her shoulders as soon as the front door shut behind them. Strong fingers grabbed her lapels and she lost her balance momentarily before her back was pushed against the wall with a thud. Catherine pressed her advantage and started devouring her lips. The hands clutching her lapels moved inwards to caress the rising mounds next to them, thumbs lightly gliding over the tips. Sara groaned, her belly thrusting forward instinctively before it was pushed back as Catherine pinned down the lower half of her body with a firm hip.  
  
Sara wrapped an arm around Catherine's back, scrunching up her shirt in the same movement as she desperately sought access to heated skin. The pressure against her groin lessened momentarily as the blonde gasped at the contact. Sara took the opportunity to slip a knee into the heat between Catherine's legs. Her reward was a throaty moan.   
  
“What about going slow?” Sara breathed as Catherine released her lips.

Catherine replied by burying her lips against the cleavage of Sara’s shirt. Her hand moved up under the soft fabric, anticipating the smoothness of the skin that awaited her. She pushed upwards, her exploration punctuated by fleeting twitches along toned muscles whenever her fingers skimmed a sensitive spot.

Sara groaned as the sensations bombarded her senses. The lips drifted upwards to worship the hollow in her neck before settling against the lobe of an ear.

“Bed.” Catherine breathed the single syllable.  
  
Sara wasn't going to argue with that.   
  
She didn’t know where she was going but it didn’t matter. Catherine kept a firm hold of her as she guided them up the stairs. Jackets and socks, then shirts and pants were shed frantically as they barely broke contact, littering the carpet like breadcrumbs along the way. They paused briefly on the landing and something clattered onto the floor as they bumped against a wall. Catherine didn’t seem to care and Sara was equally distracted. Her lips were securely attached to her lover’s chest, desperate to taste as much newfound skin as she could.

They were down to their underwear by the time the blonde kicked opened the door to her bedroom. They stumbled into the room and the realisation that they were finally there almost caught both of them off guard.Their bodies drifted apart for a moment, breathing heavily and  searching the unspoken emotions in each other’s eyes.

“I want you so much.” Catherine’s voice was a hungry growl, dismissing any lingering uncertainty. The raw desire in her tone made Sara groan as a fresh wave of wet heat flooded between her thighs.

Catherine smiled as she brought their hips and chests together. She moaned instinctively, enjoying the feel of satin caressing satin but soon it wasn’t enough.  An impatient hand reached around Sara’s back and fumbled before finally releasing the offending barrier keeping them apart. Another brisk movement of her hands and Sara was completely bare. Sara lowered herself onto the edge of the mattress and laid back, her heart pounding its way out of her chest, fully aware what the blonde's reaction would be.

She was not disappointed.   
  
Her breath left her in a whoosh as one hundred twenty pounds of delicious weight covered her body.  Hands, legs, lips mounted an assault from all fronts and Sara would have gladly given in and surrendered to being ravaged if not for the burning need to touch as much of Catherine as she could.   
  
“You're overdressed,” Sara muttered, dragging a finger across sheer material stretched across a taut nipple. The distraction drew a ragged gasp from the figure straddled above her.   
  
Catherine grabbed Sara's hand and placed it across her back. Her other hand lost no time in pushing away the sliver of ruined fabric clinging to her own waist. She cursed softly as it tangled around her feet before she finally kicked it away to a far corner of the bed. Its silken companion rapidly followed suit as Sara all but ripped the bra off Catherine's chest.   
  
This was new for both of them. There had been a touch here and a knee pressed into heated flesh there, but nothing as intimate as this. Both women were laid bare to each other for the first time.   
  
There was a slight pause, both just staring at each other. Catherine spoke first.   
  
“You're so beautiful.”   
  
Sara blushed. Her words deserted her all at once but she had a far better response.   
Strong arms flipped Catherine onto her back in a smooth motion as Sara began a gentle assault on her chest. The kisses started out tentative and soft before turning into rougher sucking and pulling, encouraged by moans from the body beneath her. Sara's mouth was inching closer to the hard nub of a rosy nipple when Catherine took her hand and placed it just below her ribs.   
  
Sara's breath hitched as she ran her fingers gently along the line of Catherine’s waist. She took her time, taking in the contrast of soft skin and tensed muscle as she learnt how they were responding to her touch. Her fingers grew bolder as they skimmed past the swell of Catherine’s belly and dipped gently towards her hip. Her hand lingered tentatively for a moment, momentarily doubting the permission she had to move further. Catherine answered by covering the hand with her own and nudging it onwards.

She mapped the soft skin with her fingertips, drifting ever lower until she finally brushed against a rougher texture. The heat she met drew a moan from both their lips simultaneously and dismantled any remnant of control she might have had. There was so much she wanted to do but her brain refused to work. She was barely able to breathe let alone think, so Catherine made her mind up for her.

“Inside,” she growled.   
  
Sara was only to happy to comply. What she met was moist heat and taut muscles straining for her fingers, desperate to draw them in. She groaned, her own centre growing wetter as she sank her digits in, giving Catherine what she craved. Her reward was Catherine’s breast offered roughly to her willing lips and Sara sucked greedily as her fingers learnt the rhythm of her lover’s hips.   
  
They moved in tandem, pushing and pulling as one, faster and faster until Catherine moaned Sara's name one last time. She clutched onto her lover's back, pulling her close as the shudders wracked through her body in diminishing ripples. Sara was convinced that there would be marks on her back from the strength of the grip. That somehow served to excite her even further and she couldn’t help curling her fingers to elicit a final shudder before gently pulling back.   
  
Catherine felt like a contradiction - completely dismantled and whole at the same time. The only thing that held her in one piece was the strong embrace cocooning her but she had never felt safer or more complete. The pleasant ache in her chest reminded her again of how hard she was falling for the woman lying in her arms. Whispered endearments filled her ears  as her heartbeat gradually return to some semblance of normal.   
  
She reached for Sara's hand and tangled their fingers together. The digits wrapped around hers were still wet. Sara noticed it as well, judging from the smug look on her face. She brought their entwined hands up to her lips, her eyes steadily holding Catherine's in her gaze. She placed a kiss on the back of Catherine's hand before extending her own fingers and licking off their tips one at a time with deliberate slowness.   
  
Catherine groaned as she felt moisture flood her apex yet again.   
  
How could she be this aroused so soon after?   
  
She pushed her desire aside, determined to have her turn. Catherine started kissing the exposed flesh between Sara's lips and neck, encouraged by the increasing speed of the brunette's breathing. Her hand began massaging a breast, alternating between gentle kneading and roughly flicking a nipple. The breathing grew ragged and Sara gasped her next words.   
  
“Fuck, Cath...”   
  
“If you insist.” Catherine's eyes were feral and in the instant they met Sara knew that she was well and thoroughly at her mercy. Her world spun for a moment and the next thing she knew, she was pinned down by the weight of her lover's body. She was tantamount to a buffet and Catherine was famished. Sara surrendered gladly as Catherine kissed, nipped and sucked her body at will, determined to cover every single inch of flesh and mark it as her own. She worked her way down past Sara's belly, only pausing when she reached the juncture of her thighs.   
  
“You're so wet.”   
  
Sara responded with a groan and more moisture.   
  
Catherine moved forward tentatively, nudging Sara's thighs apart slowly. Sara sensed her uncertainty.   
  
“You're the reason I am, baby. Only you.”   
  
Their eyes met for a second. Sara's were dark, full of desire and - dare she imagine? - something more. The remnants of her doubts began to disintegrate and she leaned in to place a tentative kiss on her lover.   
  
A hiss of pleasure encouraged her to repeat her action, this time delving further. Sara’s response was louder and Catherine took it as approval to start tasting the overheated flesh laid out before her. Her tongue relished the sweet flavour and increased its intensity, greedy for more. The hand tangled in her hair tightened, pushing her even closer to where Sara wanted her to be. Rough moans and ragged breathing were all the encouragement she needed. She slid her tongue against the hard nub at the apex and instantly found her face buried in heaven. Catherine started sucking hungrily, tongue probing.   
  
Sara tasted so good, a mixture of musk and honey. She could live off this for the rest of the life.   
  
“Cath, please, now...” Sara was rambling but Catherine knew just what she needed.   
  
A finger plunged deep into her as Catherine’s efforts intensified.   
  
“God...” Sara's incoherent mumblings made Catherine determined to render her completely speechless and she added another finger to its companion. They quickly learned and mirrored the rhythm of the heat engulfing them and that only served to draw a louder moan and more expletives.   
  
The blonde quickened her fingers, determined to keep up with her lover’s need. She held her  eyes steady, never leaving the Sara's face, not wanting to risk missing even the tiniest reaction. And she didn’t. Sara was more breathtaking than Catherine had ever seen - face flushed, eyes squeezed shut and panting heavily as she thrust desperately, trying to gain as much contact as possible with the mouth and hand bringing her closer and closer to the precipice.   
  
Catherine sensed the change in the brunette's breathing and twisted her hand, bringing her palm in to take the place of her tongue. She kissed her way up along heated skin until she was nibbling on the sweetest pair of lips.   
  
She needed to see Sara up close when she fell over the edge.   
  
Sara obliged, straining her hips up once last time, spasms flooding through her body as Catherine held her, whispering reassurance and love. The lanky body clung on to her like a life raft, shuddering as she rode out her climax.   
  
“So beautiful,” Catherine murmured, stroking the soft skin of her lover's back, gathering her into a tight embrace.   
  
“You are...” Sara gasped when her breathing gradually returned to normal.   
  
Their lips met in a searing kiss, tender and slow.   
  
“Taking it slow is over-rated,” Catherine murmured with a smile when they finally broke apart.   
  
“No arguments there...”

“And was it worth it?” Catherine teased, fully knowing the question was moot judging by the satisfied glow on her lover’s face.

Sara proceeded to reply by running her tongue along that sensitive spot at the crook of her neck as her hands drifted lazily along her lover’s side. Catherine gasped as her body shivered in reaction. A flush of desire stirred anew in her belly and she smiled contentedly anticipating what would follow. Sara was a quick learner and soon she was unable to think of or feel anything other than the lips and hands skimming their way down her body. Her last coherent thought was that it was definitely worth the wait.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end at last and it's been an exercise in patience while the coals simmered. Big thanks and hugs to everyone for reading :)

They spent the rest of the morning tangled together in bed. The moments of conversation in between bouts of heated passion came easily, as they discovered more random facts about each other. It almost seemed strange for both women to know so much and so little about the other person at the same time. The intimacy they now shared was new, but their relationship felt like it had been there forever, albeit unspoken for the most part. That soon gave way to a cosy silence, both women satisfied with just enjoying the comfort and warmth of being together before the world outside the bedroom intruded again. 

Sara traced her fingers across the contours of Catherine's back. The tiny part of her brain that still couldn't believe that they were here, together, with each other, was being rapidly overwhelmed and silenced. The analyst in her was fighting a losing battle and for once her heart was winning. Catherine simply bent away the steel bars of insecurity and doubt with such ease. It was as if the closer she was bound to this incredible woman in her arms, the closer she was to feeling free. She wanted, no, needed for Catherine to know how she felt but her head was fighting back. Her mind flitted back to the conversation they’d had in the car and she had to fight off the wave of apprehension threatening to overwhelm her.    
  
“Cath?” The fingers paused momentarily before drawing away nervously.   
  
Catherine turned onto her side to face her lover to find that Sara had shifted onto her back, eyes searching for a random spot on the ceiling. 

“Sar?” She frowned when she felt the brunette shift awkwardly, moving slightly away from her.  The older woman mirrored her action and closed the gap between them. She folded Sara's body into a firm embrace, determined not to let her slip away.

“Sweetheart, what is it?” 

Sara’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment as she tried to gather her thoughts into coherent words. “I…”  She hesitated even though every fibre in her body wanted her to scream the words out loud.

“Look at me,” the older woman murmured as she gently stroked the soft skin under her fingers. The tension in Sara’s jaw eased perceptibly but she continued to scrutinize the swirling patterns of the ceiling.

Catherine waited silently, knowing that nothing would make her talk until she was ready. Sara finally turned towards her, dark eyes still nervous. She latched tightly onto her gaze, refusing to blink until she was sure had captured their full attention. The look on Sara’s face spoke a thousand words and she didn’t need to guess what it said. It was fear and exhilaration, panic and desire all swirled into one and only one certainty.

“Cath, I…” she stammered, “...I know we talked about taking it slow and I don’t want to freak you out and get this wrong and I know I will…”

Catherine decided the best way to stop her rambling lover was to pull her into a deep breath-stealing kiss. She couldn’t help a satisfied smirk as she surveyed her handiwork - a dazed and flushed brunette gasping for air when they finally pulled apart.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re very good at that?” Sara croaked when her voice gradually returned.

“Once or twice.” Catherine’s eyes twinkled before lowering her voice seriously, “but they never sounded anywhere as good as when you say it.”

Sara’s face broke into a shy smile. Simple words but the plain certainty in Catherine’s voice made her heart swell and gave her the confidence she needed to try again.

“I…” Sara trailed off, momentarily distracted by the look on her lover’s face. “What?”

Catherine couldn’t help the wide smile stretching across her face. It was getting to be a habit whenever she laid eyes on the amazing woman in her arms.

Scratch that. The mere thought of Sara regularly had the effect of reducing her into a dopey smile attached to the puddle of goo that used to be her insides.

“Nothing, baby, you’re just perfect.” She placed a kiss on the smooth skin of a shoulder and drew back to meet the dark gaze she knew was waiting. “You’re not going to get anything wrong because I love you too.” She paused, letting her words sink in. “I love you Sara Sidle.” Catherine drew their faces close enough that they were touching nose to nose. “No ifs,” she planted a kiss on Sara’s forehead, “...ands…” followed by a second one on the bridge of her nose, “or buts...for as long as you’ll have me.” She finished the trail by pressing her lips softly against Sara’s.

The widest grin she’d ever seen broke across the brunette’s face as her cheeks lit up with a deep blush. Catherine had never seen anything more beautiful in her life and thanked all the unseen gods for bringing this woman into her life.

“You,” she growled into Sara’s ear, tongue flicking an earlobe along the way, “are so goddamn sexy when you blush. ”

“You’re amazing,” Sara whispered before pulling back to crush their lips together.

Catherine deepened the kiss and soon a familiar dance began and words were no longer needed. It was as if time itself stopped, framed in a perfect instant. All the push and pull, to-ing and fro-ing came to a standstill; as still as the air in the room. Neither woman knew what the road ahead would bring but they were certain that the love they shared would hold them true. The metronome had finally run down.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a WIP for, well, way too long and my muse has finally decided to kick my backside back into action. It's going to be a slow build so thanks in advance for your patience :)


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